How to Be a Great Best Friend

Last Updated: November 4, 2022 Approved

Do you want to be a good best friend but don't know how or where to start that perfect friendship? Have you fallen out with your best mate and want to prove how nice you can be if they'll forgive you? No matter what reason you have, this article will help you become a great best friend.

Part 1

Part 1 of 5:

Respecting Yourself

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Be yourself. Being yourself around someone is part of what makes you all best friends. You are who you are, and your best friend will accept that. Being "fake" could lead you to lose your best friend, and it gets tiring to be someone whom you're not. Be best friends with someone who you know you can be yourself around because it isn't worth it trying to be someone you're not in order to get closer to someone else.^{[1]
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- Don't hold things in. If you feel uncomfortable or have hard feelings toward your best friend, talk about it with them. It hurts even more when your friendship is being torn to bits while your friend has no idea how to fix it. Make things comfortable, and you'll both go through thick and thin together.
2
Be your own best friend first. Learn how to respect yourself. If you can't respect yourself, then you can't respect others. Decide what boundaries are important to you and respect them. Not only is this healthy for you, but you'll also get enough practice and experience so that you'll be familiar with this area when respecting other people's boundaries. Understand what values are important to you and stick by them. Seek out others who honor those values because you'll only end up hurting yourself and possibly others if those people don't have the same values as you.
- Close relationships with other people — whether it's a romantic relationship or an intimate friendship — teach us a lot about ourselves. Don't be afraid to learn about yourself. If you don't like who you are, it's hard for other people to like you.
- Don't judge yourself too harshly. It's easy to hold ourselves to a really high standard sometimes, a standard that is impossible to uphold. If you're a perfectionist, learn to be a little forgiving toward yourself.
- Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Everyone feels vulnerable about some things, right? Don't be afraid to show your best friends the parts of yourself that are vulnerable. They won't care, and if they do, they might not be the right friend for you.
- If your friends kindly point out your faults and/or suggest you make certain changes to help your friendships blossom, don't automatically grow defensive or harbor bitter feelings against them. They are only trying to help you become a better person, and you should feel blessed to have such thoughtful friends. Also, if you improve yourself, you'll be able to prevent future friendships from being torn apart.
  - However, if your friends aren't being very nice to you about your faults and picking on you for it, kindly let them know how you feel. If they refuse to stop, you may not want to spend as much time with them anymore.

Part 2

Part 2 of 5:

Building Trust and Loyalty

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Trust each other. You may find it hard in life and think that it is impossible to keep your best friend happy. To be a good best friend really doesn't take much. All you have to do really is make sure you can both trust each other about really important matters. Don't try to trick or use your friend to your advantage; you need to make them know they can trust you.
- Realize that your best friend may have other friends. Trust that you're really important to them and let your best friend have a social life outside of you. A love between friends is never jealous.
  - To prevent loneliness from biting you, have a small circle of friends. That way, if one friend is unavailable or they turn out to be your enemy, you'll have other friends to support you. It's good to know as many people as possible, but only have a few close friends that you tell your secrets to. This will lower the chance of your secrets being spilled.
- Don't keep secrets. Be open about what's going on in your life and what you hear about other people. If you don't want to talk about something, don't bring it up in the first place. If your best friend insists on hearing and you still don't want to talk about it, say: "You know you're my best friend; if I were going to tell anybody, it would be you. But I'm just not comfortable talking about it with anyone. I promise you'll be the first to know when I'm ready to talk, okay?"
- Know that you'll probably go through rough patches. Bear in mind though that sometimes you will have to give them some space so that they can have time alone and think things through. Being a best friend means understanding when a little bit of time alone or space from them can be a good thing.
2
Be trustworthy. If they tell you a secret, make sure to keep it. Never tell someone a secret your friend wanted you to keep. Don't even leak it out to someone you know you can trust. A secret is a secret.
- Know the difference between a harmless secret and a dangerous secret. Dangerous secrets not only threaten your friend's life, but it can also affect you as well. Despite the fact that your friend may not want people to know about their secret, it's best to tell your parents or a trusted adult about this. Keep in mind that your friend might have told you their secret because they are tired of keeping it to themselves and they are silently asking for help.
- Keep your word. If you say you're going to do something, do it. Follow through with it. You know what they say: Talk is cheap. Let your best friend know that if you say you're going to do something, you don't ever back away.
- Don't gossip about your best friend. Don't say anything that might turn into a rumor. For example, if they had a crush, they'd probably be embarrassed if you told someone. Make sure you know your best friend is okay with it if you do tell other people. Things like this are sometimes hard to do, but if you want a solid friendship you have to be willing to do them.
3
Be loyal. Stick up for your friend when they need it. Respect those times when they need to stick up for themselves. Trust your friend and allow yourself to be vulnerable with them. Through ups, downs, and disagreements, you'll still try to work things out and be their friend, truly demonstrating your loyalty.
- Say "no" when you need to while still being their friend. A friend of integrity is of great value. Tell them respectfully when you think they're wrong. The journey of life is about learning from your mistakes, not always needing to be right.
- If you don't learn to say "no" to your friend, it'll hurt your friendship more than improve it. Not only may your friend grow too reliant on you, but you'll also feel strained and angry.
4
When you two fight, try to work things out so everyone is happy. Don't say mean things, whether it is right in their face or through a text. Apologize, but understand that it may take some time to get over what's happened. Let them cool down and talk to you when they are ready.
- Never leave the problem alone and pretend it doesn't exist. It will not fade, and it will eventually pop up again later. It's best to solve the problem while it's small before it grows bigger and more painful.
- If you two need help solving your problems, ask your parents or a trusted adult to help.
5
Come through in the clutch. When your friend really needs something done, or a favor, be there for them. Help out. Think of how much they'd appreciate it. You never know when you'll be stuck between a rock and a hard place and might need someone (a good friend, maybe?) to bail you out.
6
Stick up for your best friend. Sitting and watching your best friend get picked on or teased is definitely not going to earn you a brownie badge! If your best friend is getting seriously bullied and you're scared you'll get hurt if you get involved, then get help from a teacher or parents. If you can stick up for them without getting harmed yourself, make sure you do so. Imagine how you would feel if you were being picked on and a friend told everyone to shut up and clear off.
- If you or your friend consistently has problems with another person, try not to be childish or immature about it. Don't prank them or embarrass them; sadly, that will only make things worse. Tell an adult what's happening, or simply ignore them. People hate being ignored and eventually lose interest in you.

Part 3

Part 3 of 5:

Spending Time Together

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Spend time with your friend. Hang out on the weekends or plan activities together every now and then, do some homework together, and chat during the break at school. You don't have to live in each others' pockets, but make sure you spend some quality time together with your best friend to make the friendship grow and become stronger.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
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- Know that you'll probably have to sacrifice some of your time and maybe effort to be your best friend. It should feel like something you want to be doing, even when it's hard.
- Invite other people to hang out with you. Being best friends doesn't mean you have to isolate yourselves from other people. Sometimes, it's nice to be alone; you don't need anybody else to have fun together. Other times, your enjoyment is increased by including other people into the fold.
2
Share laughs. There is nothing like laughing and smiling to bring people together. Besides, when they're really friends, you guys can laugh at the dumbest, smallest, weirdest stuff and it doesn't really matter. Take time out of your day to appreciate the funny things in life.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
3
Learn to listen. Nobody likes a best friend who just talks and talks but never listens. If you're a chatterbox, try to develop good listening skills. Whenever your best friend says something, listen carefully and say something. Don't just say "yeah" and move on. Don't interrupt or fidget continually while they're talking to you. If they ask for advice, listen carefully and give them the best advice you can. It'll earn you respect and of course, make them come to you more.^{[4]
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- Be an active listener. Being an active listener means reading in between the lines. Sometimes it means knowing what the other person feels or is thinking before they do. If you're an active listener, you might know who your friend likes before they do.
- Know when not to talk. There's an old saying out there: The dumb person talks; the wise person listens. While that's definitely an overstatement, it has some truth in it. Begin to feel comfortable just being with your bestie, not constantly having to talk to fill the silence.

Part 4

Part 4 of 5:

Caring For Each Other

1
Care for your best friend. If your best friend is upset, ask them what's wrong. They might not tell you straight away, but they should in the end. If they don't tell you, don't get angry at them: Understand that certain things are private, and trust that they'd be just as patient with you if you were in their shoes.
- If a boy or girl has upset them, tell them not to worry because you are there for them and you're not going anywhere. Also tell them that there are plenty more boys or girls out there just waiting to meet the love of their life. Reassure your best friend that they will find someone who loves them for who they are.
- Remind yourself that lending a helping hand to your best friend doesn't really cost you anything. It may not be easy to constantly comfort them or find advice to give, but know that your best friend would do the same for you in your time of need.
- If your friend is away from home, send them cards or care packages to show that you care. If they're sick, call them and ask how they are doing. Show them you appreciate their presence in your life. Write them notes to show that you care and are thankful for them, and ask about their lives. Share your own stories, but make sure you have time for them.
2
Get to know their family. Our families are really important to us, even if they can sometimes be annoying, rude and pesky. Getting to know your best friend's family shows them that you appreciate where they come from, and that you're interested in knowing the people who are valuable in their life.

Part 5

Part 5 of 5:

Being Realistic with Each Other

1
Avoid expectations. If you assume you know what best friends' roles are, you could get disappointed and frustrated. Best friends are the most valuable friends you have, but they can't help or support you in every aspect of your life. Do not expect them to always be there, or expect them to say the thing you want to hear. If you set expectations for your best friends that are too high, it will only leave you disappointed and defeated.
- Be your own caretaker. This comes back to being your own best friend and taking care of yourself. If you take care of yourself, you'll never put your friend in a position where they have to come in and rescue you. If you never put your friend in this position, you'll never be disappointed.
- Remember that no one is perfect - not even your best friend. Everyone has their own faults, and they need to work through it. Don't be mean to your friend about their faults, but help them work through it while asking for help on your own as well. However, when gently letting your friend know, understand that your friend has feelings, and it's best to only focus on the faults that are the biggest threat to your friendship. Know what faults to ignore/let go of and what faults to help your friend solve.
  - Sometimes, you need to let your friend solve their faults without your help, unless they ask for your assistance. Constant nagging will make your friend feel stressed and angry, and they may be unwilling to improve your friendship if you're putting pressure on it.
2
Understand that best friends sometimes grow apart. It's natural to stop having chemistry with a certain person. If you grow apart, for whatever reason, just be happy for the good times, and know how lucky you were to have that great person be a part of your life.
- If neither of you make an effort to get together, or if you get into fights with them for no reason, then maybe you weren't meant to be best friends. It's not anyone's fault. Maybe you two are too much alike. Who knows? You might just need a break from one another for a few weeks.
- Always treat your friend with respect, even if you grow apart. Don't be angry with them, it's truly not worth keeping all that anger locked up inside. Be courteous, kind, and respectful if you have a falling apart. You never know when things might change.
3
Let your friend have other friends, too. If your best friend picks another friend over you, try to be friends with their friend too. Maybe you guys can be a group of friends! Everyone is always looking for new friends. But never, ever leave the old one; your loyalty is what the other person expects and counts on every day.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What if you're jealous when your best friend is hanging around with someone else?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Best friends will usually also have other individual friends. If you really care about your friend, you will not resent their other friends. Be sure to show interest in their other friends, and join them when asked.
Question

How can I make my angry friend happy?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

It is best to allow your friend to have their own feelings. You cannot change your friend's feelings. Sometimes they will be sad or angry and not happy. A good friend stands by their friend no matter what is going on.