How to Ask a Friend to Hang Out

Co-authored by Jessica George, MA, CHt and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: July 6, 2022

If you’ve recently made a new friend, you might be considering asking them to hang out one on one. While it can feel like a big step to take, it doesn’t have to be super nerve-wracking! Read through these tips to learn how you can ask someone to hang out with you in a cool, casual way.

1

Gauge their interest with an open-ended invitation.

If you aren’t sure if they want to hang, try this. An open-ended invitation is a little less specific than a fully fleshed out plan. You can use this on newer friends to get a read on how interested they are in hanging out with you. Try saying something like:^{[1]
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- “Do you want to go for a bike ride sometime soon?”
- “We should go check out that new coffee shop.”
- “What days are you usually free? Wanna hang out sometime?”

2

Keep your phrasing casual.

Sounding too formal can be slightly off-putting. Instead of saying, “I’d like to invite you out on Saturday,” stick to something like, “Wanna come see the game with me this weekend?” You’ll sound more inviting, and your friend will be more likely to accept your offer.^{[2]
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- Start your conversation with a friendly greeting like, "Hey Billy, how are you doing? I hope you're doing well," to lead into the conversation.
- Stay away from anything self-deprecating, too. Something like, “I have such a hard time making friends… Wanna hang out?” can be a little off-putting, and it could put unnecessary pressure on your friend.

3

Ask what they’re up to on a certain day.

Get more specific if you have an activity planned. This works well for things like concerts or activities that you need to buy tickets for. Be sure to follow up with the specific activity you had in mind so your friend knows why you’re asking. For example:^{[3]
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- “Do you have any plans next weekend? I was thinking of getting tickets to the new exhibit at the museum downtown.”
- “What are you doing Thursday after work? I’m going to see my favorite band, and tickets are pretty cheap. Wanna come with me?”

4

Invite them to a short, low-key outing.

If you two are new friends, try a quick, casual activity. Instead of inviting someone out for a multi-day camping trip, start with drinks after work or a session at the gym. Your friend will be more likely to accept if they know it isn’t something huge, especially if you two have never hung out before.^{[4]
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- If you’ve hung out a few times already, feel free to invite your friend on a larger hangout, like a boating trip or an afternoon of rock climbing.

5

Lock down a time, date, and place.

That way, there’s no confusion about your plans. While it’s fine to say you’re going to hangout “soon,” that doesn’t really mean much. If you actually want to hang out with your friend, get an idea of when and where you’re going to meet up so you know it’s actually happening.^{[5]
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- You can confirm your plans by saying something like, “Okay cool, so drinks after work on Friday? What time do you get off?”
- Or, “I’ll see you on Saturday to watch the game. What time should I head over?”
- If you don’t already have your friend’s number, now would be a good time to jot it down. That way, you can text or call them if you need confirmation or directions.

6

Include them in group plans you already have.

Take the pressure off your friend by inviting them along. If you’re already heading out with a group of people, ask them to tag along if they want to. That way, if they can’t go, they don’t have to feel super bad about it.^{[6]
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- Say something like, “Hey, me and some buddies were gonna watch the game at my place on Sunday. Feel free to stop by if you want to!”
- Or, “I’m meeting some friends at the river this weekend, I’d love it if you joined us.”

7

Let them contact you if they seem unsure.

If your friend won’t commit to plans, put the ball in their court. Let them know when you’re free and make sure they have your number. Tell them to call or text you if they want to hang out at any point, or ask them to meet you somewhere specific. Try something like:^{[7]
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- “I’m free all day Saturday, so just give me a call if you want to hang out.”
- “Feel free to text me once you get off work on Monday. I have the day off, so I won’t be doing much.”
- “I’ll be at the mall later if you want to meet up. Text me if you decide to come!”

8

Don’t push it if they say no.

If your friend seems uninterested, that’s okay! It doesn’t mean they don’t like you—they might just be super busy or not interested in the activity you had planned. If they say they’re not up for it and they don’t propose a different idea, it’s best to just drop it and wait for your friend to suggest something else.^{[8]
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- Sometimes, people will say no indirectly. They might say, “I’m just super busy right now,” or, “I don’t have a lot of free time.”
- However, if your friend says, “I’m busy tomorrow, but what about next week?” that means they actually want to hang out soon. Try to work around their schedule to make time for them.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you ask to hang out without seeming desperate?

Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II
Therapist
Ebony Eubanks is a Therapist, and Founder and CEO of Peaceful Living Counseling and Professional Services of Philadelphia, PA and in Hockessin, DE. With over a decade of experience providing counseling and coaching to individuals, couples, and groups, she specializes in depression, anxiety, couples work, life guidance coaching, and anger management. Ebony holds a Master’s in Social Work from Temple University and is a member of the Academy of Certified Social Workers. She is a Certified Anger Management Specialist-II, Level II trained Gottman Couples Therapist. and Certified Gestalt Therapist. Ebony also holds additional certifications in Advanced Clinician Training.

Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II

Therapist

Expert Answer

Focus on reconnecting with them. You might say something like: "Hey Billy, I was just thinking about you! I hope you're well—we haven't connected in a while, and I really miss talking to you. I wanted to know if you'd like to hang out at this date, or what your availability was."