How to Write and Give a Memorable Maid of Honor Toast

Co-authored by Megan Papageorge and Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: May 28, 2021 References

If you've been asked to act as maid of honor in someone's wedding, you probably feel pretty confident about helping with the showers, parties, and gifts. However, it's normal to feel a little nervous about giving the maid of honor speech at the wedding or rehearsal dinner, especially if you don't normally speak in public. Fortunately, with a little planning, you can give a sweet, heartfelt speech that will celebrate the couple and their upcoming marriage.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Brainstorming Your Toast

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Start working on your toast a few weeks before the wedding. Don't put off writing your speech until the last minute—give yourself at least 3 or 4 weeks to write the speech, if possible. That way, you'll have plenty of time to think of the perfect stories to include, get the timing of your speech just right, and practice, practice, practice.^{[1]
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- While you're brainstorming, get into a sentimental mindset by looking through pictures of you and the couple, reading inspirational quotes about marriage, watching romantic movies, or listening to love songs. That way, you'll be in the mood to celebrate love.
2
Write down a list of your favorite memories with the couple. You don't necessarily have to come up with all of the memories at once—take a few days and see what comes to mind. Try to write down as many memories as possible. You'll only need to include 1-2 stories in your speech, but the more you can think of before you start writing, the better chances you'll have of landing on the perfect ones. For instance, you might think about:^{[2]
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- How you met your friend
- Any fun adventures you've had together
- The funniest thing that ever happened to you together
- The most meaningful memory you have of them as a couple.
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3
Choose the tone you want your speech to have. The best toasts have a fairly consistent tone throughout. For instance, if you want to give a funny toast, you might aim to get laughs at the beginning, the middle, and the end of the speech. If you want to inspire tears of joy, you might share an especially sentimental story.^{[3]
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- A funny toast can be memorable, but if you're not comfortable with humor, don't feel like you have to force it! You can make just as big an impact with a more heartfelt speech about what the couple means to you.^{[4]
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- Think about what's true to you, but also what will be appropriate for the crowd. For instance, if the couple's families tend to be more reserved, you might consider giving a more serious speech instead of going for laughs.^{[5]
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4
Make sure your speech is positive and family-friendly. Avoid anything that will paint the couple in an embarrassing or unflattering light—stay away from any talk of drunken nights, exes, or anything else inappropriate. In addition, avoid bringing up anything sad or unpleasant. A wedding is a time to be positive and celebrate all of the great things about the couple!^{[6]
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- Be careful not to cross the line between gentle ribbing and being rude. Use your best judgment and your knowledge of the couple to decide what is appropriate.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Creating the Perfect Speech

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Open by introducing yourself. Don't just assume everyone at the wedding knows who you are—some distance relatives and friends will probably benefit from a brief introduction. Start by telling the wedding guests who you are, including your name, and a little about your relationship to the couple.^{[7]
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- For instance, you might say, “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Laura. I’ve known the bride since middle school. We first met in Mrs. Johnson’s class, and we’ve been best friends ever since.”
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Thank the planners and hosts. After you introduce yourself, take a moment to thank the wedding planners, couple, or the couple’s parents for hosting the wedding. You might also thank any other family, friends, or members of the wedding party who helped with the planning process. This is also a good time to state how grateful and happy you are to be there.^{[8]
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- For example, you can say, “First, I just want to say what a lovely wedding this is. Thank you so much to Mr. and Mrs. Smith for throwing this wedding for these two wonderful people, and I am so honored to be able to speak here.”
3
Talk about your relationship with your friend. Now, you're ready to talk about how you know the couple. Start by talking about the person you're closest to. Share a special memory, like how you met or a story that illustrates what your friendship is like. Don't be afraid to get sentimental, although it's okay to be funny, if you prefer.^{[9]
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Megan Papageorge
Certified Wedding Planner
Expert Interview. 28 January 2020.}
- For instance, you might say something like, "I already told you I met Laura in Mrs. Johnson's class, but what I didn't tell you is that I was new, and I was so afraid about my first day at a new school. Laura made me feel instantly comfortable—and she's never stopped being the same kind, thoughtful person I met that day."
- To keep the focus on the couple rather than yourself, limit how much you say things like "I" and "me."^{[10]
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4
Move into talking about the couple. Next, share a little about how your friend met the person they're marrying. Talk about things like your first impressions of your friend's partner, how you knew they were meant together, or a funny story about something the 3 of you did together.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Megan Papageorge
Certified Wedding Planner
Expert Interview. 28 January 2020.}
- For instance, you might say, "When Laura first told me about Joe, I wasn't sure what to think. But when I finally met him and I saw how he looked at Laura, I knew they were meant to be together."
- Avoid choosing memories that might be embarrassing for the couple, and try not to include any inside jokes that might only be funny to a few people in the crowd.^{[12]
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End with good wishes for the couple's happiness. To conclude your speech, wish the couple luck and talk about how happy you are for them. Then, ask everyone to raise their glasses to toast the couple.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Megan Papageorge
Certified Wedding Planner
Expert Interview. 28 January 2020.}
- You might say, for example, "I hope and wish for the best for both of you. You two are meant for each other, and I know that your love will be an inspiration to us all."
- You could also include advice for their future marriage, a quote, or a short poem. ^{[14]
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- If you have a great joke or a witty line, say it at the end. This will make your toast stick in the minds of your listeners.
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Make a toast to the couple. After you finish your speech, raise your glass. Ask everyone to join you in toasting the couple and their marriage.^{[15]
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- A toast can be as simple as “To the couple!” or more elaborate, such as, “To my best friends, may you forever be joined in love and affection.”
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Keep your speech about 2-3 minutes long. You might be able to talk about why you love your best friend for hours, but a wedding speech isn't the time. Your speech shouldn't go over 2-3 minutes long, but it's okay if it's a little shorter than that.^{[16]
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- If you type up your speech, it should only be about one page long.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Nailing the Delivery

1
Rehearse your speech out loud until you feel comfortable. Once you finish writing your speech, practice it again and again before the wedding. You may even choose to record yourself on your phone or computer so you can listen to what you sound like. Be sure to check the timing of your speech, as well!^{[17]
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- As you read out loud, listen for any phrases that sound awkward or that might be a little tricky to say out loud, and edit them if you need to.
- Ask your family and friends to listen as you give the speech. They can give you feedback and constructive criticism to help you improve.
- Don't worry about memorizing your speech completely—just be sure you know it well enough that you'll only need to glance at your notes for an occasional reminder.^{[18]
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2
Write notes containing key phrases, not the whole speech. Don't just take a copy of your whole speech up to the podium with you—you'll spend most of the speech looking down at the paper instead of engaging with the audience. Instead, write down a series of phrases that will help keep you on track while you're giving your speech.^{[19]
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- As you're speaking, hold your notes down so you can still make eye contact with the couple and the audience.
3
Breathe deeply and keep your body relaxed. It's normal to feel a little nervous about giving a speech. To relax, take a couple of long, deep breaths before you start speaking.^{[20]
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Research source} Also, keep your knees slightly bent as you're delivering your speech—if you lock your knees, you'll seem stiff and uncomfortable.
- If you're especially nervous, it might help to make marks on your notes in the best places to take a breath.
4
Speak slowly in a loud, clear voice. Make sure you speak loudly enough for everyone to hear you. You may or may not have a microphone during your speech. Regardless, speak loud enough for everyone to hear. Say your words a little more slowly than you would normally speak so everyone will be able to hear you. Enunciate clearly, and take a breath between each sentence.^{[21]
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- If you're speaking into a microphone, hold it about ¹⁄₃ in (0.85 cm) away from your lips, and use your normal speaking voice. If you don't have a microphone, you may need to speak much more loudly than normal.
- If you start to cry, stop and take a deep breath. Dab away your tears, and begin again when your voice is steady. While crying is natural at a wedding, it can make you difficult to understand while speaking.
5
Remember to smile. If you feel nervous you might not pay much attention to your facial expressions. However, a warm smile will make you seem more relaxed, and it can actually make you feel more confident and comfortable.^{[22]
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- Be especially sure to smile if you're telling a funny or lighthearted story.
- It's okay if you get emotional, too, especially when you're talking about something sentimental.
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Look towards the couple while you're talking. Even though you'll be speaking in front of a crowd, you are really talking to the couple. Face them as you give the speech, and make eye contact with each of them while you're talking.^{[23]
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- It's okay to look out at the audience, as well—especially if you're telling a story that includes some of the wedding guests!

Sample Toast

Sample Maid of Honor Speech

Warnings

Avoid dredging up any unpleasant memories for the couple. Keep it positive. Don't mention exes, embarrassing stories, or anything inappropriate or upsetting.^{[24]
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Don't drink before your speech - you don't want to slur or become overly emotional. If you feel nervous, take several long, deep breaths instead of reaching for a drink.^{[25]
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