How to Treat a Woman

Last Updated: August 6, 2022 References Approved

Treating a woman well requires a combination of common courtesy and uncommon acts of love and kindness. Follow the steps below, and soon your woman will see you for what you are: one of the good guys.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Being a Good Communicator

1
Communicate your feelings. Some men underestimate the importance of telling a woman how they feel. In many cases, men prefer to use actions rather than words to communicate their feelings. If that sounds like you, you should know that women need to hear "I love you" from time to time, so make it a point to express that sentiment. If you have trouble saying the words, try writing a note or getting a card to let her know how you feel.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- The good news: turns out that men are more often the ones to declare feelings of love first in a relationship. Research has determined that men take only 88 days to tell their partner they love them (compared to a woman's 134)^{[2]
  X
  Research source}while another study says men say "I love you" first 70% of the time.^{[3]
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  Research source}
- Watch your timing. Women prefer to hear "I love you" after sex rather than before. It could be they distrust the words a bit if they're uttered before sex as it makes them wonder if your saying "I love you" simply to get some action.^{[4]
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  Research source}
2
Be a good listener. Everyone--not only women--wants to be heard. If you know how to listen, your woman will greatly appreciate it, and the bond between you two will grow.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} Try these tips to be a better listener.
- Get rid of distractions. That might mean turning off the ballgame or ignoring the text you just got. Try to keep from interrupting unless the question is crucial to your understanding of the situation. Putting your focus completely on your woman shows her that she's important and that you value and are interested in what she has to say.
- Read non-verbal cues. Gestures, facial expressions and eye-movements can all be important. Don't just listen with your ears but also with your eyes so you can gain greater insight into what she's feeling.
- See things from her point of view. Your girlfriend or wife may be upset about something that would never trouble you, or she might describe a scenario you can't imagine being a part of--but you have to try. Put yourself in her shoes to try to understand what she's communicating more clearly. Even if you don't agree with her reaction or her opinion, keep an open mind and let her know that in any dispute you're always on her side.
- Refrain from solving the problem. When a woman is talking through a problem she's facing, a man's first response is to jump in and try to solve it. That impulse comes from a good place, but it's not what a woman wants. She simply wants to be heard, so refrain from coming to the rescue with a solution for the situation. If she does ask your opinion about what she should do, feel free to offer your suggestions, but don't be offended if she chooses a different course of action.
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3
Ask her how she's feeling. In many cases, you'll know exactly how the woman in your life is feeling, but sometimes, especially when a relationship is new, you'll have to ask. Researchers in a study published in the journal PLOS showed men images of eyes belonging to men and women and discovered that it was twice as difficult for the men to accurately guess what women were feeling as it was for them to guess what the men were feeling. They also took longer attempting to interpret the women's eyes.^{[6]
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Research source}
4
Fight fair. Even the closest of couples will have arguments; what's important is how you talk to your woman during those disagreements. Do not call names or make threats or use physical intimidation. When the fight is over, don't hold on to hurt feelings; reach out and meet your woman halfway in making up. Do not discount her feelings by being defensive or try to end the fight by just cutting her off. We all need validation for our feelings.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Showing Respect

1
Be polite. Women like to hear "please" and "thank you." Even if you've been dating a while or married a long time, don't throw manners out the window. Show her the same thoughtfulness you'd show anyone else.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
- Avoid using profanity. Never use profanity or offensive slang to refer to your woman, even if you're just kidding. If you hold her in high regard, be sure your language reflects that.
- Avoid bringing up sex or past relationships if you're really early in your relationship since it could make her uncomfortable.^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Patti Novak Williams
  Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
2
Don't change or break plans. If it's an emergency or the change is completely unavoidable, of course you can break a date, but be sure to give as much advance notice as possible and offer a very good explanation and an apology.
3
Be on time. If you're running late, call as soon as you can to let her know. Everyone's time is valuable, and being somewhere when you say you will is just common courtesy. Resist the impulse to put off calling because you fear your woman will be angry. She might be, but chances are she'll be even angrier if you're not in touch.
4
Treat her family well. Even if she says that she's not close with her family, always be respectful toward them and avoid criticizing them. Family bonds can be strong, and parents and siblings can influence a woman's decision to date or dump a guy.
- If a woman has children, be friendly toward them and do your best to get to know them. Women are quick to say good-bye to men who do not treat their children with kindness. Don't ever overstep your bounds and try to parent or discipline her kids; leave that to the woman in your life.
5
Avoid jealousy. Being jealous of male friends, co-workers and exes without good reason tells a woman that you consider her to be deceitful and of low moral character. Not a message you want to send to someone you care for.
6
Help around the house. If you two live together, pitch in on chores. Both of you are responsible for the housework. Don't expect her to constantly pick up after you. One of the surest ways to a woman's heart is with a vacuum cleaner in one hand and a box of laundry detergent in the other.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Making Her Feel Special

1
Acknowledge special occasions. Be sure you're ready with a card and a gift when her birthday rolls around, or it's time to celebrate Christmas or Valentine's Day. Marking these and other occasions with tokens of love and appreciation are a great way to make a woman feel special. Remember, too, that right or wrong, her family and friends will likely ask her what you got her or how the two of you celebrated. Don't put your woman on the spot by forcing her to lie or to admit that you let the occasion pass without recognition.
2
Celebrate your anniversary. Anniversaries are like mini-time machines--they allow the two of you to relive an important event (your wedding day, your first date, etc.) They're a chance to re-experience the special emotion created in and by that moment. Show the woman in your life that you value that event and all that's happened since, by doing something special on your anniversary. If you can afford it and your wife or girlfriend would enjoy it, go ahead and do something extravagant. But what can be most meaningful is a card or a conversation in which you reminisce about the good times and the growth of your relationship and your happiness.
3
Give thoughtful gifts. Gifts that come from the heart are among the most appreciated. Put some time and thought into choosing something your woman would love or make something for her yourself. When you invest that kind of time and thought into gift giving, she can't help but be touched.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}
4
Give flowers. Not every woman is a sucker for flowers, but the majority really do appreciate a bouquet, especially if it's being given for no particular reason. Bring flowers on your next date or have them delivered to her home or workplace if that's appropriate. A card that says simply "Thinking of you" is enough to bring a smile to her face.
5
Mention her to your friends. If she's important to you, your friends should know it. That doesn't mean that you have to go on and on about her (and never discuss what happens in the bedroom with your friends), but making it clear that she's an important part of your life will make her feel special versus make her feel like someone you want to hide or keep from your friends.

Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Bringing the Romance

1
Understand that little things mean a lot. While big romantic gestures may have their place, it's the little things that show a woman how much she means to you. Thoughtful acts like bringing her a cup of coffee in the morning or putting air in her car tires are very concrete ways of saying "I love you" without you having to utter a word. Be consistent. Show her in some way each day that you're thinking of her and trying to make her life a bit easier and happier.
2
Send a message. Scratch out a quick note, send her a text or fire off an email to let her know you're thinking of her.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.} If she has a big day coming up--a job interview, a presentation at work--send her a message of encouragement and support.
3
Give compliments. You may never have to answer the question, "Do these pants make my butt look big?" if you're quick to compliment your woman on her appearance. Dispel any insecurities by saying nice things about parts of her body she might feel less than great about, and don't forget to compliment the things you find most attractive about her. Don't underestimate the impact of a simple "You look beautiful"--that pretty much says it all.
- If you do get the "Do these pants make my butt look big?" question, the correct answer is always "No."
- We all like to be recognized for the things that make us special, so compliment your woman for being who she is. Is she creative, fascinating, funny? Do you admire her achievements and her outlook on life? Tell her! And be sure to look her straight in the eye when you do so.
4
Follow her lead. Initially, let the woman set the pace for your physical relationship. No woman wants to feel pressured to have sex before she's ready, and everyone has a different timetable for being ready. Let her know how you feel, but back off (without pouting) if she wants to wait before getting intimate.
5
Embrace foreplay. Physiologically, experts agree that foreplay is an important part of sexual health. In fact, an Australian study found that the majority of women are more aroused by the idea of foreplay than sex itself.^{[11]
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Research source} Hold, touch and caress your partner, play games or talk dirty. If you're not sure what your woman likes, ask. Just do it outside the bedroom. It's easier to have that conversation if you're not just about to have sex.
6
Pop the question. If you love her, you're ready to settle down and you know she's the one, then make the commitment. If you plan to propose marriage, be sure you mean it. Buy a ring if you can, get on one knee and tell her that you can't imagine your life without her and ask if she'll do you the honor of becoming your wife.

Community Q&A

Question

My girlfriend always disrespects me. What should I do?

Community Answer

Calmly talk to her about how you feel, and ask that she stop saying the things that you find disrespectful. If she refuses to do so, find someone else.
Question

My girlfriend always gives out her cell numbers to other men. Is it right to compain or should I just sit back and do nothing about that?

Community Answer

Let her know (gently) that you're bothered by her doing that, and explain why. If she cares for you, she'll stop.
Question

How do you treat your woman?

Phyllis Dawson Roberts

Community Answer

With the same respect and dignity that you expect for yourself. And if you do not think highly of yourself, think of the person you admire most in life and emulate that. Women are deserving of respect, kindness, love, honor, dignity, and the whole gamut of adjectives that intel just how to treat her right.

Warnings

Don’t compare her to other women.

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Do not lie to her. You will lose her trust and she won't know what to believe.

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Don’t verbally abuse her or her family members.

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Don't be obsessive over her or on top of her 24/7--women need their space.

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Treating a woman well is one thing. Sacrificing your self-respect and dignity is another. Maintain a sense of self and your own values. If you communicate your feelings about your own self-respect and dignity. Someone who respects himself can be all the more attractive.

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Remember that all women are different. Never, ever say things like, "I bought you flowers. You're supposed to like that. You're a woman!" or "You better like what I bought you. I paid a lot of money for it."

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