How to Forget

Co-authored by Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT

Last Updated: May 16, 2022

When we lose something that was important to us or made us very happy, there can be a strong desire to cling to the past. At the same time, you want to cut off all those memories and save yourself from the pain. It's a complex emotional situation but wikiHow can help you brave the waters. Just get started with Step 1 below.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Distracting Yourself

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Learn a new skill. Learning a new skill is a great, productive way to refocus your mind on something else. Think of something that you've always wanted to learn how to do. You probably ignored it because you were too busy before, right? Take advantage of your new-found freedom and do that thing you've always wanted to do.
2
Exercise! Exercise is another great distraction. Not only will taking this opportunity to get in shape give you something else to think about, but exercise also has another important benefit: it releases endorphins. Endorphins are the brain chemical that help make you happy. Your brain won't be able to resist feeling better!^{[1]
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3
Try volunteering. Volunteering is another great way to help you forget your problems. Not only will you make a positive impact in your community, but you'll build your confidence and your skills. Stable, long-term volunteering also looks great on resumes! You can volunteer at a shelter, soup kitchen, animal rescue, or for whatever cause you identify with most.
4
Play games. Gaming is a great way to not only distract yourself but multiple studies have shown that they can also teach your brain vital problem solving skills. It can also provide a safe environment in which to release feelings and express yourself, depending on what types of games you play.
- Games like Journey or Flower are almost meditative in their relaxed quality.
- Role playing games (or RPGs, as gamers call them) can allow you release pent-up feelings that you didn't even know you had.
- Violent games can be a healthy way to release anger so long as you play the right ones.
- Board games and other tabletop games, meanwhile, can be a great way to bring new people into your life and help you build new social relationships.
5
Write something. Writing can be a great way to express yourself in a healthy manner. Do whatever kind of writing appeals to you and makes you feel better and more fulfilled. You can help others by improving wikiHow articles. You can give yourself a great feeling of achievement by writing a book (try fanfiction if you're new to creative writing). If you want to work on your emotions and dealing with them in a healthy way, you can even try keeping a journal.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.}
6
Travel, if you can. Traveling is probably the best thing that you can do to help yourself feel better about the things that have happened to you. Especially if you take challenging trips, like going to a foreign country for an extended period of time, you'll find yourself proving to yourself that you're made out of tougher stuff than the sadness that you feel now. Traveling, if you do it right, challenges your skills and ability to survive and the things you gain from it are things that you really need right now.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Finding Affirmations

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Confront the issue. You don't want to just distract yourself and forget when you have a problem though. This isn't healthy and in the long run you'll have problems. Confront the problem in order to bring yourself real happiness and long-lasting mental strength.
2
Understand the problem. Start confronting the problem by analyzing it and coming to understand what happened. Did you lose an important relationship? Did you suffer an environmental change that you resent? Did someone do something that hurt you? Figure out what problem is at the root cause of your pain. Be real and honest with yourself about why exactly you're hurting, because you can't solve the problem if you can't acknowledge it.^{[3]
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- Be curious about what your feelings are trying to tell you.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.}
3
Relinquish guilt. Understand that the problem you had was out of your control. It doesn't matter what problem it was, believe us, it was out of your control. It's impossible to control every little thing that happens. Even if you made mistakes, you have to understand that everyone makes mistakes. Stop blaming yourself and feeling guilty about what happened.^{[5]
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Accept the reality. The past is the past: you can't change it. All you can do is work to make things better. Stop trying to get back to what you had and instead embrace the possibilities of tomorrow. By accepting that the world is the way that it is, you can start to feel happy again.^{[6]
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Remember your own worth. Never forget that despite the things that have happened to you, despite the mistakes you might have made, you are still a good person. You can make people happy and you can do great things. You matter. Don't let bad experiences take away from you the incredible things you are capable of.^{[7]
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Find your strength. Understand that by pulling yourself out of this sadness, you will be a better, new person on the other side. When we go through trials like this, they turn us into stronger people. People that are proven to be able to take more. You will find that if you can really overcome this problem, then you will be ready for almost anything life can throw at you in the future.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Moving On

1
Focus on yourself for awhile. When you're ready to be happy again, it's a good idea to spend a little time focusing on yourself. Spoil yourself, take care of yourself, and focus on making the changes that you want to make in your life. This will help give you time and opportunity to learn something about yourself and become a better person.
2
Find meaning in your experiences. You'll always feel bitter if you are left thinking that your suffering had no purpose or that those once happy memories are now spoiled because of how things turned out. Help yourself to future happiness by finding meaning in the things that happened. Look for a lesson to be learned or a knowledge gained. See that your bad experiences are there to make your life better and embrace them for that.
3
Try new things. A great first step to living your new life is to try something new. This will help you feel the tangible difference between who you were then and who you are now. It will help you see your new strength. Do something you've always wanted to do. Do something adventurous. You can travel, take a new job, or anything else that you feel gives you new experiences.
4
Meet new people. Eventually, you'll want to find yourself a new community. A new place to belong, a new group of friends, maybe even someone new to love if that is what you lost. These new people will also help you do new things and have new experiences to build happy memories of. You can meet new people by taking a class, joining a club, or even joining an online community.
5
Let yourself have fun and be happy. You might feel, even if you don't realize it, that if you enjoy yourself "too soon" or you find happiness "too soon", that it diminishes the worth of the thing you lost. But that isn't true. And it keeps you from being happy. Let yourself have a good time and don't feel bad about it. You do deserve to be happy.
6
Get help. If you find that you're having trouble getting back to business as usual on your own, and that maybe your sadness might be out of control or unusual: seek help! Don't think that getting professional help means you're weak or broken. Just the same as how you'd see a doctor and take medicine when you have the flu, you should get professional help when your brain doesn't quite act right.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Getting Specific Help

1
Get help forgetting a person. If you're trying to forget a friend, ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, lost family member or other person, there are specific things you can do to help. Forget negative emotions like revenge and embrace positive emotions like happy memories.
2
Get help forgetting an event. If you're trying to forget a bad memory like something embarrassing or traumatic that happened to you, the best way to go about it is to build new memories that are positive! There are other things you can do, however.
- Connect with the physical experience of that embarrassment.^{[8]
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  Expert Source
  
  Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.}
- If you're focusing on something embarrassing, it's likely your body trying to protect you from making that mistake again. Thank that part of yourself, then affirm to yourself you've learned from the mistake/embarrassment and move on.^{[9]
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  Expert Source
  
  Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.}
3
Work on repression and replacing memories. Repression and replacing memories are two techniques that you can use if you want but use them sparingly. Repression especially tends to come back to haunt us for years and years. It's better to get help if you feel the need to repress a memory.
4
Get more help with leaving the past behind. An important part of forgetting about the bad things that happen to us is to work on leaving the past behind. You can't change the things that have happened but you can move forward and help your sadness mean something. Don't give up...you can do it!

Expert Q&A

Question

How can I forget bad dreams?

Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Samantha Fox is a Marriage & Family Therapist in private practice in New York, New York. With over a decade of experience, Samantha specializes in relationship, sexuality, identity, and family conflicts. She also advises on life transitions for individuals, couples, and families. She holds both a Master’s degree and a Marriage and Family Therapy License. Samantha is trained in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Narrative Therapy.

Samantha Fox, MS, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

Dreams are the product of your mind processing or working through things that haven’t been given the time or space in your conscious/awake day to day life. It is rare that dreams are a direct reflection of what is to come, or what has already happened, so instead of taking a dream as literal, try being more curious about the feelings of the dream, and making more space in your conscious life to give that feeling some attention. This can be through journaling, through talking to loved ones, or therapy.

Warnings

Never use drugs or alcohol to "help" you forget. These only make problems worse, not better and you remove your chances of new happiness.

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