How to Avoid Being Scared at Night

The feeling of being scared is a natural response in certain situations, such as being in the dark at night. Being scared stems from fear, which is part of our body's "fight or flight" response that helps us know if we are in danger.[1] The perceived danger can be physical or psychological, and often puts us on edge and causes anxiety.[2] The problem is when this natural response of being scared begins to impact your daily functioning, including sleeping. Being scared at night can negatively affect sleeping patterns and overall quality of life for both children and adults.[3]

Method 1
Method 1 of 2:

Dealing with Nighttime Anxiety

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    Avoid the mid-day nap. When you stay up late, you wake up tired, not feeling refreshed and, by the middle of the day, craving a nap. However, napping for a long period of time in the middle of the day can make you less able to fall asleep with ease when you go to bed at night. Moreover, when you are tired at night and ready to go to sleep, you have less time and energy to think about being scared.[4]
    • If you feel that you must nap mid-day because you're too zapped to keep going, try taking a "power nap" just before lunch.[5] These short naps of 15-20 minutes can give you some great benefits, including a burst of energy and alertness and increased motor performance. These shorter naps are what most people really need to stave off sleepiness and get the energy needed to continue on with their day.[6]
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    Try deep breathing techniques.[7] Focusing on deepening your breath is one way to invoke the relaxation response to stress. Deep breathing, in which you expand the lungs and abdomen, encourages full oxygen exchange, the trading of incoming fresh oxygen for outgoing carbon dioxide. Deep breathing slows the heartbeat and stabilizes blood pressure.[8]
    • Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Take one or two normal breaths to settle yourself. Inhale, or take a deep breath, for 5 counts. Hold for 5 counts. Then exhale, letting all the air out, for 5 counts. Repeat for several cycles until you feel more calm.
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    Meditate.[9] Meditation is a helpful tool to feel more relaxed. Some people find it especially useful to meditate at the end of the days to help focus and quiet the mind after a busy day. Meditation is one way to become more aware of your surroundings and to achieve a higher level of awareness and inner calm. It is recommended that you meditate an hour before bed.[10]
    • You can meditate anywhere you like and for as long as you like. This basically allows you to access a sense of tranquility and peace no matter what's going on around you.
    • Sit in a comfortable position. Focus on your breath. Focus on being present and relaxed in your body, and notice every breath you take. Work on clearing your mind of any negative or stressful thoughts; this can be the hardest part. If you find your mind wandering, focus on counting your inhales and exhales.
    • Some people find it helpful to focus on an object in the room, like a candle, or to harness their energy and focus into an audible sound, like "um".[11]
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    Keep a journal. Writing in a journal can help you understand and better cope with the emotions and fears that arise at night.[12] There is no right or wrong way to journal; you could create a lists or write more narrative entries describe your feelings and emotions at a given time.[13] In general, seeing your thoughts reflected on paper might help you identify some important patterns, which then you can learn to cope with or alleviate.
    • Try journaling for 10-20 minutes a day about whatever comes to your mind. Do not worry about spelling or grammar. Just let yourself process whatever you need to on paper.
    • Ask yourself some key questions to try to figure out what it is that scares you:[14] What fears come to mind about the night? What feelings are coming up in the night or when you try to go to sleep? Do you avoid any particular places or activities at night?
    • Listing-making can also be a useful part of journaling, especially if you find worrying a reason you are unable to sleep. Make a "to-do" list for tomorrow, make a list of all of the positive things about a day, or make a list of what you look forward to tomorrow.
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    Take a warm bath. The reason a bath helps with sleep is because your body temperature increases while you are in the bath and then lowers after the bath. Lower body temperature helps you to fall asleep.
    • A bath should be taken about 2 hours before you plan to sleep because of the time needed to first raise and then lower your body temperature to enable easier sleep.
    • To enhance the calming effects of a warm bath, try incorporating some essential oils or scents associated with relaxation. Consider using a bubble bath or soap scented with lavender. Research shows that the herb lavender can produce calming, soothing, and sedative effects when its scent is inhaled.
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    Watch what you eat or drink before bed. Avoid eating a heavy meal right before you go to bed. In addition, avoid all stimulants such as coffee, nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, and/or sugar within 4 hours of when you plan to go to bed. Stimulants keep your brain awake, which can make it harder to stop worrying and calm down before bed.[15]
    • However, eating a small snack about two hours before bed can be helpful. A good choice would be a banana and low-fat milk or a small handful of almonds.[16] [17]
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    Turn lights on. Nightlights are not just for children. It is recommended to have a nightlight in the hallway or bathroom, rather than your bedroom, where it may be distracting for you. Light can impact natural sleep patterns, making it harder for your internal clock to get ready for bed and for you to have a restful sleep.[18]
    • Having some light in your home will also make you more aware of your surroundings and help assuage any fear of the dark you may have.
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    Create some white noise. White noise, such as a fan or the sound of static, nature and ocean sounds, or other types of instrumental music can be soothing and help block out other noises that can trigger your fear.[19] [20]
    • You can actually purchase white noise machines designed with an array of different sounds to help facilitate more restful sleep. In addition, there are many apps for smartphones to help people sleep that come with relaxation sounds and/or white noise.
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    Make your home safe. When your fear of the night stems from safety concerns, such as someone breaking into your home, take action steps to make your home safer.
    • Secure windows with locks.
    • Put curtains up to provide privacy.
    • If it make you feel safe, keep an item by your bed that could be used to protect yourself. However, avoid keeping an item near you that you or someone else in your home could accidentally use to hurt themselves or others, such as a gun or knife. Instead opt for a heavy object, such as a book or paperweight. The placement of this object nearby may help you feel safer, but will also not increase any risk or danger in your home.
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    Consider the temperature of your room. The temperature can affect how well and for how long you sleep. Your body temperature drops as you go to sleep and a slightly cooler, rather than too warm, room can help this process along and help you achieve a sounder and easier sleep. But if the room is too cold (or too warm), you are more likely to have trouble settling into sleep and will wake up more often. Though researchers can't say what is an ideal temperature because what is comfortable for one person isn't always the case for another person, a typical recommendation is to make sure your room is between 65–72 °F (18.3–22.2 °C).[21]
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    Distract yourself. A healthy amount of distraction is a good way deal with being scared. A "healthy amount" means enough distraction to engage your attention and emotions but not enough that you get hyper or overexcited and cannot settle down before bed.[22]
    • Read a book. Avoid anything too exciting or scary. Read something that you're interested in and that immerses you. This will keep you focused on the plot and/or subject, and not on your fear.
    • Watch TV or go on your computer, tablet or smartphone. The evidence is mixed on the impact of using technology before bed on your sleep patterns. The most recent research suggests that watching TV or using technology before bed in fact hinders healthy sleep patterns. However, if you want to use technology to distract yourself a few hours before you head to bed, this can be helpful in keeping your mind off of your fear. Just make sure you "unplug" an hour or two before you actually plan to sleep.[23]
    • Listen to calming music.[24] The music should be anything that relaxes you, and makes you feel comfortable and happy.
    • Count. Count forwards or backwards as long as you can to keep your mind focus on something other than your fear until you feel yourself dose off.
    • Tell a story in your head. Play out a fictional scenario in your mind that distracts you from whatever worry you have.
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    Pray. Some people find praying before bed can be relaxing and help alleviate worries and fears.[25]
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    Think positive and logical thoughts. Think "happy thoughts" before you go to bed - about your family, your friends, your favorite activities, so on. Remember all of the good things in your life and all of the people you love and who love you back; you are surrounded by love and protection.
    • It can also be useful to pause and use your logistical thinking. For example, if you live in an apartment, most of the sounds that scare you are probably just the sounds of other people in your building. Creaky floor sounds, muffled voices, occasional thuds as doors shut, etc., are not indications that anything sinister is going to happen to you, but that you live near other people - and that you are not alone!
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    Ask for support. Do not be afraid to ask for support. Sometimes feeling isolated from the rest of the world at night is what intensifies the scary feelings.
    • If you are new to being alone because you've just moved into your own room, a dorm or a new apartment, maybe support means asking for a friend or relative to spend your first night in your new space with you.
    • You could have have the phone number of a friend who stays up late readily available in case you wake up from a nightmare or can't doze off and need to talk to someone.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 2:

Helping Children with Nighttime Fears

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    Talk to your child about his fears. Let your child tell you what it is they're afraid of at nighttime. But don't force your child to tell you if they're not ready. Keep in mind as well that a child's fear may differ depending on his particular stage of development. For example, younger kids have a harder time telling the difference between what is real and what is imaginary.[26]
    • Never respond by calling your child's fear "ridiculous" or "stupid." Instead, accept your child's fear and work with them to try to overcome it. Remember that you were once a child and likely had lots of silly fears too! [27]
    • Try talking about your child's fears during the day, when they're not afraid. Discuss strategies regarding how they can be less scared at bedtime. Additionally, build your child's self-confidence during the day; comment on their "bravery" and what a "big boy" or girl they are. The idea is that if he feels secure and confident during the day, this can help them in the night.[28]
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    Do not support or build up your child's fears. Once you know the nature of your child's fear, don't support the fear, even unintentionally, by formally recognizing or acknowledging it. For example, if your child is afraid of monsters, don't pretend to get out the monster repellant spray or to check the room for monsters. Such actions make it seem to your child like you too believe that these monsters exist.
    • Instead, consider talking to your child about the difference between imagination and reality. For example, if he's afraid of monsters under the bed because he watched the film Monsters, Inc., let your child know that movies are made-up and are not real. You will likely need to have this conversation multiple times as the child develops his mental capacity for logic and reasoning.[29]
    • Constantly reassure your child that he is safe. Communicate the notion of safety repeatedly.[30]
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    Supervise what your child watches/sees. Do not allow your child to watch scary TV shows or play scary or violent video games. These may increase your child's fears before he goes to sleep.[31] [32]
    • In general you should try to limit your child's exposure to TV and other electronics before bed as this can keep him from settling into sleep. Instead, try reading a story to him (again, nothing scary!) or reading together. Research has shown that bedtime stories can enhance children's learning and development and also help develop closer bonds between children and parents.[33]
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    Give your child a warm bath. The reason a bath helps with sleep is because your body temperature increases while you are in the bath and then lowers after the bath. Lower body temperature helps people fall asleep.
    • A bath should be taken about 2 hours before bedtime because of the time needed to first raise and then lower body temperature.
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    Make the child's room ideal for sleeping. Make sure the room is tidy before your child goes to sleep and that you put away anything lying around that isn't where it is supposed to be. When it's dark, a child's eyes can play tricks on him. Keeping things in their proper place will help your child avoid seeing things where there really is nothing to be seen. A neatly made bed - before your child gets into it, that is! - can also help facilitate the bedtime routine.
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    Add comforting touches to the room. Have lots of pillows around the child so he feels safe and cozy. Place a treasured item near your child on the bed, like a special blanket, stuffed animal or family photo beside the bed. Not only will these little comforts make him feel cozier, but they can also help your child feel more secure since he is surrounded by things he loves.[34]
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    Put on a nightlight. A nightlight can be used to give your child a sense of calm as he goes to sleep, since many children are afraid of the dark. You can buy nightlights in fun shapes and sizes. Consider bringing your child with you to pick one out and explain to him what it's for. Give him an active role to play in overcoming his own fear.[35]
    • If the light interferes with your child's ability to fall and remain asleep, you should remove it. A dim nightlight is advised only insofar as it does not disrupt the child's sleeping patterns.
    • You can also leave your child's door open either partially or fully. Keeping the door open will help alleviate any fear associated with the separation from parents during the night.[36]
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    Bring the pet into the room. Cuddles with pets can make people feel better.[37] [38] A cat to snuggle around your feet, a dog resting on the floor, or even the soothing sounds of a fish filter or a hamster wheel can be be comforting in the night.[39]
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    Stay with your child for a while. If your child is very frightened and cannot be in the room alone at first, it is acceptable to stay by or in his bed with him until he falls asleep. However, only do this occasionally. If it becomes part of the regular bedtime routine (even two nights in a row), it may become a crutch and your child may not be able to sleep without your presence.[40]
    • If your child is afraid of being alone, let him know that you'll check on him.[41] Start by checking in on him after 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, and so on, until he is asleep. Just do a quick check; don't linger, as your child may come to depend on your presence.[42]
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    Keep your child in his own bed. If your child wakes up in the middle of the night and is afraid to go back to sleep because he is scared, reassure him and tell him that he is safe and okay. If your child comes to your room in the night, take him back to his bed and again reassure him. It's important to not let him get into your bed. Your child needs to learn that his bed is safe and that nothing will happen to him.[43]
    • Letting your child into your bed will not alleviate the fear but instead will support it and your child will not learn to overcome the fear.[44]
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    Consult your physician if your child's fear does not dissipate. If your child's nighttime fear continues even after trying all of the above, or if it begins to impact his daily functioning, consider taking him to his doctor, where you can get a recommendation in order to have a formal psychological assessment done.[45]
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Expert Q&A

  • Question
    How can I calm myself down at night?
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
    Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a Certified Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) Psychotherapist and Emotions Educator (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy based in New York City. With almost 20 years of experience, she specializes in helping people understand emotions and how they affect the mind through The Change Triangle tool. Hilary is also the author of It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, which was the winner of the 2018 Best Book Award in the Mental Health/Psychology Category and the 2018 Silver Nautilus Award for Personal Growth (Large Publisher). Hilary has published articles in The New York Times, TIME magazine, Oprah.com, NBC Think, Salon.com, and Fox News. She was also the psychological consultant on AMC’s Mad Men. Hilary is also the co-developer of the Emotions Education 101Turnkey Curriculum. She holds a BA in Biochemistry from Wesleyan University and a Master’s in Social Work from Fordham University.
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
    Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator
    Expert Answer
    Try a variety of soothing activities! You might enjoy relaxing music, positive imagery, or deep belly breathing.
  • Question
    Why do I get so scared at night?
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
    Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a Certified Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) Psychotherapist and Emotions Educator (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy based in New York City. With almost 20 years of experience, she specializes in helping people understand emotions and how they affect the mind through The Change Triangle tool. Hilary is also the author of It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, which was the winner of the 2018 Best Book Award in the Mental Health/Psychology Category and the 2018 Silver Nautilus Award for Personal Growth (Large Publisher). Hilary has published articles in The New York Times, TIME magazine, Oprah.com, NBC Think, Salon.com, and Fox News. She was also the psychological consultant on AMC’s Mad Men. Hilary is also the co-developer of the Emotions Education 101Turnkey Curriculum. She holds a BA in Biochemistry from Wesleyan University and a Master’s in Social Work from Fordham University.
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
    Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
    Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator
    Expert Answer
    Try to reflect on what's causing your anxiety. What are you actually experiencing at night? Is your anxiety rooted in fears from your childhood? There might be traumas or bad memories that you never processed.
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Warnings

  • Trauma, anxiety, phobias, and other mental health disorders are more than just fear and are often deeply rooted, which makes them hard to effectively overcome without professional support.[46] If you feel that your condition is more than just a run-of-the-mill fear of the night and that you are unable to cope or sleep properly, you should consult a mental health professional who can help you diagnose your fear and develop an appropriate treatment plan.
    ⧼thumbs_response⧽
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References

  1. ↑ http://www.psychologistworld.com/stress/fightflight.php
  2. ↑ Reeve, J. (2001). Understanding Motivation and Emotions.
  3. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15655/1/How-to-Stop-Being-Afraid-of-Sleeping-Alone.html
  4. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15655/1/How-to-Stop-Being-Afraid-of-Sleeping-Alone.html
  5. ↑ http://www.prevention.com/health/sleep-energy/best-foods-eat-night-help-you-sleep
  6. ↑ www.webmd.com/balance/features/the-secret-and-surprising-power-of-naps
  7. ↑ Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator. Expert Interview. 8 September 2021.
  8. ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
  9. ↑ Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator. Expert Interview. 8 September 2021.
  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/minding-the-body/201203/four-good-times-day-meditate-and-one-avoid
  2. ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/mindfulness-meditation-helps-fight-insomnia-improves-sleep-201502187726
  3. ↑ http://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=4552
  4. ↑ http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/getting/overcoming/tips
  5. ↑ Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator. Expert Interview. 8 September 2021.
  6. ↑ http://ucc.nd.edu/self-help/sleep-issues/
  7. ↑ http://ucc.nd.edu/self-help/sleep-issues/
  8. ↑ http://www.prevention.com/health/sleep-energy/best-foods-eat-night-help-you-sleep
  9. ↑ http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/science/how/external-factors
  10. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15655/1/How-to-Stop-Being-Afraid-of-Sleeping-Alone.html
  11. ↑ http://healthysleep.med.harvard.edu/healthy/science/how/external-factors
  12. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/cant-sleep-adjust-the-temperature?page=2
  13. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15655/1/How-to-Stop-Being-Afraid-of-Sleeping-Alone.html
  14. ↑ http://www.cbsnews.com/news/kids-should-unplug-before-sleep-study-suggests/
  15. ↑ Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator. Expert Interview. 8 September 2021.
  16. ↑ http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15655/1/How-to-Stop-Being-Afraid-of-Sleeping-Alone.html
  17. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  18. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/children-and-bedtime-fears-and-nightmares
  19. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/children-and-bedtime-fears-and-nightmares/page/0/1
  20. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  21. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/children-and-bedtime-fears-and-nightmares
  22. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  23. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/children-and-bedtime-fears-and-nightmares
  24. ↑ http://www.parents.com/fun/entertainment/books/the-brainy-benefits-of-bedtime-stories/
  25. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  26. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/children-and-bedtime-fears-and-nightmares
  27. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/children-and-bedtime-fears-and-nightmares
  28. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12672376
  29. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12672376
  30. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  31. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  32. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/children-and-bedtime-fears-and-nightmares
  33. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  34. ↑ http://sleepfoundation.org/ask-the-expert/children-and-bedtime-fears-and-nightmares
  35. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  36. ↑ http://www.cincinnatichildrens.org/health/b/bedtime-fears/
  37. ↑ Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator. Expert Interview. 8 September 2021.

About This Article

Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
Co-authored by:
Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator
This article was co-authored by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. Hilary Jacobs Hendel is a Certified Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) Psychotherapist and Emotions Educator (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy based in New York City. With almost 20 years of experience, she specializes in helping people understand emotions and how they affect the mind through The Change Triangle tool. Hilary is also the author of It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, which was the winner of the 2018 Best Book Award in the Mental Health/Psychology Category and the 2018 Silver Nautilus Award for Personal Growth (Large Publisher). Hilary has published articles in The New York Times, TIME magazine, Oprah.com, NBC Think, Salon.com, and Fox News. She was also the psychological consultant on AMC’s Mad Men. Hilary is also the co-developer of the Emotions Education 101Turnkey Curriculum. She holds a BA in Biochemistry from Wesleyan University and a Master’s in Social Work from Fordham University. This article has been viewed 956,631 times.
13 votes - 93%
Co-authors: 198
Updated: October 26, 2021
Views: 956,631
Categories: Fear

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Article SummaryX

Feeling scared at night is perfectly natural, but you’ll want to deal with it if it starts impacting your sleeping pattern or daily life. Practice deep breathing when you feel stressed, which is when you breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, then slowly exhale. You could also try meditating before going to bed so you can empty your mind of any fears from your day. If you feel afraid of the dark, try turning a night light on in the hallway or bathroom so it’s not totally dark. Create some white noise in your room, like by turning on a fan or playing nature sounds, which will block out any noises that may cause you to feel anxious. For tips from our co-author on how to talk to your child about their nighttime fears, keep reading!

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