How to Become More Masculine when Feminine

Co-authored by Joanne Gruber

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References Approved

The perception of masculinity and femininity depends almost entirely on culture, and culture changes constantly. In 1993, a female U.S. senator caused a stir by wearing trousers to work!^{[1]
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Research source} Nevertheless, many people of all genders want to present themselves as traditionally masculine. It takes more than trousers in most parts of the world, but changing your appearance, habits, and mindset can help you feel more comfortable with yourself and your interactions with others.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Adopting a Masculine Attitude

1
Project confidence. If one of your goals is to be taken more seriously or to command more authority, make it a priority to fight self-doubt and unnecessarily passive behavior. Anyone can take these steps, even people who decide to stick with a more feminine appearance:
- Adopt confident body language, including straight-backed posture, eye contact, and arm positions that leave the front of your body "open."
- Accept compliments and stop over-apologizing. (Say "Thank you, I appreciate that." instead of "It's nothing.")
- Practice asking for what you want and acknowledging your own abilities. ("Yes, I do have experience in ____ but I charge $___ for this kind of work.")
2
Take risks. Much like confidence, risk-taking is often associated with a masculine attitude. This can show up as a reckless behavior for its own sake, but a more positive aspect is the ability to push yourself to make smart but scary choices. Examine the assumptions in your life that are holding you back, and think outside the box for ways to break free. Are you only staying in your job because change frightens you? Is your romantic life suffering because you are timid about pursuing or advancing relationships? Sometimes you need to risk bold steps to get where you want.
- If you get nervous about everyday risks, start facing your fear in minor ways. For example, push yourself to try something difficult in your hobby or workout. You'll either gain confidence by succeeding, or practice handling failure in a context with no major consequences.
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3
Be tough. The next time you feel like complaining about something, stop and think. If it's just a minor annoyance, let it go without trying to seek sympathy. This may help you most in professional contexts, where avoiding grudges and gossip can make your work life much easier.
- In Western cultures, men are supposed to have thick skin and be tough. It's important to realize the negative side of this cultural pressure as well. American men are much less likely than other genders to seek help for serious problems, especially ones related to emotional and mental health. This makes it much harder to recover, and ironically places a burden on their friends and family who have to deal with the unresolved turmoil.^{[2]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  American Psychological Association
  Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
  Go to source} It's not a virtue to pretend you can handle absolutely everything without help.
4
Be independent. Take responsibility for your own practical upkeep. Unless you're doing this just to meet other people's expectations, that means learning how to darn your own socks, not just "male" activities like changing a tire.
5
Set goals and achieve them. Adopting a more masculine attitude helps some people focus on their goals and get past the worrying stage. Whether it's a career, romance, or a personal achievement, set your eyes on the prize and find a way to start on the path today. Ask the hard questions, and work as hard as you can to answer them until you figure out your goals and know how to reach them.^{[3]
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Research source}
- It's okay for things not to go your way or to find that reaching your goals is harder than you expected. React with calm and determination.
6
Recognize hyper-masculinity and toxic masculinity. Hyper-masculinity is the attempt to embody masculine stereotypes as fully as possible, even if they don't benefit you. These stereotypical behaviors include extreme competition (especially with other masculine people), aggressive pursuit of sex, and seeking conflict or domination (especially over feminine people). This lifestyle makes it difficult to form close relationships, since it tests boundaries and rejects cooperation. People who act in hypermasculine ways are more likely to physically or sexually abuse their partners.^{[4]
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Research source} They may also take dangerous risks for little benefit, or feel forced into behaviors they don't enjoy in order to maintain their image.
- Participating in sports and competitive games can be an excellent way to let loose your inner "alpha male" in a controlled context.
7
Own your emotions. What did Rafael Nadal do right after he won the 2013 U.S. Open? He cried like a baby. Does that mean he isn't masculine? Absolutely not. It’s increasingly common for masculine people to express their emotions. People of all genders who hide their emotions are more likely to have unhappy relationships, experience severe anxiety or depression, and even develop stress-related diseases. At the very least, stay emotionally open with the closest friends and family in your life. Even in professional contexts, expressing your emotions without flinching or looking ashamed can support your masculinity by demonstrating self-assurance. If you're not at that stage, it's okay to put on a stoic face in public. Just don't be afraid to express emotion when it matters.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Using the Right Words

1
Speak your mind. If you have something constructive and useful to say, say it. A masculine conversation style revolves around assertion, and a willingness to voice your opinion even if you might make a mistake.
- There's an ugly side to this divide: in mixed-gender groups, men usually dominate the discussion, and often don't realize that they are interrupting others or not giving them a chance to speak.^{[5]
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  Research source} Whether you present as a man or a woman, try to pay attention to this dynamic. The group might get a lot more out of a meeting with a more cooperative or speak-in-turn format, or a social hangout that breaks into small groups.^{[6]
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  Research source}
2
Don't overthink it — at least not out loud. Being masculine means knowing exactly what to do — or at least making it look that way. Not admitting to a mistake or uncertainty can lead hypermasculine, competitive people to value your opinion less. Whether or not you think this is healthy, the reality is that hiding the chinks in your armor can help you win a fight when it counts. Ideally, do this in a way that doesn't bulldoze over a better idea or devolve into a pointless shouting match. If it becomes clear that your initial decision was the wrong choice, graciously propose a change without dwelling on your mistake or over-apologizing.
- This works best in a debate where you are the most knowledgeable person in the room. If someone is trying to "out-man" you, responding in kind with a confident demonstration of your expertise is a quicker path to success than trying to compromise.
3
Crack people up. Masculine people tend to make many more jokes than other genders, even though there doesn't seem to be a major biological difference in "funniness." If you present as masculine, making witty observations (even if they sometimes fall flat) may help you be seen as more masculine. People who present as feminine, unfortunately, have a much harder time adopting that stereotypically masculine style, and may get mixed reactions even when they make the same jokes.^{[7]
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Research source} People who want to be "one of the guys" can try amping up the humor, but the success may depend on how traditional their friends' viewpoints are.
4
Be the person you want to be. Everyone has a mix of masculine and feminine traits, not to mention non-gendered characteristics. Your masculinity will shift in style and forcefulness depending on context, and that's fine. Before you turn every conversation into a testosterone contest, remember the flip side of masculinity: the confidence to be honest without letting fear of judgement hold you back. Sometimes you need to take off the Indiana Jones hat and soften a little:
- Own up to your mistakes. If you can't admit your flaws, people will characterize you as the worst masculine stereotype: someone so invested in having their way that they end up emotionally fragile and sabotaging others' success.
- Don't let pride and confidence cross the line into bragging. Yes, showing off for a crush is one of the most universal masculine activities, but it gets old fast if you overdo it.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Looking More Masculine

1
Dress in a more masculine way. Looking the part isn't fundamental to changing your inner behavior, but it has a huge effect on how other people treat you. In most places in the U.S., a masculine look usually involves neutral or darker tones, few if any accessories, fairly loose-fitting trousers, and leaning toward rugged or casual instead of clothes that look carefully selected or expensive.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Joanne Gruber
Professional Stylist
Expert Interview. 30 July 2019.}
- It's impossible to lay down one masculine style for the entire world. There are countries where men wear brightly colored robes, and social groups where a custom-tailored suit and silver cufflinks are an expression of masculine power. Observe your masculine friends and ask them for advice if you're not sure where to start.
2
Have more masculine grooming habits. If you're male, growing more facial hair is an obvious way to appear more masculine. Fuller beards or scruff are generally more masculine than a carefully trimmed style, but like clothing this varies based on context. People of any gender can adopt a shorter, simpler hairstyle, or ask a barber to recommend a more masculine look.
- Even if you want to be more masculine, you should still take care of your hair and body by showering frequently enough to stay clean, but not so frequently that you don't give off some natural odor.
3
Make a female body look male. If you were assigned female at birth and want to present as male, you'll likely need to bind your chest. Whether you do or not, baggy clothing that hides your curves can make a big difference. Do not use Ace wraps as they can hurt your ribs. Also don't use tape, as this does not move with your body and can cause more damage.
- Use a professional binder only, avoid over-compressing, and rely on it only for short-term use. Binding your chest incorrectly can cause lasting damage.^{[9]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  Go Ask Alice
  Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University
  Go to source}
4
Have masculine swagger. If you want to look like a guy, adopt masculine body language. Stand proud and tall when you walk into a room and keep your shoulders out. Walk quickly and with purpose, and look straight ahead of you, not down at the floor. Lead with your shoulders rather than your hips. Be quick to smile and don't fidget, play with your hands, or groom yourself in public.
- Look like you're happy to walk to whatever destination that lies ahead of you, even if it's your math class.
- Smile at people, but don't slap a goofy smile on your face at all times. Don't bite your lip or squint with uncertainty. Instead, keep a straight face with just a slight smile and keep your eyes wide open, ready for the next challenge ahead.
5
Get your body in order. You don't have to become a bodybuilder, but physical fitness goes a long way toward a masculine appearance. Hit up the gym a few times a week, play sports, go running to improve your cardio, go for a hike, or just do whatever makes you happy and improves your physical condition. Being masculine means being in control — and your body is one of the things that you want to have control over.
- Pride in your body helps with that fundamental masculine trait: confidence. Keep in mind that almost everyone needs to work on their attitude to achieve this, not just the treadmill.
6
Get physical. That's right. If you want to be more masculine, then get some dirt on your body. Don't be afraid to fix your own car, mow the lawn, paint your house, or do any household chores or recreational activities that put some dirt or grease on your body. None of this makes you a ‘man’, but it might be what you're looking for if you enjoy the hands-on, practical use of your muscles that has formed the bulk of "men's work" for all of history.
7
Get some masculine hobbies. If you want to act more masculine, then you should take on some more masculine hobbies. It could be carpentry, motorcycle riding, taking care of your car or truck, hunting, fishing, or sports. This isn't a requirement, but it's one way to reinforce your own feelings of masculinity.

Community Q&A

Question

I'm transgender (born female), and my parents are against the LGBT community. How can I appear more masculine without them knowing I'm transgender?

Community Answer

You can make it look like you're just going through a tomboy phase. All you have to do is make this phase last for years. Cut your hair if you're allowed, and wear baggy clothing. They probably won't be worried, as long as they think you're a girl. The only bad thing is that you can't change your name or pronouns, but if you don't want them to know you're transgender, this is the only way.
Question

How is crying in front of people masculine?

Julia Child

Community Answer

It doesn't have to be. Crying is a natural human reaction, and doesn't have to be gendered. Obviously, don't cry all the time or whine and complain about everything, but crying whether you're in front of people or not just means you aren't an emotionless robot. If anything, cry and show your emotion so that you aren't seen as emotionless. Being emotionless isn't masculine, it just makes it a lot harder to reach out to people.
Question

How do I hide feelings from people?

Community Answer

Being masculine is about being in control. This doesn't mean becoming completely devoid of emotion. Show emotion when appropriate.

Warnings

Don't ever bind with ace bandages! They are specially designed to tighten when you move, which means that throughout the day they will slowly get tighter. People in the past have suffered warped rips and breathing problems/fluid in their lungs. Even if it is just for one day, please don't use ace bandages.

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Helpful 86 Not Helpful 3
If you use the neoprene binder, remember to put on an A-shirt under it! If you don't you'll get large blisters all up and down your sides, plus you'll smell really bad.

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Just because you're acting like this, doesn't mean that you have to forget your personal hygiene, but you don't have to spend hours in the bathroom every morning. Shower at least once a day. Though the boys or girls may smell bad after a game of football, try not to smell that bad. Wear deodorant and keep yourself clean.

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