How to Approach Your Crush

Last Updated: July 8, 2022 References Approved

Talking to your crush can be a nerve-racking experience. You have a hundred thoughts rushing through your head at once—how do I look? Do I have food in my teeth? What if he or she laughs at me? Sometimes just the idea of blurting out that first word of greeting is enough to bring on a wave of anxiety. But working up the courage to say hi doesn’t have to be so overwhelming. All it takes is a little preparation and the right attitude.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Making Your Move

1
Give yourself a pep talk. Before walking right up like a bundle of nerves, take a moment to collect yourself. Breathe slow and deep to the count of ten to help yourself relax. Remind yourself of your best qualities and make those the ones you display to your crush. What’s the worst that could happen? If you don’t talk to him or her, you’ll regret it, and that first spark could just be the start of something fantastic.^{[1]
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- Which of your characteristics are you most proud of? Can you get along with anyone? Are you athletic? Do you have a good sense of humor? Keep these traits in mind when working up your nerve to talk to your crush, and give them the chance to get to know the good things about you.
- It’s possible that you feel intimidated by your crush if they’re extremely attractive or popular, but for all you know they may feel the same way about you.
2
Wait until the right time. Seeing your crush surrounded by his or her friends might make you even more nervous. Try to find a time when they’re alone and nearby when you can start a conversation without having to worry about being interrupted or met with other judging eyes.^{[2]
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- Look for your crush between classes or another time when they’re less likely to be with a big group.
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3
Act natural. Create a scenario that will give you an opportunity to make the introduction. If your crush drops something you might return it to them, for instance, or if you see him or her talking to a mutual friend you could use the connection as an icebreaker. Taking advantage of little openings will keep you from appearing desperate or having to walk up and start talking out of the blue.^{[3]
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- Be enthusiastic, but keep your cool. Don’t let yourself appear overly excited.
- If you have a class with your crush, ask them to clarify the details of a homework assignment as way of opening communication.
4
Just do it. Chances are, that anxious feeling you get before talking to your crush is never going to disappear entirely, so at some point you’ll have to just take a deep breath and go for it. Seize your opening when it presents itself. Start by introducing yourself if you haven’t met, or by asking a question to get them engaged if you’re already acquainted. Getting the conversation started is usually the scariest part, so once that’s out of the way you can carry on the interaction at ease.^{[4]
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- Boldness often pays off. You won’t know if the person you have a crush on is also interested in you unless you talk to them.
- Make peace with the idea of rejection. Your crush will probably be happy to talk to you once you get the ball rolling, but in the event that things don’t go as you hoped, just shrug it off. It’s always better to try and strike out than live with never knowing with what might have happened.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Keeping Up the Conversation

1
Do some mental preparation. Think about what you should say to your crush before you get them talking. Have a certain topic in mind that you’d like to discuss, and be prepared to answer any question he or she might ask about you. That way, you’ll be primed and ready to make a good impression during your first interaction, and you’ll have less chance of being caught off guard.
- Be ready for whatever turns your first meeting may take. Your crush might be tired, busy, distracted or nervous, and these moods can affect the way he or she comes off.
2
Talk about them. One surefire tactic for keeping someone that you’re talking to for the first time interested is focusing the conversation on them. Typically, it’s easier for people to talk about themselves because they already know what to say. Show an interest in your crush and let them talk about themselves, relating to them when you can. This will also give you a chance to get to know a little more about them. If you know a lot about them you would know what he/she is interested in. Maybe even give them gifts. So lets say they are into cars - maybe get them a steering wheel cover or a shirt with their favorite type of car on it. Also, make sure you are never rude/mean to them. You want them to know you're a nice person.Be yourself!^{[5]
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- Ask questions. It’ll make your crush feel like you have a genuine interest in them, and it can also take some of the pressure of thinking of things to say about yourself.
- You should talk about yourself, of course, but don't steal the floor entirely. Try to keep things even, or let him or her take over and guide the conversation.
3
Highlight your common interests. Listen when your crush talks about his or her hobbies, interests and preferences and see where they overlap with your own. The more things you discover you have in common, the more the two of you will have to talk about. Finding common ground could even help create an opportunity for a date or more casual hangout later on.
- Some good topics for finding out what you have in common are what classes you’re taking, movies, music, sports, family and your plans for the weekend.
4
Know when to break away. Keep track of how long you’ve been talking to your crush to make sure you’re not holding them up, and pay attention to when they seem to be losing interest. Unless you really hit it off, your first couple of interactions might not last too long, and it’s better if you can lend yourself a sense of mystique and leave them wanting more. Excuse yourself with a phrase like “talk to you later” or “text me sometime” (you'll want to make sure they have your number first) to let your crush know that you want to talk to them again.^{[6]
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- Get a feel for natural lulls in the dialogue and look for an opportunity to make a smooth exit when things start to slow down, just as you made a smooth entrance.
- Don’t ramble on and on. The last thing you want to do is bore your love interest.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Putting Your Best Self Out There

1
Be confident. You won’t get anywhere if you don’t have faith in yourself. Stand tall. Let your crush see the things that make you interesting and unique. You should prepare to approach him or her with the attitude that you’ll love and respect yourself no matter the outcome. Confidence is contagious—your crush will pick up on your self-assured manner and know that you’re someone worth being around.^{[7]
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- Sometimes you just have to fake it until you make it. If you’re having trouble mustering the gumption to walk up and say hello, tell yourself that you’ve done this kind of thing a thousand times. It may just make you a little cooler under pressure.^{[8]
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- There’s a difference between being confident and being arrogant. Stick with the former. Try not to boast or act like you’ve got an over-inflated opinion of yourself. This can be just as off-putting as being shy, if not more so.
2
Smile. Don’t forget to smile, even if you’re a nervous wreck. Smiling can help put you at ease and make you more comfortable, and a friendly face will make you more approachable to others.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.} Keep in mind that your crush may be just as apprehensive about talking to you as you are about talking to them, so greeting them with a smile will break the tension right away.^{[10]
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- Smiling can be tricky when you’re especially nervous. Try a light smirk with your eyes open slightly wider than normal to signal enthusiasm, and grin bigger to show a little bit of teeth if your crush does something cute or amusing.^{[11]
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3
Freshen up. Aside from your demeanor, you appearance will also be one of the first things your crush notices. For this reason, it’s a good idea to make sure you’re presentable before making your move. Bad breath, unkempt hair and messy clothes can all be deal-breakers if you want to make a good impression. Give yourself a look over in the mirror before you enter your crush’s personal space.^{[12]
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- Tick off a short mental checklist to make sure that your teeth are brushed, you’re wearing deodorant and your clothes and hair are clean and well-groomed.
4
Keep a positive attitude. The most important thing to remember about approaching your crush is that it’s the effort that counts most, not the result. Rejection is a fact of a life, something that everybody has to deal with at one time or another. The excitement and satisfaction of finally talking to that special someone should be bigger than the fear of being turned down.^{[13]
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- It’s not the end of the world if the guy or girl you’ve got your eye on doesn’t return your interest. It may sting a little at first, but don’t let yourself become discouraged.
- Even if you get turned away while trying to strike up a conversation with your crush, you may still reach a breakthrough in building the confidence you need to try again next time.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you start a conversation with your crush?

Maria Avgitidis
Dating Coach
Maria Avgitidis is the CEO & Matchmaker of Agape Match, a matchmaking service based out of New York City. For over a decade, she has successfully combined four generations of family matchmaking tradition with modern relationship psychology and search techniques to ensure her professional clientele are introduced to their ultimate match. Maria and Agape Match have been featured in The New York Times, The Financial Times, Fast Company, CNN, Esquire, Elle, Reuters, Vice, and Thrillist.

Maria Avgitidis

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Give your crush your undivided attention. Don't use your phone while you're talking to him, and make sure you focus on what he's saying.
Question

What do I do if I'm too scared to even look at my crush, much less speak to him?

Community Answer

Take a deep breath. Calm yourself. You've got this. You're a strong-minded, charming person that has a lot to offer. Don't think of it as a trial where you have to impress your crush. Open direct, friendly communication and make the most of an opportunity to get to know each other. It's okay to be nervous, but you shouldn't let that hold you back from embarking on what could be the start of a beautiful thing.
Question

Is it okay for a girl to pursue a crush? Isn't that the guy's job?

Community Answer

No way! We're all people. If you like somebody, go for it. Don't worry about old-fashioned conventions or how it might look to others. Having feelings for someone and acting on them is nothing to be ashamed of.

Warnings

Take care to eliminate any unpleasant bad breath or body odor. Bad hygiene could blow your shot before you get your first words out.

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Helpful 42 Not Helpful 0
If your crush clearly isn't interested in talking to you, don't pester them. At least you gave it your best shot.

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It might be better not to come on too strong if your crush is already seeing somebody. You don't want to cause any unnecessary drama.

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