How to Convince Someone to Give You Something

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: October 22, 2022

We all have times when we need something from someone else. Whether you want your best friend to give you one of their prized possessions or you need to convince an investor to part with large sums of money, it will help if you can be convincing. It's important to plan how you will ask and to appear confident and organized. You'll also want to strengthen your relationship with the person you want to ask. Once you have developed a trusting relationship, you'll have a better shot at getting what you want from them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Making a Smart Pitch

1
Wait for a good time. When you are working with other people, timing is important. If you catch them in a bad mood, they are likely to be dismissive and uncooperative. You want to catch them in a good mood when they are willing to hear you out.
- It also helps to catch someone when they are tired. They are less able to evaluate your request and more likely to agree with you.
- For example, if you want to talk to your boss about getting a promotion, choose your time carefully. Don't pounce on them as soon as they walk in the door on a Monday morning.
2
Give some background information. By telling someone about what you need and why you need it, you can help the person understand your request. This shows that you have thought about what you are asking, and that you care enough to inform them.^{[1]
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- For example, you might say to your sister, "I really spent too much money last weekend. I'm working on budgeting better. For now, would you be willing to lend me some gas money? I'd be happy to do some errands for you in return."
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3
Ask politely. If you are too demanding, it will cause hesitation. People don't want to feel like they are being pushed around. Show that you are polite and respectful by using words like please and thank you.^{[2]
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- For example, you might ask something like “May I please have your extra ticket to the concert tonight? I really love that band and it would be great to hang out with you.”
4
Be specific. If your request is vague, the person is less likely to fulfill it. A vague request makes it hard for them to figure out exactly what you want. Even if they want to please you, you have to tell them exactly what to give you.^{[3]
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- For example, you could ask your boss, "How soon will I be promoted to Assistant Vice President?" instead of "Do you think I'll ever get some kind of promotion?"
5
Have patience. There are two reasons to stay patient with a person. First, they may eventually give you what you want. Second, even if they don’t, you may want something else from them later.^{[4]
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- Maybe your neighbor turns down your request to build a fence on your shared property line. Instead of getting mad, give them some time to think it over.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Building a Good Relationship

1
Appear trustworthy. It is important that the other person think you are trustworthy. If they think otherwise, they could be reluctant to give you anything. Be forthcoming about your intentions, and try to earn their trust.^{[5]
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- Your mom might hesitate to loan you the car. Earn her trust by following rules, making good grades, and doing your chores.
2
Meet their needs. People are self serving more often than not. If they think you can meet their needs, they will be more likely to give you what you want. Help them move, teach them a new skill, or be there when they need a someone to talk to. The more you foster the relationship, the more likely they are to give you what you want.
- If you want to borrow your roommate's favorite sweater, offer to take her turn cleaning the bathroom.
3
Focus on their gains. The way you word things is sometimes more important than what you ask. Make the focus of your ask on what the other person is gaining. This will distract them from what they are giving up.
- For example, you could say, "You know, Dad, if you help me buy a car, I'll be able to do some errands for you on the weekend."
4
Get to know the person better. The closer you are to this person, the more likely it is that they will be willing to give you something. If you're not already close to this person, spend some time building your relationship. This will help you understand how to communicate with them and earn their trust.^{[6]
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- For example, if you want something from a co-worker, try to make a connection with them. If you notice they have a photo of a cat on their desk, strike up a conversation about your own cat.
5
Spend time together. Maybe you already know the person pretty well, but you aren't feeling very connected. Make an effort to spend some quality time with them. This can make the other person feel valued and cared for.
- Ask your friend to go out to lunch with you. Make sure to ask questions about their life.
- Really listen. Pay attention to what they say and ask follow-up questions to illustrate your interest.^{[7]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Presenting Yourself Confidently

1
Relax. If you are overly stressed, you will not appear confident. You have to present yourself in a calm and collected manner for another person to trust you and want to give you something. Take a few deep breaths and relax before talking to them.^{[8]
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- You can also give yourself a pep talk. Say to yourself, "I deserve to get a raise. I'm going to be confident and respectful when I make my request."
2
Be prepared. Take some time to get your thoughts in order. You can make notes, if necessary. For example, if you want to borrow several things from a friend, write them down so that you don't forget.
- Your notes can also include things about why you are making the request, and how it could benefit both of you.
3
Speak clearly. Avoid using filler words like “uhm” or “well.” those do not help at all. These words make your request less concise and make you appear less confident. You should say what you want in the clearest way possible.^{[9]
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- For example, instead of saying, “Well, uhm, I would really like it if you would give me, uh, that poster,” you should say “Can I have that poster?”

Community Q&A

Question

How can I convince someone to trade something with me that they don't want to trade?

Community Answer

Offer something that the person really, really wants. If the person wants the new item badly enough, he or she may be willing to part with their old item.
Question

How do I get my older mean sister to give me her laptop?

78Cullen DiVito

Community Answer

Ask her politely at first, and if she still won't budge, then try to do something for her, like do her chores, buy her something, or get her out of trouble.
Question

How do I ask someone to lend me something?

Community Answer

If you want to borrow something, show that you can be responsible enough for that matter. You can also offer a small tip in exchange. If you need to borrow something expensive, such as a car, you might want to leave something of equal value as collateral.