How to Fill Out a Wedding RSVP

Last Updated: October 26, 2021

Planning a wedding can be extremely stressful! And the invitation is just one small piece of the complicated puzzle that leads up to the big day. RSVP cards are commonly included in wedding invitations so the couple can find out who exactly will be in attendance and make choices as to seating and dining arrangements. To be a good guest, it’s important that you provide all of the necessary information and return the RSVP as soon as possible.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Filling out the Card

1
Look at the outer envelope to determine exactly who all is invited. The names of those invited will be printed on the outer and inner envelopes (as the return address).^{[1]
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Research source} This is especially important if you have children because some couples prefer their wedding to be an adults-only affair. If that's the case, there will be a line that reads something along the lines of: "Please note that this event is for adults only."
- If you have children and they aren’t invited, don’t push the couple to let them come even if they’re well-behaved. Make other plans for your children that day and enjoy the festivities!
- If you don’t have a plus-one but would like to bring a new partner along, don’t pressure the couple to let you bring them. Some venues and caterers charge more per added guest (especially smaller venues with maximum occupancies), so respect the couple’s decision to keep the numbers down!
2
Write your name(s) on the “M” line. The “M” line is intended to kick off the title of the attendees (Mr., Mrs., Miss).^{[2]
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Research source} Be sure to write legibly and don’t use nicknames unless the nickname was used in the address on the outer envelope. For instance, if the invitation is addressed to “Miss Janette,” don’t write “Miss Jan” on the line even if that’s what you usually go by.^{[3]
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- If you’re married and have the same last names, write your partner’s first and last name after each of your titles. For example, “Mr. and Mrs. Seth Haverty.” If you and your spouse have different last names, include both of your full names. For example, “Mrs. June Allison and Mr. John Haverty.”^{[4]
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- If you’re single, write “Miss June Allison” or “Mr. John Haverty.”
- If you and your partner are unmarried, include both of your names and use “Miss” as the feminine title. For example, “Miss June Allison and Mr. John Haverty.”
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3
Indicate the number of attendees and absentees. Most cards will have two lines for you to fill in. The text next to each line will read “accept” or “decline” or something like “accepts with pleasure” or “declines with regret.”^{[5]
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Research source} If you are filling out the card for yourself and others, write the number of attendees and absentees on the provided lines.
- For example, if your family of 3 was invited but only you can go, write a “1” on the accept line and “2” on the decline line.
4
Select meal preferences if applicable. More formal weddings will include sit-down dinners with servers and specific seating arrangements for each guest. If this is the case, the RSVP card will include a few selections as to your meal preference (e.g., meat, fish, vegetarian, vegan). If there is more than one person going to the wedding, put each person’s initials next to their preference so the servers know which plate goes where.
- If you’re vegetarian or vegan and do not see vegetarian or vegan options, kindly contact the couple or venue (who can refer you to the caterer) to see if there are any options for you. Only contact the couple if you’re close, and don’t be pushy about it!
- If you know you won’t be able to eat anything at the wedding due to dietary restrictions or severe allergies, plan to eat beforehand or bring your own meal and snacks. It might seem awkward, but people will understand your not wanting to burden the wedding party, caterers, or venue. If you do end up bringing a meal, spoon it onto a plate instead of eating it out of tupperware to match the formality of the evening.
5
Write a note if the card has ample space. If the card has room or extra lines, feel free to write a few words of well wishes.^{[6]
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Research source} For instance, you might write: “I’m so excited for the two of you to begin your life journey together!” Keep it upbeat and match the tone of the invitation.
- If the tone is super-formal, you could write, “I regret that I will not be in attendance. I send my best wishes to you both!”
- If the tone is playful (like for themed weddings), feel free to write something that refers to the source material. For example, if the theme is Star Wars you could write something like, “Begun, loving souls of two uniting, has! Wishes of best, give I!”

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Following RSVP Etiquette

1
Reply as soon as possible. Replying as soon as you can is important so the couple and the wedding planner have time to plan for the exact number of guests. The card will likely have a “reply by” date, but don’t wait until a few days before or the day of!
- Don't think of the "reply by" date as a “postmarked by” date. The couple needs to have received your RSVP before or on that date, so be a good guest and send it early!^{[7]
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2
Follow the host’s preferred response method if there’s no card provided. Some couples will opt to take RSVPs through an online portal on their wedding website or request replies via email.^{[8]
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Research source} Read their instructions carefully and reply according to their stated preference. Responding in a non-preferred method will add unnecessary stress to planning their wedding.
- Remember to look for (and adhere to) the “reply by” date—the sooner the better!
- When sending an email RSVP, write in a formal tone and be clear about who can and cannot attend and their preferred entree preferences (if the instructions request specification).^{[9]
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  Research source} For example, your email could say: “Dear Marcus and Jessica, thank you for inviting us to take part in your special day. Leon and I will happily be in attendance for the rehearsal, ceremony, and reception. When it comes to meal preferences, Leon prefers the steak and I prefer the vegetarian option. Excited to celebrate your love! Best, Andra and Leon Mercer.”
- If you cannot attend, don’t make excuses or go into details.^{[10]
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  Research source} Keep it brief and cordial. For example, you might write: “Dear Marcus and Jessica, we’re honored to be invited to your wedding and rehearsal. Regrettably, Leon and I will not be able to attend either event. We wish you both the best on your special day! Warm regards, Andra and Leon Mercer.”
3
Avoid adding extra attendees. Don’t add extras onto the RSVP and only include the names and number of people who were specifically invited. If everyone in your family is invited, the invitation will be addressed to your entire family (e.g., “The Haverty Family”). If the invitation is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Haverty,” only you and your partner are formally invited and your children should not be in attendance.^{[11]
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- If you’re expecting a child sometime between the “reply by” date and the day of the wedding (and there is no line indicating that the event is adults only) contact the couple to ask if your newborn is welcome to attend.
4
Don’t swap plus-ones if your original plus-one cannot attend. If the invitation is addressed to you and a guest (e.g., “Miss Haverty and guest”), that means you can bring whoever you’d like as your date.^{[12]
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Research source} However, if it’s addressed to you and a specific other person and they can’t go, you can’t switch the extra seat to whomever. This is a wedding invitation, not a concert ticket!
- If you’re close to the couple, they might understand and allow you to bring another person in place of the original. Ask in a cordial manner and be understanding if they say no—just don’t assume and swap your guest without asking them first!
5
Make immediate contact to change your RSVP. If you can’t go after RSVPing “yes,” let the couple know as soon as possible. If you have to cancel on the day of the wedding, don’t bother the couple about it and contact the wedding planner, maid of honor, or best man instead.^{[13]
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Research source} Have a good reason for your cancellation (like a family emergency or serious illness) and apologize for your absence.
- The couple paid good money for each guest to be there, so if you RSVPed “yes,” try to keep your commitment and get there!
- If you have to flake out at the last minute, be sure to apologize and still send a wedding gift.

Expert Q&A
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Question

What should I do if guests don't respond to my wedding invitation?

Stefanie Chu-Leong
Owner & Senior Event Planner, Stellify Events
Stefanie Chu-Leong is the Owner and Senior Event Planner for Stellify Events, an event management business based in the San Francisco Bay Area and California Central Valley. Stefanie has over 15 years of event planning experience and specializes in large-scale events and special occasions. She has a BA in Marketing from San Francisco State University.

Stefanie Chu-Leong

Owner & Senior Event Planner, Stellify Events

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

This happens all the time, so don't take it personally. You're going to have to do a bit of work here and reach out to the guests who haven't responded. Just kindly remind them that you need to know if they're coming or not for the venue's sake so they can prepare for a specific number of guests. It's also possible they just didn't get your invitation!

Warnings

Don’t skip RSVPing if you can’t go to the wedding and feel bad about declining. They need to know regardless of how you feel about it!

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Don’t text, call, or use social media to let the couple know whether or not you’ll be in attendance (unless they prefer you to do so). Weddings require lots of planning and can be quite complicated, so make it easy on them and reply in their preferred method.

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