How to Control Your Thoughts

Co-authored by Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA

Last Updated: September 7, 2022 References Approved

“Thoughts can be our worst friends,” says Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard, “and our worst enemies.” Everyone has had a moment when their mind has a mind of its own, but taking control of your thoughts can make you happier, less stressed, and better equipped to solve problems or attain goals. Read on for some tips on taking ownership of your brain.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Taking Control of Your Thoughts

1
Stop and take a deep breathe. Pause an out-of-control train of thought by literally thinking, "STOP!". Take several deep breathes to collect yourself before moving on, which allows you to address your thoughts clearly and with a level head.^{[1]
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- By focusing your mind on your breathing for a moment, you give yourself some distance from your thoughts and make them easier to manage.
- Studies show that it takes 90 seconds for neurochemical triggers to fade from your brain and return you to a normal brain chemistry, so try counting to 90 to calm yourself down. ^{[2]
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2
Remain in the moment. Constantly ruminating on the past, which you have no power to change, or projecting into the future, which you cannot possibly predict, is a sure way to lose control of your thoughts. Focus on the here and now -- the very tangible situation you are in that you can control, and your thoughts will follow.^{[3]
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- Try a simple grounding technique like sitting in a chair and focusing on what your feet feel like as they touch the floor. This can help you connect with what you feel in the moment and tune out other concerns.
- Many spiritual practices recommend staying in the moment to promote inner peace and clarity.
- A simple question to ask yourself is: what can I do right now to change how I feel?
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3
Observe your thoughts without judgement. After pausing, return to your thoughts without critiquing yourself for having them. Consider why you are having such thoughts and what made you feel like you lost control of your brain. Taking an objective look at your thoughts will help you make sense of them without spawning negative emotions.
- Stick to objective, concrete facts. If you are in a fight, don't cast blame or guess why the other party is angry. Consider what events lead to the fight, what can be done to end it, and what specifically made you upset.
- Instead of "I'm really bad with women, it's my fault that I don't have a girlfriend," think "I haven't found love yet because I haven't met someone who is truly compatible with me."
- If you are having trouble, write your thoughts down and read them back to yourself.
4
Take action to address your thoughts. Sitting with your ideas without action leads to an endless cycle of thoughts. Make a plan to address your thoughts and worries, as uncertainty is often at the root of rogue thoughts.^{[4]
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Research source} If you can't stop thinking about work, for example, make a plan to separate your work life from your home life by taking time off, working less from home, or finding new work that you enjoy.
- Oftentimes we cannot control our thoughts because we are scared to act on them.
- Once you make these plans, you need follow through with them. ^{[5]
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- If your thoughts seem distorted or if you constantly feel out of control, you may need to seek self-help or professional therapy.
5
Put yourself in a comfortable environment. The outside world profoundly affects your inner world, so if you are in an environment where you feel uncomfortable or out of control then your thoughts will mirror those feelings. Put on music that relaxes you, light a candle, or go to your "favorite spot."^{[6]
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- Scents like lavender, chamomile, and incense are proven to relax you and may help you get your thoughts under control.^{[7]
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- Try taking a walk out in nature. Green space is known to calm the mind, especially if you live in an urban environment. Find a park, beach, or hiking trail and take some time to disconnect.^{[8]
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6
Temporarily divert your thoughts with another activity. Go for a run, watch a movie, or call a friend to take your mind off the thoughts at hand. Do something that you can do immediately and does not allow you to sit around longer with your rogue thoughts.
- If, for example, you are waiting in line or feel out of control in a traffic jam, distract yourself by trying to count down from 100 by 7s.
- Make a note of the activities that help you relax and work them into your weekly schedule.
- Remember, however, that this is a short-term solution. You should still work on ways to contain your thoughts when you cannot "escape" them.
7
Talk to someone to get your thoughts out in the open. Having a fresh perspective on your thoughts can often clear them away in minutes, and sharing your feelings keeps them from repeating in your head over and over again.^{[9]
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- Good people to share with include friends, parents, and professional therapists.
- If you are uncomfortable, start by saying "I have something to get of my chest," or "I've had something on my mind all day, would you mind listening for a moment?"

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Staying in Control of Your Thoughts

1
Do not try to choose your thoughts but control them as they come. The human brain is an incredible organ capable of making imaginative leaps, recalling memories, and finding insights at a moment's notice, and you will never control every thought. Try to watch your thoughts come and go without any attachment rather than repressing those you don't want to have.^{[10]
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Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA
Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist
Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.}
- Thinking about ignoring something, paradoxically, never works. Every time you think about not thinking about something, you are of course thinking about it!
2
Make your thoughts and mental health a priority. Take care of your brain by getting 7-8 hours of sleep a night, managing your stress levels, and maintaining a positive outlook on life.^{[11]
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- Eating healthy foods and exercising regularly promotes good mental health as well as physical.
3
Know what events trigger difficult thoughts. While you should not avoid all of your problems, be aware of the things that move your thoughts in a negative direction and prepare yourself when they arise. Structure your day so that you end on a positive trigger, like creative work, family time, or a good book, allowing you to spend downtime thinking about the things you love. ^{[12]
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- Take a few moments each day to pause and take stock of your life.
- Be aware of your thoughts during "trigger moments", again forgoing judgment or self-critique.
4
Meditate. Throughout the ages, meditation has been a vital tool helping people relax and take control of their thoughts. Find time to meditate daily, even if only for 5-10 minutes, especially the days when your thoughts are the most difficult to control.^{[13]
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- Meditation has even been shown to lead to a healthy heart and body.^{[14]
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5
Reframe your thoughts in a positive or non-intrusive light. Reframing your thoughts puts them in context of the world around you, allowing you to better understand them. Consider other perspectives regarding your situation, as well as others' behavior. Work to develop empathy, as this will help you avoid taking things too personally.^{[15]
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Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA
Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist
Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.}
- For example: When someone you love hasn't called in a while, it is likely because they are busy, or stressed, not sick or in danger.
6
Recognize that there are many things you cannot control. Don't obsess about things that you ultimately cannot control -- other people, the weather, the news -- and instead focus on yourself.^{[16]
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Research source} When you think about things outside of your control, remind yourself that the only person you can control is yourself, and work on that. This does not mean you shouldn't try to impact the world around you -- rather that you will always have the biggest impact on your own thoughts.^{[17]
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Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA
Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist
Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.}

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do I stop over-cleaning?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

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Schedule specific times of day to clean and set a timer. Leave the environment if possible or engage in another activity afterward. Consider getting professional help if you feel discomfort while not engaged in cleaning as this may be a symptom of OCD.
Question

I was told that I have uncontrol thoughts, and when my thoughts out of control I can't go into deep sleep. This has been a problem almost my whole adult life. I need help because I am 67 and I need to sleep. What can I do?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

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Consider making a routine for sleep at least 2 hours before bed as this will help calm the mind and make it easier to fall asleep. Shut off electronics and avoid exercise as well. Also, engage in mindfulness practices during this time.
Question

How can I better control my thoughts?

Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA
Adult Counselor
Julia Lyubchenko is an Adult Counselor and a Hypnotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Running a practice called Therapy Under Hypnosis, Julia has over eight years of counseling and therapy experience, specializing in resolving emotional and behavioral problems. She has a Certificate in Clinical Hypnosis from the Bosurgi Method School and is certified in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy. She earned an MA in Counseling Psychology and Marriage and Family Therapy from Alliant International University and an MSc in Developmental and Child Psychology from Moscow State University.

Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA

Adult Counselor

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Try to focus on problems that are within your control. For example: you can't control the rain, but you can control whether you take an umbrella and the right clothes with you. You can worry about the rain or you can make sure that you're prepared for the rain. Try to switch between allowing your mind to go to the negative, develop negative scenarios, or switch it to something more constructive where you can actually make a difference.

Warnings

If you are having trouble controlling serious depressive, violent, or suicidal thoughts, please call a hotline or professional immediately.

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Never use dangerous substances to control your thoughts.

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