How to Get Out of a Punishment

Be respectful. Being respectful will help keep you from receiving punishments in the first place, but if you find yourself in hot water, stay calm and polite. The more you yell, the madder your parent is going to be. The madder your parent is, the more severe your punishment is likely to be.

• Never insult your parents. Calling them names will land you in more trouble than it's worth, and you'll regret doing it later. If you feel like flinging an insult, count to 10 before speaking, and take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down.

Apologize for your mistake. This tactic is the most obvious one for avoiding punishment, but it will not work repeatedly on a single rule you have broken, nor will it work if you are disingenuous about it. If you cannot apologize truthfully and sincerely, don't waste your time. Your parents will spot your insincerity, and it will probably work against you rather than in your favor.

• For instance, you could say something like, "I'm really sorry I stayed out past curfew. I know you worry when I'm not home on time, and I really will try to be home on time in the future."
• Pay attention to your tone and expression (body language). Don't smirk when you are apologizing, and don't mumble through the apology. Mumbling says you are just trying to get through it, and you aren't owning up to what you did. Speak in a clear voice that shows you really are sorry.

Ask for a cool down. If everybody is angry, including you, ask your parents if you can wait until everyone has calmed down to talk about your punishment. You may receive a lesser punishment or no punishment at all if you give your parents a chance to calm down and think about how severe your crime was.^[1]

Leave the past in the past. Dragging past punishments and mistakes--your parents, your siblings, or your own--into the present will only make people more upset, and it may even remind your parents that what you did this time was not your first time to make that mistake. Rather, stay on topic.^[2]

• For instance, saying "But Marcie didn't get in trouble when she stayed out too late!" will not endear you to your parents. You and your sister are different people, and your parents are doing what they think is best.

Show you're truly sorry by fixing what you can. If your broke something, try to replace it or fix it. If you made a bad grade, try to make it up. Not everything can be fixed, as sometimes the things you break will be people because you were mean to them. However, you can try to find a way to show your love by being extra nice to the person you hurt or by doing something nice like making her a card.

Offer alternatives to the punishment. Sometimes, this suggestion won't work. Punishment is not supposed to be pleasant. However, sometimes you may be able to offer an alternative to a punishment your parent decides on. Maybe instead of being grounded, you could be spanked or do some extra chores instead. You could offer to do something to help in your local area or community, like helping out at the library everyday after school. Your parent may be amenable to this suggestion because you are doing something for others and not just thinking about yourself. If you offer a punishment ahead of your parent deciding on one, you may be able to sway his or her decision.

• If you do offer an alternative punishment and your parent accepts, make sure you follow through with it. Otherwise, this option won't be available to you in the future because your parents won't trust you to do what you say.

Let your parents know that you want to work with them rather than against them. That is, don't argue against them. Let them know you are aware you made a mistake, and you want to cooperate with them to do better. See if you can work with them to put together a plan of how you can avoid the same mistake in the future. Asking them to make a plan with you will show them you are sincere about doing better.^[3]

• Try saying something to this effect: "I know I was late for school again. Do you think we can sit down and talk about how I can manage my time better? I always feel rushed in the mornings, and I can't seem to get myself together."

Use logic, not emotions, when trying to bargain for a lesser punishment. Yelling "It's not fair!" is not likely to help your case. However, offering up a reasonable explanation about why you deserve a lesser sentence than the one being offered is likely to be better received. If your parent can understand why you made the mistake you did, he or she might be willing to lessen the punishment. Your parent may even be willing to let you off the hook if you had a very good reason for why you did what you did. Even if you don't receive a lesser sentence, your parent will respect your maturity.^[4]

• For instance, if you stayed out past curfew, you could say, "I know it was wrong of me to stay out past curfew, but I ran out of gas on the way home. I know that I should plan ahead, and I'll try to not be in this situation again. Do you think maybe we can skip the punishment this time?"
• Approach the discussions with tact.

Use all your tools. That is, after everyone has cooled down, be extra affectionate towards your parents, offering hugs and kisses.