How to Break Up Easily

Co-authored by Amy Chan

Last Updated: December 9, 2021 References

You may have heard that breaking up with someone is never easy. While it may be uncomfortable, if you’re unhappy in your relationship, sometimes breaking up is the best thing to do, and it doesn’t have to be super difficult to do it. To help you figure out how to best go about it, we’ve put together a list that you can use to break up with your partner as easily as you can.

1

Tell your partner as soon as you know it’s over.

Have the breakup conversation once you’re sure it’s what you want. It’s easy to put off breaking up with someone because—let’s be real—breaking up can feel terrible. You might really care about this person, even if you’ve realized you two aren’t a match. To respect their feelings, it’s better to end the relationship than to string them along when you know it’s not working.^{[1]
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- Remind yourself it’s better for both of you not to be in a relationship than to be in a relationship that’s not healthy or not making you happier.

2

Avoid breaking up over text—except in a few specific cases.

Breaking up over text usually isn't the way to go. Breaking up with someone in person really is the respectful thing to do. It gives the other person the chance to ask questions and get more closure, and it shows them you respect them enough to break the news face-to-face. However, there are a few circumstances where a break-up text might make sense:^{[2]
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- If you've only gone on a few dates and things aren't super serious yet. In that case, you might text them something like, “I've had a great time getting to know you more, but right now I'm not interested in pursuing this any further.”
- If your partner always convinces you not to break up with them when you try to do it in person. A break-up text might be the best way to end things if you know your partner is going to pressure you into staying in person.
- If you’re worried about your safety. It's completely fine to break up with someone over text and then cut off contact with them if you're concerned about them becoming verbally or physically abusive.

3

Choose a private location where you can talk.

Find a place where you can take your time to break up respectfully. Choose somewhere that’s open but also gives you privacy to talk such as a park or a quiet coffee shop. If you don’t live together, you could break up with them at their place so you can leave when it’s done.^{[3]
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- If you’re worried about your partner becoming verbally or physically abusive, you may want to break up with them in a public location and have a friend nearby. You could even do it over the phone. Your safety is the most important thing, so do what makes you feel comfortable.

4

Be honest and tell them how you feel.

It’ll hurt them more if you’re vague or don’t talk about your feelings. Explain why you’ve been unhappy or dissatisfied with your relationship. Talk about the problems that you’ve been struggling with and how your relationship makes you feel. If you’re unhappy, hurt, angry, or if you feel betrayed, say so. Give your partner context for why you want to break up so there isn’t any confusion.^{[4]
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- Try using “I” statements to keep your partner from feeling attacked. For instance, you could say something like, “I haven’t felt happy in a long time and I think I need to make some changes in my life.”

5

Tell them that you want to break up.

Take responsibility and admit that it’s what you want. When it comes time to do the deed, the best way is to be direct and clear. Tell your partner that breaking up is the best thing to do and you’re committed to the idea. Rip off the band-aid and get it over with. You’ll feel much better once you finally get it off of your chest.^{[5]
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- Breakups are always tough, but you can make it as easy as possible by being straightforward and clearly stating what you want to do.
- For example, you could try saying something like, “I want to break up and spend some time with myself.”

6

Answer any of their questions honestly.

Explain your reasons for breaking up so they understand. Your partner may simply accept what you say and not have any questions, but it’s common for people to want to know why you want to break up. They may also ask if there’s something they did wrong or if there’s anything they can do to change your mind. Don’t brush off their questions. Take your time and answer all of them as clearly as you can so they don’t get the wrong impression or have false hope that you can still be together.^{[6]
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- For instance, if they ask something like, “Are you sure this is what you want? What did I do wrong?” You can say something like, “Yes, I’ve thought long and hard about this and it’s what I want. I haven’t been happy in this relationship, and breaking up is the best thing to do.”

7

Discuss the logistics if you live together.

Come up with a plan of where you’ll stay and how to divide your belongings. Breaking up can be a little more tricky if you share a home as well as things like bank accounts together. Talk about who will go where following the breakup and come up with a way to organize and separate your belongings. You may also need to contact your bank to start the process of dividing your accounts.^{[7]
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- If you’re worried about your partner becoming abusive, you don’t have to tell them where you plan to stay. If you feel unsafe, leave as soon as you can.

8

Stick to your guns no matter how they respond.

Stand by your decision so you don’t give them false hope. Your partner may react with anger or sadness. They may beg you to change your mind and make all sorts of promises to change. Don’t give in. Trust that you’ve made the right decision and stand by it. Try not to be wishy-washy and give them false hope. Tell them that it’s over and you want to move on.^{[8]
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- If they beg or start crying, you can be empathetic but firm and say something like, “I know this may be painful, but I think it’s the right thing to do.”
- If your partner gets angry and aggressive, remove yourself from the situation after you’ve said what you needed to say.

9

Accept that breakups can be uncomfortable.

Just because it’s unpleasant doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do. No matter what you do, breakups are never fun. By knowing and accepting the reality that you may feel uncomfortable during and after the breakup, you can mentally prepare for it, which can make the process a little easier for you to handle.^{[9]
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10

Cut contact with your ex.

Give yourselves time to heal. Ending communication for a while helps to prevent confusion by signaling the relationship is really over. Even though you might want to support your ex or stay friends, giving them space is actually the healthiest way to let them move on.
- Set clear boundaries for communication: “I want us both to have time to get over this. I think it’s best if we don’t talk for a while.”
- If you share mutual friends, try to limit the amount of time you hang out with your ex in group settings.
- You don’t have to unfollow them, but you can consider muting their posts so you don’t see them or get notifications.

11

Use healthy distractions to help yourself move on.

Breaking up can leave you with a lot more time on your hands. Spend your new free time hanging out with friends and family. Pick up an old hobby or pastime you haven’t gotten to in a while. Do things that you enjoy and that make you happy.^{[10]
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- You could also try something new like taking yoga classes or going hiking. Find something you’ve always wanted to do and use your newfound time to do it!
- If you find yourself really struggling with your feelings after a breakup, consider talking to a therapist or a counselor about it. They’ll help you find ways to cope and move on.

Community Q&A

Question

My friend wants to break up with her boyfriend, but she doesn’t want to hurt him. They want different things in life and he doesn’t keep a conversation going, which annoys her. How should she do it?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

If that's how she really feels, she should be open and honest about it with him. Breaking up can be unpleasant, but if two people really aren't meant for each other, it doesn't have to be hard. She can meet up with him and tell her that she doesn't feel like their relationship is working and it's best for them to break up and move on. It may not be fun, but in the end, it's the right thing to do.
Question

How to break up with my girl friend?

Drew Hawkins1

Community Answer

Try to meet up in person if you can so you can talk to her face to face. Tell her why you're unhappy in the relationship and that you think breaking up is the best thing you can do. If she has any questions, don't blow them off. Answer them but be firm in your decision. When it's all said and done, you'll feel a lot better.

Warnings

If your partner makes you feel unsafe or like they may physically harm you, leave as soon as you can. Contact the police if they’re threatening you with violence. You don’t have to put up with it alone.

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