How to Play a Player

Co-authored by Kate Dreyfus

Last Updated: March 23, 2023 Approved

Playing a player isn't easy. If the guy is a true player, then he's an expert at fooling people and breaking hearts and has been doing it for years. But if you're determined to play a player, whether it's to seek revenge on a player who broke your heart or just to have some fun with a smooth-talking Romeo, you can do it just by playing hard to get, making the player want you, and then cutting him loose when he least expects it. If you want to know how to play a player and have him eating out of your hand in no time at all, then just follow these steps.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Play Hard to Get

1
Let him see you having fun with your friends. Now that you've got his attention and have shown some minimal interest in him, you need to remind him that you have better things to do than to be with him. Let him see you having a good time with your friends by laughing it up with them, hitting up the dance floor with them, or just having a general good time without him.
- You can do this anywhere, not just out at a bar. If the player is in your school or someone from town, let him see you having fun with your friends no matter what you're doing, whether it's eating lunch or going shopping. Just make one thing clear: you do not need him.
2
Ignore him at first. If you want to play a player, you have to get his attention. Do you get his attention by fawning all over him, running your hands through this hair, and telling him how hot he is? Absolutely not. To play a player, you have to start off by completely ignoring him -- be an ice queen if you have to. If he walks into a room and tries to charm you and your friends, look away, stare into your drink, or barely say hi before you check your phone or disappear somewhere else.
- He'll notice you precisely because you didn't notice him. Players expect to be worshipped by everyone around, and he'll wonder why his magic didn't work on you.
- You don't have to be outright rude to him. Just look completely uninterested, like you have better things to do than to talk to him. But that doesn't mean you should insult him or call him names, either.
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3
Slowly acknowledge him. After a while, whether it's a few weeks later at the same party or a few hours later at the same bar, you can start to open up a bit. You should let him know you see him, but just enough to make him curious and to want to get to know you and win you over. You can do this by introducing yourself, repeating his name when he introduces himself, or by smiling at him from across the room.
- Don't let him make you laugh, ask you to dance, or lavish you with complements.
- If he insists on buying you a drink, you can let him, but don't let it be an excuse for him to spend the night trying to charm you. Take the drink, thank him, and walk away.
4
Let him see you having a good time with other guys. To reinforce the idea that you don't need the player in your life, let him see you hanging out with other guys. Whether you're hanging out with your guy friends or if another guy is showing interest in you, you should let him see that every guy wants some of your time and that you like all of the attention -- as long as it's not from him.
- Just by chatting or laughing with other guys, you'll be showing him that you don't need him.
- Don't look over at the player to make sure that he sees you having a great time. He shouldn't even consider that you're trying to get his attention by ignoring him.
5
Flirt a little bit. Once you've acknowledged the guy only to mostly ignore him with your friends and other guys in your life, it's time to reel him back in again. After you think you've driven him crazy enough, it's time to have a quick, flirtatious conversation where you let him fawn all over you and show him that you may be interested.
- Play it cool. Don't flatter him. Just let him know that you like talking to him.
- Keep things light and fun. That'll make him want to talk to you more.
- Tease him a little bit. Don't let him take himself too seriously or think he's all that.
6
Be immune to his charms. Let him see that while you like flirting with him, you're not going to fall for his usual people-killing tactics. You can make fun of him, call him Romeo, or refer to the pack of people behind him as his partners. This will only drive him crazy and make him want to prove how different he is.
- If you don't let him charm you or flatter you, he'll only become more persistent. That's exactly what he wants.
- When dealing with a player, it's always important to stay in touch with your reality. Move beyond the looks, charms, and compliments that typically go hand-in-hand with the player persona and focus on getting to know their character and core values.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
  Expert Interview. 22 November 2021.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Make Him Want You

1
Be mysterious. Now that you've played hard to get, it's time to continue to be elusive while making the player want you. The first thing you should do to make him really want you is to be mysterious. Don't open up too much or talk about your past, your hopes for the future, or your biggest fears. Instead, make him guess what's really on your mind and speak in hints and innuendos instead of being honest.
- If you have to leave, don't tell him where you're going. Let him guess.
- Make him figure out who you really are, from what you love to do to how many siblings you have. Let him do all of the work instead of doling out all of the information for him.
- Don't keep him up to date about your schedule. If you're busy over the weekend, you're busy over the weekend. You don't have to tell him it's because you're celebrating your Aunt Mary's 50th birthday.
2
Be fun. Part of the reason players play people is because they're tired of people who drag them down, fall in love, or want them to do serious relationship activities, such as going to the grocery store or letting you cook a meal for them. Well, if you want to make a player want you, you can't drag him down. You should be fun, spontaneous, and up for anything, whether it's a trip to the beach or a nice run through a rain shower.
- Always keep things light and fresh. Remember, you're trying to play this guy, not marry him.
- Talk about the fun things you'll do that day or that week -- stick to the present. This player won't be in your future.
- Laugh, don't cry. This is not the person who should see your insecurities or the things that upset you.
3
Make him jealous. Even though you're spending more time with the player, you shouldn't make him think that he has your heart. If you run into another guy you know, don't be shy about flirting with the other guy. And if you're going out with another guy, tell the player about it like it's no big deal. If he knows there are other guys in your life, he'll want you even more because he'll have the need to compete for you.
- If you really want to make him jealous, you can even pretend that you're meeting another person when you're not.
- If another guy calls you when you're with the player, don't be afraid to answer. Be fun and flirty as you talk to the guy who called you.
4
Don't be jealous. If you really want to drive the player crazy, then you should show no signs of caring if you see him with another person or if he gets a text from another person. Players thrive from having multiple people compete over them, or from the rush of trying to juggle a few people without any of them knowing. If you act like you couldn't care less if he sees another person, he'll only want to make you more jealous.
- To gain the power to play a player, you have to stand out to him. It's likely that every other girl in his life has been jealous. This is why you'll be different.
- If someone calls or texts him, don't say, "Who's that?" Look bored or uninterested as he talks into the phone.
- If you see another person he knows, be extra nice to them. Show him that you don't view them as competition.
5
Limit your communication. Players are used to people who text or call them all the time and don't give them any time to themselves. Well, that's where you'll diverge from the pack. You can call him or text him once in a while, but let him do the majority of the communicating. If he reaches out to you, don't respond right away like you have nothing better to do than to sit by the phone and wait for his call.
- Don't waste time stalking his social media. Go online to do your own thing.
- If you know he's out, leave him alone. Don't text him or call him or he'll think you're obsessing over him.
- If he knows you're out and he texts you, don't get back to him until the next day. Let him worry about what you were up to while he was away.
6
Maintain your independence. Maintaining your independence is a larger part of limiting your communication. You should have your own busy life, your own friends, and even some other guys to date while you're seeing the player. Don't make your schedule revolve around his; make him shift his plans around to see you.
- If he cancels on you, don't let him reschedule for the next day. Tell him you're "booked" for the next few days. Make him feel like he really missed out by flaking on you, and he won't do it again.
- When you're with him, talk about your other friends or the fun things you do that don't involve him. Let him see that you have a life outside of worshiping him.
- Don't be afraid to set boundaries and stick to them! Our boundaries support our health, self-care, growing trust, and feeling safe with a person.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Kate Dreyfus
  Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
  Expert Interview. 22 November 2021.}
7
Beat him at his own game (optional). If you really want to play a player, then you have to be a player. Make him think that you like him while juggling him with two or three other people you like. Flatter him and make him feel special while knowing that everything you say is meaningless. You should only do this if you really want to play the player or to get back at him for some reason. Although, keep in mind that changing your lifestyle this drastically can get quite exhausting.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Cut Him Loose

1
Have him eating out of your hand. Once you've tantalized the player enough and have remained mysterious, attractive, and independent, he should be eating out of your hand. He may even be obsessed with the idea that he has to win you over or that he'll be some kind of a failure if you're always immune to his charms.
- When he's eating out of your hand, you'll know it. He'll be calling you all the time, complimenting you, acting jealous whenever another guy or other plans come up, or he'll just want to spend all of his time with you.
- The look in his eyes will tell you all you need to know. If he was shifty-eyed or distracted in the beginning, but now he stares at you like you're a true wonder, then you've got him where you want him.
2
Know when it's time to say goodbye. Before you cut him loose, you should get him at the peak of his affection for you -- if you cut him loose too early, it won't mean as much to him, but if you cut him loose too late, he may have given up on you. You should say goodbye at the peak of his affections for you, or when you get even the slightest inkling that he's growing bored with you.
- You can also say goodbye just because you're getting tired of playing him. It's a tough job.
- If he starts getting really attached and even tells you he loves you -- and actually sounds like he means it -- then you should cut him loose immediately.
- If you wait too long to say goodbye, you may also begin to fall for him, so don't forget to protect your heart.
3
Cut him loose. Once you've decided it's time to say goodbye, you should cut off all contact with the player. You don't have to be honest about why -- you can tell him that you got sick of him, that you've got better things to do, or that you're just not into him. Don't make a big production of it or take him out to dinner to end things -- just take a few minutes to tell him how you feel at a time that's reasonably convenient for both of you.
- Or if you really want to hurt him or get him back, just let him catch you out with another guy. When he sees you, don't even look surprised or like you've been caught. That will hurt him even more and he'll get the picture.
4
Have no mercy. Once you've cut the player loose, your decision is final. There's no turning back -- you won't hang out with him again, return his calls, or even grab coffee with him because you feel sorry for him. Remind yourself why you played him in the first place. Either he really hurt you or another friend, or you just realized that he's the kind of guy who doesn't respect women. If he doesn't respect women, then why should you respect him?
- If you give in and do see him again, he'll quickly lose respect for you. If he's a true player, he'll only want you if you don't really want him all that much.
- Once you've played a player, you'll be better at recognizing them in the future. Watch out for these cagey guys and protect your heart as you move forward in your love life.
- Remain humble. Don't let this accomplishment get to your head; although it does add an extreme boost to your confidence (you might start to think that you can get any guy you want or feel that you're "playing" some guys when they only look at you as a friend)the tables can turn quick if you get caught up (with other dudes). They might know the game a little better than you do.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you outsmart a player?

Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer
Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.

Kate Dreyfus

Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer

Expert Answer

Be intentional and mindful about what you want to get out of your dating experience in the first place. If you're looking for an exclusive relationship, you can "outsmart" a player by not bothering to waste your time with them.

Warnings

The key to playing a player is to not get attached to him. Don't get emotionally attached to them or fall for him while you're playing him, because then he's in control and can hurt you.

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Helpful 8 Not Helpful 0
Don't spend too much time with him.

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Helpful 6 Not Helpful 0
If you're having sex with him, be safe. If he's playing you he's probably playing others as well and you don't want to risk an STD.

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Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0
Don't think the player cares about you, loves you etc. He may and likely do like and care about you on some level; but it's not a genuine affection. He cares about you because you are their source of entertainment. So separate your heart from you're interactions with this guy.

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Helpful 12 Not Helpful 5
This doesn't always work on different people; experiment and see which method works best for each person.

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Helpful 3 Not Helpful 0
Try not to spend time with him exclusively. Have someone else around so you show him that he doesn't get to monopolize your time.

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