How to Act Cool Around Your Crush (for Girls)

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References

Acting natural around your crush can feel like an impossible challenge. How are you supposed to be fun and confident when you’ve got an army of butterflies in your stomach? Start by acknowledging your feelings and realizing that your crush is just another person. Play a little hard to get by giving them space and enjoying your own awesome life. Finally, show them you’re confident with a breezy smile, flirting, and fun conversation.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Staying Calm

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Accept your feelings for your crush. Don’t try to repress your feelings or beat yourself up for falling head over heels. It’ll only make you more jittery and nervous around your crush. Instead, accept the way you feel, and don’t judge yourself.^{[1]
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- Tell yourself, “I really like Josh, and that’s fine. He’s a great guy. It doesn’t make me weak or desperate.”
2
Remember that your crush is a real person. They aren’t a god or some superior alien life form. Try to notice the ways in which they aren’t so perfect. Realizing that they’re a person just like you can help you play it cool.
- Maybe your crush is afraid of heights or needs extra tutoring in math just like you. Don’t judge your crush for their flaws. Instead, use them to help you relate to your crush.
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3
Speak slowly and take deep breaths when chatting with your crush. When you’re nervous, it’s easy for your words to run away from you.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.} To look cooler--and to make sure your crush can actually understand what you’re saying--take a deep breath and consciously slow your speech.^{[3]
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- It may sound weirdly slow in your head, but it probably sounds just right to your crush.
- Remember: your conversation isn't a play, and it doesn't have to be perfect!^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
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Don’t wait if you want to approach your crush. Maybe you’re at a party and you see your crush across the room. Take a deep breath, throw on a breezy smile, and approach them within three seconds. If you wait any longer, you could start overthinking the situation, get really anxious, and lose your cool girl mojo.^{[5]
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- Remember, if you don’t put yourself out there, you may never move things forward with your crush. Go for it!

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Playing Hard to Get

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Give them space. Sticking to your crush like glue can make you seem obsessed and desperate, which could scare them away. Show you’re interested with a little bit of flirting and chatting, but don’t spend every second of the day following them around.^{[6]
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- Make sure you hang out with your friends and have fun without your crush.
2
Don’t respond to their texts immediately. If the two of you are texting, that’s great! Things could be moving in the right direction. However, wait a few minutes before responding to some texts. You want to show them that you have your own fun life, and aren’t hovering around the phone 24/7 waiting for their next text.^{[7]
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Glance at them every so often but don’t stare. It’s ok to steal flirty glances every now and then. It can actually give them a hint that you like them! However, staring for long periods of time will probably creep them out.^{[8]
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4
Tell your friends to play it cool. If your friend group starts giggling and pointing whenever your crush walks by, it could make you embarrassed or uncomfortable. Ask your friends to act natural when your crush is around.
- Say, “Hey, could you guys stop pointing and giggling? It makes me feel uncomfortable, and I’m pretty sure it’s making my crush feel weird, too.”
5
Take time to do the things you love. If you feel your crush developing into a full blown obsession, stop and make sure you’re still doing things for yourself. Your crush shouldn’t be your whole world. Keeping a balanced outlook will help you stay cool, calm and collected around your special someone.^{[9]
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- Don’t quit the soccer team so you can hang out with them after school, or join a club just because they’re a member.
EXPERT TIP

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Being hard to get isn't about playing games. It's about overriding your impulse to give away your heart too soon. A lot of people will throw all caution to the wind when they have a crush. I advise being more cautious about giving your heart away.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Looking Confident

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Smile. Show those pearly whites around your crush, even if you feel like your insides are made of Jell-O. You’ll look more approachable and confident.^{[10]
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Flirt with eye contact, touch, and playful teasing. Flirting with your crush shows you’re interested and confident. Make eye contact and touch them lightly on the arm or shoulder when you’re talking. Throw in some playful teasing to tie it all together.^{[11]
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- Try a backhanded compliment, like “You’re pretty good at tennis...almost as good as me.”
- Make sure it’s clear that you’re teasing. If your crush seems upset, back off.
3
Ask them questions. To have a fun, cool conversation, ask your crush questions. Use open-ended questions, which are questions that can’t be answered with a yes or no, to get them talking. You’ll seem more confident, interesting, and likeable!^{[12]
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- If you know they’re on the swim team, ask, “How did your meet go last weekend?”
- If they like to play the guitar, ask, “How did you get started with guitar?”
- Try making observations, too. For instance, you could say, "That's a really interesting bandana!" or "I love your necklace—does it have a special meaning?"^{[13]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.}
4
Stand up straight. Pull your shoulders back, hold your head high, and look straight ahead. You’ll appear cool and confident around your crush, plus you’ll feel more confident, too.^{[14]
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5
Give a casual hello when you pass them in the halls. You’ll look relaxed and self assured. As a bonus, you’ll get your crush’s attention.^{[15]
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- If there’s time, you can even have a quick, flirty conversation!

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it normal to be awkward around your crush?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Absolutely, especially if you don't know your crush very well. It's usually awkward to meet someone new.
Question

How do you start a conversation with your crush?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Basic observations are a good starting point. You could comment on something they're wearing, or mention how creative they are.
Question

How do I stop feeling anxious about talking to my crush?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Try to relax and just put things in perspective. Your conversation doesn't have to be perfect, and it's okay if things are a little awkward at first.

Warnings

Acting cool doesn’t mean being rude. Playing hard to get can help, but don’t take it too far. Smile and interact when they do it.

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