This article was co-authored by Natalie Feinblatt, PsyD. Dr. Natalie Feinblatt is a Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in Los Angeles, California. With over 15 years of experience, Dr. Feinblatt specializes in helping people with addiction, trauma, and other mental health struggles. She holds a BA in Psychology from The University of California, San Diego, and a Master’s degree and Doctor of Psychology (PsyD) from Pepperdine University. Dr. Feinblatt is licensed in the state of California.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 100% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status.
This article has been viewed 218,451 times.
Egomaniacs are the kind of people who always have to be right. They can't accept other people's opinions. All they do is talk about themselves. Their narcissistic tendencies can make them critical and quick to anger, and they tend to hog the spotlight. Egomaniacs can make you miserable, but with just a few psychological tricks, you will be better able to deal with the self-centered jerk at work, school, or even home.
Steps
Dealing with Egoistic People
-
1Talk to an egomaniac friend calmly about how you feel. Let the know that their behavior is hurting you and that you’d like to make some space in the relationship for your needs and feelings. You might say, “I care about you and our friendship, but I feel like we spend a lot of time talking about your feelings. I would like to share some of my experiences with you, but I’ll need you to listen.”[1] [2]
- There is a range of egotistical personalities, some more fixable than others, so pointing out a friend’s bad behavior might fix the problem. They might not realize how they're acting![3]
-
2Cut ties with your self-centered friend if (s)he dismisses your concerns or is a negative presence in your life. You are not required to maintain friendships that are detrimental to your happiness and well being. If the relationship seems truly toxic, cut ties and try not to feel guilty.[4]Advertisement
-
3Flip the script and focus on yourself when you find yourself married to an egomaniac. Narcissism in intimate relationships can be especially difficult. Egomaniacs lack empathy, so a romantic partner can feel unloved and lonely.
- Think about what needs you are fulfilling by partnering with an egoist. Often, it is a lack of self-worth or co-dependency.[5]
- Review your own childhood. A narcissistic parent might have trained you to deny your own needs in favor of someone else.
- Take control of the situation by respecting yourself and working on your own sense of self-esteem.[6]
- Do some activities that you are interested in, whether it's reading, gardening, or watching your favorite movie. Remember that you matter, too.
- When your partner begins another self-centered outburst, calmly say something like, "I understand that that you are really excited about your idea, but I've been listening to you talk for a while. I'd like you listen to some things that I have to share." Or, "It makes me feel like you don't care about me when you talk over me and ignore the things that I say. I need you to listen more."
- Set boundaries and tell your partner: "I really don't like it when you treat to me like that. If you keep doing that, I'm going to leave the room." Then, follow through if your partner's egotistical behavior continues.[7]
- Approach your partner as an equal, not a superior.[8]
- Couples counseling might be a good option.
-
4Get help if you find yourself in a controlling, manipulative, or physically abusive relationship. Some egoism amounts to selfishness or arrogance, which is annoying and obnoxious. But a small number of people are extreme in their narcissism and actually have a personality disorder (called narcissistic personality disorder, NPD).
- True narcissism can be part of an overall abusive personality. It’s important to recognize this for what it is and get help.
-
5Create a healthy sense of self within a narcissistic family. An egomaniac affects everyone around them, particularly within a household. Spouses suffer, and children grow up feeling inadequate, and often end up narcissistic themselves.
- Counseling might be appropriate when an egotistical parent is wreaking havoc on the self-worth of the rest of the family. While it may be difficult to get the offender onto the therapist’s couch, other family members can get help.
- Work to establish healthy boundaries for yourself and your children.[9]
- Don’t expect the egomaniac to change without professional help, so set realistic expectations.
- Offer sincere positive recognition when appropriate. Focus on the characteristics that you truly admire.[10]
-
6Recognize toxic friendships. If you’ve been friends for a long time, it might be hard to see that the egomaniac isn’t really an exciting, larger-than-life personality. (S)he is just obsessed with themself. Egomaniacs can often be the life of the party, so many people are, at least initially, drawn to them.
- If your friend isn’t interested in you, or never gives you a chance to talk, it might be time for a change.
Dealing with the Egoist At Work
-
1Change your perspective. You do not need to constantly engage with this person. The situation can be tricky when the egomaniac is your colleague, but by remaining calm and diplomatic, you can stay reasonable and active.
- When you feel an avalanche of self-praise coming on, subtly stop the conversation by avoiding eye contact, withdrawing verbal affirmation, and acting disinterested or bored.
-
2Maintain your sense of confidence. Remember, just because the egomaniac claims (s)he can walk on water, that doesn’t mean it’s true. You will have an easier time dealing with their self-apprasal if you remind yourself that you are capable and successful.
- If your boss is the egotist, (s)he will probably have a hard time giving you the support and encouragement you need, so look elsewhere for a mentor.
-
3Avoid feeding their ego with compliments and validation. The egomaniac is actually very insecure and craves affirmation and attention. Don’t be the person (s)he relies on for proof of their worth. Instead make a slight pitiful pat on the shoulder, let them know its okay, this should take them a step back and confirm your confidence.
-
4Check your own ego. When confronted with another person’s constant assertion of self-worth, your own insecurities or pride can get the best of you. Is this person really worth your time and energy?
- Don’t let them lure you into an argument or long-winded conversation about their latest deeds.[11]
-
5Manage your employee’s need for control. If you are the boss, and one of your employees is the egomaniac, offering your subordinate options might mitigate their need to assert herself or challenge you. Focus on the positive, and keep them focused on solutions.
- You might try killing them with kindness, so to speak. Strategic use of praise and compliments can be a great motivator for a narcissistic employee.[12]
Warnings
- In extreme cases, narcissism can be dangerous.⧼thumbs_response⧽
- Some signs might indicate a dangerous or abusive personality: an almost desperate need to protect or promote her ego; no regard for personal boundaries; lack of empathy; she justifies anything she does, no matter how hurtful.[13]⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ Natalie Feinblatt, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 30 July 2021.
- ↑ http://conniedieken.com/influence-blog/how-to-communicate-with-an-egomaniac1/
- ↑ Natalie Feinblatt, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 30 July 2021.
- ↑ Natalie Feinblatt, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 30 July 2021.
- ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/
- ↑ http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-caretaking-the-borderline-or-narcissist/201306/are-you-married-narcissist
- ↑ Natalie Feinblatt, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 30 July 2021.
- ↑ http://www.psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/
- ↑ Natalie Feinblatt, PsyD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 30 July 2021.
- ↑ http://www.psytalk.info/articles/narcissist.html
- ↑ http://www.marketingeye.org/psychology/how-to-manage-egomaniacs-in-your-office.html
- ↑ http://conniedieken.com/influence-blog/how-to-communicate-with-an-egomaniac1/
- ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/childhood-neglect/2014/12/when-the-narcissist-becomes-dangerous/
About This Article
Egomaniacs are the kind of people who always have to be right and only want to talk about themselves. While dealing with this kind of personality can be challenging, you can use a few psychological tricks to keep yourself sane. If you have to deal with an egomaniac at work, stay focused on your job by remaining calm and diplomatic when they take all the credit. This will help you maintain your own dignity and remain reasonable. You’ll also want to avoid feeding their ego with compliments and validation. Instead, remind yourself that you’re capable and successful and have no reason to feel threatened or upset. On the other hand, if you’re dealing with an egomaniac in your personal relationships, try to let them know that their behavior is hurting you, and you’d like to make more space in your relationship for your needs and feelings. If your friend dismisses your concerns and is truly a negative presence in your life, don't be afraid to cut ties with them. To learn how to focus on yourself if you’re married to an egomaniac, keep reading!
