This article was co-authored by Cher Gopman. Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
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There’s no way around it—breakups can be tough. Sometimes the happiness and excitement you felt at the beginning of the relationship can wear off and you may not feel the same emotional connection to her. Other times your partner can be unfaithful, or you have to move away and won’t be able to see her anymore. Whatever your reasons, sometimes breaking up is for the best, even if it may feel uncomfortable or awkward. To make it a little easier, we’ve answered some common questions about how you can break up with your girlfriend in a kind, respectful way.
Steps
How do you break up with a girl nicely?
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1Say it to her in person, if you can. Tell your girlfriend that you want to meet up with her so you can deliver the news face-to-face. If you live too far away to meet up easily, try to set up a video chat with her so she can see your face and hear your voice.[1]
- Breaking up through text or over social media isn’t super kind or respectful. Put yourself in her shoes and think about how it might make you feel. Be mindful of her feelings, too.
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2Be honest, tell her what’s not working, and say you want to break up. Start the conversation by telling her something that you like about her, then talk about what’s not working out in your relationship. Tell her clearly and directly that you want to break up with her. Afterward, tell her that you’re sorry if it hurts, but that it’s for the best.[2]
- For instance, you could start with something like, “I really like talking to you,” then you could mention a problem like, “But I’m not ready to commit to a serious relationship right now,” and then deliver the news with something like, “So I think it’s for the best if we break up.”
- It may feel uncomfortable, but she deserves to know the truth.
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3Take responsibility for your role in the relationship. Take the two-way street and own up to any of your actions or behaviors that may have contributed to your relationship falling apart. Be honest about what’s not working, but also acknowledge your role in those problems to convey respect and gratitude and so she doesn’t feel like it’s all her fault.[3]
- For instance, you could say something like, “I know I haven’t been spending much time with you, and that’s my fault.”
- Sometimes a relationship’s failure can be more her fault than yours. If she cheated on you, you can still show her respect when you break things off.
How do you break up with a girl who loves you?
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1Focus on the reasons why you want to break up with her. If you’re feeling like you want to break up with your girlfriend, there’s obviously something that’s making you unhappy. Think about what advice you’d give to a friend in your situation to help you come up with reasons why your needs aren’t being met and why you should break up with your girlfriend.[4]
- For instance, if you’d tell your friend something like, “She never makes any time for you and you feel like she’s holding you back from being happy.”
- Sometimes it can be hard to step outside of ourselves and identify a problem. This exercise can help you think about your situation from a different perspective.
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2Tell her you want to take some time apart. Ask her to meet up so you can talk about something important. Be honest about your feelings and say that you think a break can give you a better perspective on your relationship. Because she loves you, taking a break may hurt less than just being dumped.[5]
- For example, you could try saying something like, “I just don’t feel like we’re connecting anymore and I’d like to take a break to see how I really feel about us.”
- If you still really feel like you don’t want to be with her after you’ve had some time apart, you can simply stay broken up.
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3Be patient and allow her to feel upset. While it may feel hard for you to break up with her, keep in mind that it’s also hard for her. Allow her to get emotional and feel hurt. Don’t get angry or attack her on social media. In time, she’ll move on and it’s important that you give her space to do it.[6]
- Even if things ended on a bad note and you have some anger or resentment toward her, just let it go. The sooner you can move past it, the better.
How do you break up with a girl over text?
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1Choose a text breakup for new or toxic relationships. Text messaging should be used as a last resort. If you can, try to break up with her in person. However, while the vast majority of girls won’t act irrationally or aggressively, if you’re worried that your girlfriend might, breaking up over text is a safe way to avoid a scene or potential violence. Additionally, if you’ve only been on a few dates, breaking up over text isn’t a bad option.[8]
- A text message also removes some of the more intense emotions from a breakup. Seeing your face can make it harder for her to handle the news.
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2Start with something positive then tell her it’s not working out. Lead with something that you genuinely like about her. Then, tell her what’s not working in the relationship. Be honest and direct and tell her that you want to break up so there isn’t any confusion. She may not like it, but it’s better than leading her on or staying in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy.[9]
- You could try saying something like, “I like hanging out with you, but I don’t think we’re meant to be a couple. Can we still be friends?”
When should you break up with a girl?
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1Break up with her if you’ve grown apart or your feelings change. At the beginning of a relationship, you may feel overjoyed to see and talk to her. But if you feel like you no longer share interests, ideas, values, or feelings it may be time to break up. Additionally, if you just no longer feel romantic feelings for her, it could be a sign that you aren’t meant to be together.[10]
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2Find a good time to talk so you can tell her how you feel. Ask her when she has some free time so you can meet up. When you’re talking to her, tell her something you appreciated about your relationship, and then tell her that you want to break up. If she’s really upset, you can tell her that you’re sorry if you hurt her, but you think it’s the right thing to do.[11]
- Nobody likes getting broken up with, but it’s important that you’re honest with her about how you feel.
- Try saying something like, “I really like hanging out with you, but I don’t think we have the same connection. I think we should break up so we can both be happy.”
EXPERT TIPCher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.Dating Coach
Cher Gopman
Dating CoachAsk yourself, "Do they make me a better person? Do they make me happy? Do they make me better and stronger? Do they bring something amazing to the table for me?" If the answer to any of these questions is no, that might be a sign that it's time to break up. There's never a right time to break up. But the longer you're in a relationship that isn't right for you, the more you're missing out on the person that could be your perfect person.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can you tell it's time to breakup?
Cher GopmanCher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
Dating CoachOur time is so valuable, and if you don't see a future with the person you are with, then it might be worth considering breaking up. By being in a relationship with someone who's not the right one, you're taking the chance of missing out on the person that is right for you. Think about if the person you are with makes you a better person or makes you happy. If the answer is no, then that might be a sign that it's time to break up.
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QuestionWhat does it mean if a boy winks and kiss at you if you are a boy?
Drew Hawkins1Community AnswerIt could mean that he's interested in you. It could also mean that he's teasing or messing with you. The only real way to know is to try talking to him about it. If it makes you upset, tell him how you feel. If you're really unsure, ask him why he's doing it. -
QuestionI want to break with my gf because my feelings for her died out, but she loves me so much and I'm of hurting her, she's sacrifice a lot to be with me. What should I do? Should I still stick with her?Drew Hawkins1Community AnswerWhile she may be upset or feel heartbroken, she deserves to know the truth about how you feel. It would be much worse to lead her on and make her think that you love her and want to be with her. Even though she may have strong feelings for you, if you don't feel the same way, you need to tell her how you feel.
Warnings
- Don’t gaslight her by calling her things like “crazy.” Breaking up sucks. Allow her to feel upset about it without being disrespectful.⧼thumbs_response⧽
References
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/break-up.html
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/break-up.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-now/201908/breaking-better
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26430186/breaking-up-still-in-love/
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26430186/breaking-up-still-in-love/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-now/201908/breaking-better
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/break-up.html
- ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3
- ↑ https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/8005c989-3226-435b-b87c-da5ece40fad3
About This Article
To break up with a girl, choose a time when you can both talk in private, such as the end of the day at school or work so you both have some time alone to process your feelings afterwards. When you start the conversation, be blunt by saying something like, “I hate to do this because you meant so much to me, but I think we should break up,” since this is preferable to dragging it out. You should also briefly explain the main reason why you want to break up. However, avoid getting into a detailed discussion with her or starting an argument, which will only make it worse for both of you. For tips on how to find an appropriate place to break up with someone, keep reading!
