How to Become a More Interesting Person

Co-authored by Amy Wong

Last Updated: September 21, 2022 References Approved

Do you ever get a sense that you could benefit from a little more passion in your day-to-day affairs? Maybe you'd like to feel more connected to the people around you. While you won't be the life of every party, you do have the potential to develop more passionate relationships with other people and activities. This can, in turn, make you a more interesting person. Discover what you're personally interested in and incorporate these interests into your daily life. Try the steps below to start on your own path to becoming a more interesting person.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Learning about Yourself

1
Write down a list of your skills and interests. Figure out what being interesting means to you. What's interesting won't be the same for everybody and for everybody. Knowing what you are interested in is essential to becoming more adept at interacting with others in a way that might be seen as more interesting. Hone your skills by learning about what you are good at. This is a much easier approach instead of trying to force yourself to learn more about something that you don't have any interest in.^{[1]
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Research source
Todd, S. (2013). Learning Desire: Perspectives on Pedagogy, Culture, and the Unsaid. Routledge.}
- Think about qualities and activities that are fascinating to you. What do you think is interesting, either about yourself or about other people?
- It is also much easier to converse about topics that you already have some interest in, as opposed to simply acting interested in others' lives simply to make them happy.
2
Think about what “interesting” might mean to other people. Determining what is “interesting” – and how you can attain this quality – will probably depend on your own unique skill set as well as the group of people you enjoy being around the most. If you consider yourself a pretty good musician, for example, and enjoy hanging around musically inclined people, then being interesting will likely involve a working knowledge of music and how to play an instrument. On the other hand, such elements might not be so important to being an interesting person if you are someone who's primarily interested in sports or cars.
- This doesn't mean that you should completely tailor your conversations for other people. If you're not interested in what you're saying, then you're not going to be as interesting. Strive to be genuine while being interesting.
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3
Embrace your uniqueness. Recognize that you are already an interesting person. You may become a more interesting person for other people when you highlight some of your unique qualities.
- This might sound paradoxical at first, but it really just means that striving to be yourself is the best way to appear most comfortable. This, in turn, will make others more comfortable around you.
- Remember that you are a whole and complete person with inherent self-worth. Everybody makes mistakes, but that doesn't make you less amazing!^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Amy Wong
  Leadership & Transformational Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Expanding Your Horizons

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Try out new activities to stretch your comfort zone. Experiment with new activities that might interest you. When you stretch your comfort zone, you get yourself out of a rut. You inject more excitement into your life. You meet new people. Be open to trying new activities so that you learn to be a little more fearless.^{[3]
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- Try volunteering at a nonprofit organization, or learning a new sport or hobby. Pick something that you have very little experience with and go for it!
2
Build your personality traits by trying out concrete activities. Your goal to become more interesting might involve becoming more courageous or being friendlier. But it's difficult to achieve these traits unless you have a specific plan in place. Try out concrete activities or skills, instead of focusing on building one of your personality traits.
- For example, instead of convincing yourself you need to be more courageous, you might try simply participating in an activity that produces some degree of fear when you think about it. Or, you could try rock climbing if you are afraid of heights, or visit a petting zoo if you are afraid of animals. By pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, you might eventually become more comfortable with participating in activities you or others might find interesting.
3
Meet new people. When you expand your network of acquaintances, you can become exposed to more interesting situations and activities. Ask people questions about themselves.^{[4]
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- Once you get someone talking, you may discover, for example, that this person has expert knowledge of beekeeping, an activity you've always wanted to try.
4
Travel as much as possible. Seeing more of the world can make you more attuned to subtle differences between people from different backgrounds or different ethnicities. Being sensitive to how these differences affect others and yourself can sometimes make people feel more comfortable around you.^{[5]
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- This will also give you a greater sense of what interests you can look like in different parts of the world.
- Make your next holiday an unusual one. Go to an exotic place and do things you would not normally do. This might include an activity such as backpacking, surfing, climbing a mountain or going on a jungle safari.
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Read more. Read books about fun topics such as how to make unique cocktails, exotic places to travel or how to become a great lover. These topics will give you lots of material for riveting conversations.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Interacting With Other People

1
Learn to engage with others about their interests. It's important to learn how to engage with others even when you're not interested in the topic that's being discussed. Conversation is like a back and forth negotiation with another person. The conversation can go in any direction. Remaining open to this process is important for becoming a more interesting person. Ask questions to show that you are interested in. This also opens up the conversation to give you more material, which helps you figure out more questions to ask.
- For example, if you find out that a person is an expert beekeeper, you could ask, "I've always wanted to get into beekeeping. How does a person get started doing that?" You're allowing the other person to share his expertise with others, something most people are thrilled to do.
- If you're talking with someone about her job, you might ask, "Did you always want to be a journalist?" Or you might ask, "Which journalist do you admire most?"^{[6]
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2
Hang out with people who you find interesting. Find people who have skills and interests that you admire. Prioritize the time you spend with them. Remember that who you spend time with greatly affects how your personality and interests develop.^{[7]
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Research source
Jetten, J., Haslam, C., & Haslam, A., S. (2012). The Social Cure: Identity, Health, and Well-Being. Psychology Press.} Spheres of social influence, from your local community to your country, can affect you in overt and subtle ways. Watching others who are interesting can be a great way to get you started in the right direction.
- Everybody has their own fears, memories, and desires, and everybody you meet can indirectly or directly help you learn something. Sometimes it just takes some digging to find what that can be.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Amy Wong
  Leadership & Transformational Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}
3
Smile and laugh as often as you can. Research has found that even if you aren't necessarily happy, to begin with, the mere act of smiling can release chemicals in your brain that make you more comfortable in your surroundings. As a result, your smile conveys this feeling to others.^{[9]
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Rossouw, Pieter (2013) The neuroscience of smiling and laughter. The Neuropsychotherapist, 1 1: DOI:10.12744/ijnpt.2013} Smiling and laughter has even been shown to relieve symptoms of minor depression and anxiety.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- If you want to be a more interesting person, therefore, but can't seem to get started on the right path, simply smiling more often and putting yourself in situations that make you laugh can be a great place to start.
4
Learn to shake off insults or disrespect from other people. Everyone has their own interests and manners of acting in the world. It will be impossible to make yourself seem interesting to everyone. Be happy with who you truly are. Accept that not everyone will find you interesting, or even necessarily like you. This can, in turn, make you more interesting to the people who actually respect your unique sense of self.
- Give this person the benefit of the doubt. Say to yourself, "This person is probably having a bad day." Then say something nice to the person. This might jar him enough to recognize that he's being rude.
- You could try exaggerating the insult, which also functions to make a mockery of the insult. If someone says, "I've seen lots of people learn to ski more quickly than you," you might say, "I've only just learned how to walk upright, so I guess I'm going at a good pace."^{[11]
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- If you want to become more emotionally resilient, you can try meditating. This can be a good way to build your ability to respond positively to things life throws your way.^{[12]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Amy Wong
  Leadership & Transformational Coach
  Expert Interview. 30 April 2020.}

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Being a Good Conversationalist

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Get a sense of what people want to hear about. While being interesting can mean talking about yourself, it also means that you show interest in other people. Ask about the person's children, or ask for details about his recent vacation. Make the other person comfortable in your presence by making yourself easy to talk to.^{[13]
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2
Ask questions. Don't let a conversation die out by failing to show adequate interest. Keep a conversation going by continuing to ask questions. This shows that you are listening and are invested in what the other person has to say.^{[14]
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- Ask open-ended questions in the conversation. These types of questions encourage the other person to talk at length, rather than give a yes-or-no answer to your question.
3
Learn how to be a good storyteller. A person is interesting often because he is interesting to listen to. No matter the subject, he can tell a good story. He relates funny details, engages the audience, and stays focused on the topic at hand.^{[15]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- A great story that you're telling to someone else has certain elements just like books or movies. A great story has compelling characters, relevant details, a conflict, a turning point, and even a surprising ending. Even if the story is short, think about how you can structure the story to be fascinating to the listener.
4
Become an active listener. Oftentimes, you can be an interesting person simply by allowing those around you to say what's on their mind without interrupting or imposing any sort of moral judgment. While this might sound easy, it can actually be a particularly difficult thing. This is especially true if you're used to saying exactly what's on your mind without pause for concern. Active listening means that you are following along actively with what another person is saying without forcing your own ideas and thought into the conversation.^{[16]
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- Active listening also means that you remain attentive to what's being conveyed without necessarily trying to think forward towards what you want to say next. Next time somebody is trying to tell you a story, try simply letting them speak for as long as they feel compelled to do so, all the while allowing yourself to be affected by what they are saying.
- Watch for changes in facial expression or tone of voice. Good listening requires paying attention to non-verbal features just as much as what's said.^{[17]
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- People typically like being around others who give them a chance to speak what's on their mind.
5
Use confident body language. Hold your body in a confident manner. Straighten your shoulders and hold your head high. You might even try being more expressive with your hands, instead of jamming them in your pockets.^{[18]
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Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- When you are talking with someone, convey your full attention with confident body language. This means that your body faces him or her, and you make eye contact. If you are in a room with a lot of distractions, try your best to focus on this other person.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I become less boring?

Amy Wong
Leadership & Transformational Coach
Amy Eliza Wong is a Leadership and Transformational Coach and the Founder of Always on Purpose, a private practice for individuals and executives looking for help in increasing personal well-being and success and in transforming work cultures, developing leaders, and improving retention. With over 20 years of experience, Amy coaches one-on-one and conducts workshops and keynotes for businesses, medical practices, non-profits, and universities. Based in the San Francisco Bay Area, Amy is a regular instructor at Stanford Continuing Studies, holds an MA in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia University, a certification in Transformational Life Coaching from Sofia University, and a certification in Conversational Intelligence from CreatingWE Institute.

Amy Wong

Leadership & Transformational Coach

Expert Answer

Remember that you're a totally unique person with fears, desires, memories, talents, and personality traits that nobody else shares. Don't be afraid to let those parts of you stand out.