The Best Ways to Cancel a Date over Text (Without Being Rude)

Co-authored by Judith Gottesman, MSW and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: December 15, 2021 References

So, you made plans for a date, but now you can’t (or don’t want to) make it. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there! With the right tone and a personalized message, you can let your date know that you can’t make it without feeling like a jerk. Read through some of these examples to either reschedule your date or simply cancel it altogether.

1

“I’m really sorry, something came up. Can we reschedule?”

An apology goes a long way when canceling plans. If you don’t want to go into heavy detail about why you’re canceling, you can just tell your date that something came up. Then, ask them to reschedule so they know you’d still like to go out on that date. Usually, they won’t be too offended, and you two can reconnect on a different day.^{[1]
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- You could also try something like, “I just remembered I have a prior engagement. Would sometime next week work for you?”
- You don’t have to be too self-deprecating—saying things like “I’m the worst, I know,” can be a little off-putting, and might make the other person feel bad. Keep it short and sweet to move on quickly without making it a big deal.

2

“Sorry to text you last minute, but I can’t make it. Would tomorrow work?”

If you’re canceling the day of, apologize for the inconvenience. Your date might be (understandably) a little hurt or annoyed. Make sure they know that you still want to see them by rescheduling the date, and try to meet up with them as soon as possible.^{[2]
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- You might also say something like, “Really sorry for the late text, but I’m gonna have to reschedule. What’s your schedule like next week?”
- In general, try cancelling your plans as soon as you realize you can’t make it. That way, your date can adjust their schedule accordingly.

3

“I’m dealing with an emergency at work. Are you free anytime next week?”

Get specific about why, exactly, you’re cancelling. If something came up that you just can’t get out of, it’s a good enough excuse to cancel your plans. Plus, having a valid excuse means you won’t hurt their feelings.^{[3]
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- It’s not a great idea to tell a lie to cancel a date, but you can fib if you have to.
- Something like, “My kid got sick at school,” or, “My pet needs to go to the vet” are good excuses to use if you really want to reschedule.

4

“I’ve been a little under the weather. Could we reschedule?”

If you’re feeling sick, your date will be understanding. No one wants to catch someone else’s cold, so let your date know that you aren’t feeling the best. Then, reschedule for a couple days from now so you have a chance to rest and recover.^{[4]
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- You could even add something like, “I’m really sorry, I just don’t want to get you sick. This cold I have is brutal!”

5

“My car broke down, so I’m not going to be able to make it.”

If you don’t want to reschedule right away, use something like this. If you really aren’t sure when you’re going to be available next, just tell your date that something’s come up, and you can’t make it to your date. They might be a little bit bummed out, but hopefully, they’ll understand where you’re coming from.^{[5]
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- With a message like this, your date might offer to come pick you up instead. If you really don’t want to go on the date, you could say something like, “I have to take care of this today, so I’m not gonna be free to meet up at all. Sorry!”
- You might even follow up with something like, “Since my car is in the shop, I’m not sure when I’ll be able to reschedule. Can I text you next week when my car is fixed?”

6

“Sorry to cancel, but I’m dealing with some personal stuff.”

You don’t have to go into a ton of detail about why you’re canceling. Sometimes, things happen in our life that we have to deal with that aren’t super fun. If you have to take care of something in your personal life, just tell your date that you need to cancel. They might feel a little sad that you don’t want to go out with them, but they should hopefully be understanding.^{[6]
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- You could also say something like, “I’m dealing with some family problems that are stressing me out, so I’m probably not the most fun person to hang out with right now.”
- If you and your date are close, you could open up to them about what’s going on. But, if you don’t know them well, you can keep things vague.

7

“I’d love to see you again, but probably just as friends.”

Let your date down easy without hurting their feelings. Maybe you just aren’t feeling the spark with your date. If you said yes to going out with them but you realize that you only like them as a friend, just let them know.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} They’ll probably be happy to hear it sooner rather than later so that you can both move on. Plus, you might get a new friendship out of the whole thing!^{[8]
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- Your date might not want to see you again as a friend right away, which is okay. They probably need some time to lick their wounds in private.
- If your date tries to convince you to give them another chance, try saying something like, “That’s really sweet, but I just don’t see us working out long-term. I’d rather just be friends.”

8

“It was great meeting you, but I don’t think we’d work out. Take care!”

You can use this message to cancel a second date that you don’t want to go on. If you’ve already met your date before and you regret saying yes to another meetup, try this line. Simply tell them that you aren’t compatible, and don’t offer to reschedule at all.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} They’ll get the hint that you aren’t interested, and they’ll hopefully set their sights elsewhere.^{[10]
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- With messages like these, it’s important to always lead with a compliment. Things like, “I had a great time, but…” or, “Thanks for the offer!” can soften the blow a little bit.

9

“I’m sorry to cancel on you, but I’m just not ready to date anyone yet.”

You may have done some soul-searching and realized you were rushing things. If you were a little too eager to jump into dating someone, you can let your date know. Tell them that you aren’t ready for a relationship right now, but you wish them all the best.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} If you’re honest about your feelings, your date is much more likely to be understanding.^{[12]
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- You might even follow up with something like, “I just don’t want to waste your time.”

10

“I’m not sure we’re super compatible. I’m gonna have to cancel our date.”

Try this message if you’re getting weird vibes from your date. Maybe they sent you an odd text, or maybe you didn’t quite mesh with them when you two met up the first time. Whatever it is, you can just tell your date that you don’t think you two would work out.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Judith Gottesman, MSW
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} Hopefully, they’ll be glad that you told them instead of wasting their time with another date.^{[14]
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- Your date might try to convince you otherwise, but it’s important to listen to your gut. If they keep pressuring you to go out with them, feel free to block their number.

11

“Sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel.”

You don’t have to add any details if you don’t want to. Sometimes a short and sweet message is the way to go. If you don’t want to make up an excuse or get into heavy detail about why you’re canceling, just say that. Your date might ask you a few follow-up questions, which you can choose to answer (or not answer). But, if you’re getting creeped out by your date and you just don’t want to talk to them anymore, feel free to ignore them.
- If you want to give a reason, say something like, “I don’t think we’d work out,” or, “I’m not sure we’re looking for the same things.”