How to Get Over Being Used

Co-authored by Amy Chan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: July 24, 2022 References

Getting used is never a good feeling, whether it was by a friend, a family member, or a partner. Someone can use you by taking advantage of your kindness, your status, or even your money. To repair your emotions, allow yourself time to feel hurt, surround yourself with positive people, and remember that it wasn’t your fault that you got used. Although it may take some time, you can recover from the pain that you are feeling.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Recovering Initially

1
Allow yourself to feel hurt. There is no quick fix for feeling used, and you may experience a period of time where you feel sad, angry, and hurt. Don’t try to suppress those emotions just because they feel bad. Instead, let yourself work through your pain and embrace your emotions.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.}^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- You might not feel like going out or talking to friends during this time, and that’s okay.
- Let yourself cry if you need to. It might make you feel better, especially if you were used by a romantic partner or a close friend.
- It might help to write out your feelings in a journal.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 23 August 2021.}
2
Give yourself time to recover. If you’ve been used, you might want to jump right back into a relationship or friendship to make yourself feel better. Try to give yourself time to heal emotionally and don’t rush into anything new while you are still feeling down. Keep talking to your existing friends and save new relationships for when you feel better.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.}^{[5]
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- Everyone needs different amounts of time to heal, and there is no set timeline for how long you will need.
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3
Cut off the person who used you if you need to. If you have been used in a relationship or a friendship, you may not be able to recover from what the other person has done to you. If you don’t think that you can forgive the person, it will only bring you more pain to keep in contact with them. Don’t text, call, or talk to them if you can avoid it.^{[6]
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Research source}^{[7]
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Research source}^{[8]
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Expert Source

Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 23 August 2021.}
- If you go to school or work with this person, seeing them may be unavoidable. Keep your interactions short and civil.
4
Lean on your friends and family for support. Talk with your friends and family about how you are feeling. It can feel easier to push them away when you are hurt, but try to rely on them to help you feel better. Even if you don’t want to talk about your feelings, try to let them distract you from your pain for a little bit.^{[9]
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Research source}^{[10]
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Expert Source

Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 23 August 2021.}
- Some friends or family members can be too prying when they try to comfort you. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing about what happened, simply don’t talk about it.
- Approach your friends or family by saying, “I’m going through a rough time right now. Could we spend some time together this week to take my mind off of things?”^{[11]
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  Expert Source
  
  Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 23 August 2021.}
- You could also say, "I'm going through a really tough time right now. Could I vent to you for a bit?"^{[12]
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  Expert Source
  
  Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 23 August 2021.}
5
Avoid blaming yourself. You might feel like you allowed yourself to be used or that you are to blame for someone using you. This is not the case. Someone using you is entirely the other person’s fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself. Push down those negative thoughts until they are gone.^{[13]
X
Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- If you have been used a lot throughout your life, it can be even easier to think that you are to blame. Remember: someone taking advantage of you shows a flaw in their own character, not yours.
6
Recognize if you are romanticizing the person who used you. After you cut ties with someone, it is easy to think of only the positive traits in their personality and in your relationship with them. Try to focus on what was wrong and why removing them from your life is actually a good thing. Remember that they used you and that it hurt.^{[14]
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- You may be romanticizing someone if you only remember the good times that you two had and reject the bad or painful memories.
- Also, be sure to release the fantasy of "what could have been." These fantasies aren't usually rooted in reality.^{[15]
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  Expert Source
  
  Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 23 August 2021.}
Tip: If you need to remind yourself of this often, try writing down how being used made you feel and looking at it each time you start to romanticize this person.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Moving On

1
Invite positive people into your life. Stick with friends who have been there for you during your tough time and avoid those who bring you down. Keep positive people around you who won’t take advantage of your kindness in the future. Avoid bringing negative or toxic people into your life.^{[16]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- If you don’t look forward to hanging out with someone or you dread talking to them, they are probably not a great person to have in your life.
2
Share your story with people who can empathize. It is super freeing to share your own experiences with people who can relate. Find one of your friends or family members who has been used in the past and ask them if they’d be willing to listen to your story. Don’t push anyone to talk to you, and listen to them with an open mind if they do.^{[17]
X
Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- You can also look for support groups in your area to find people who have had similar experiences to yours. Their stories may make you feel less alone.
3
View yourself as a strong individual. You’ve endured being used and you made it out alive. Don’t see yourself as a victim. Instead, try to look at yourself as a resilient, level-headed person who conquered an emotional trauma. This will help you boost your self-esteem and positively affect most areas of your life.^{[18]
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- High self-esteem leads to better friendships, relationships, and a more positive outlook on life.
4
Practice self-care by making time for yourself to heal.^{[19]
X
Expert Source

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.} Set aside a little bit of time each week to do something that makes you feel good.^{[20]
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Research source} This can be taking a bubble bath, exercising, reading a new book, or even buying yourself a cup of coffee. Recognize that you are still healing and reward yourself for it. Setting aside time for yourself gives you the chance to check in with your emotions.^{[21]
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- Self-care is different for everyone. Try out a few things until you figure out what works best for you.
5
Have a positive outlook without the fear of being used again. You cannot let fear dictate the decisions you make in life. If you’ve been used, you may not be as open in new relationships or friendships because of your fear of being used again. Try not to let your experiences hinder you in your life as you move on. Remember that not everyone in your life wants to use you and that most people have good intentions.^{[22]
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- Remember that it was not your fault that you were used.
6
Seek help from a mental health professional. If you are having a hard time getting over being used, talk to a therapist or a counselor to work through your emotional trauma. Seek out a professional in your area, or talk to your school or college to find out what resources are available to you.^{[23]
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Research source}^{[24]
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Expert Source

Ashlyne Mullen, PsyD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 23 August 2021.}
- Therapy is beneficial to everyone, not just people who have been used. You may find it helps you in other areas of your life as well.
Tip: Be as open and honest with your therapist as you can to get the best results.

Community Q&A

Question

How do you stop them from trying to be your friend again?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

Set clear boundaries for yourself. If you don't want to be someone's friend, tell them that you aren't comfortable hanging out with them anymore. If they press you for more information, remind them of the hurt that they caused you.
Question

How long does it take to get over someone that caused a heartbreak?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

There is no set timeline for how long it will take to get over a heartbreak. Give yourself a while - a couple of months at least - until you start looking for a new relationship. Even that might not be enough time if your relationship was a long one. Check in with yourself often to see how you are feeling and if you are ready to start looking for a new relationship.