How to Get Something You Want

Co-authored by Sandra Possing

Last Updated: January 4, 2023 References

There are a variety of things in this world that we want. Some of them are things we can get or accomplish by ourselves. Sometimes we will need help from others, like parents or co-workers. Recognizing what you want, and learning how to ask for it, are the keys to accomplishing your goals.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Clarifying Your Goals

1
Understand your values. Make sure you know what is most important to you in order to live your life they way you want. Things you want need to be consistent with those values. If they aren't, you may not be able to accomplish them, or you may lose something important in the process.^{[1]
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- These conflicts aren't always apparent at first glance.
- For example, if your goal is to start a business, that will take up a lot of time. If you value a lot of family time, those two things might come into conflict.
2
Make your goals specific. Broad goals like "make more money" or "get healthier" are good starts, but you'll want more detail. Define success clearly, and with some clear measurable signs of progress. This can help you get a sense how you are doing, and the steps you will need to take to get there.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Sandra Possing
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.}
- For example, rather than a broad goal like "get healthier," pick a specific benchmark like "be able to run a 10K" or "lose 20 pounds."
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3
Write down what you want. Include your reasons for wanting it. This can make your desire seem more concrete, and give you a reminder of what you want. It can also help to clarify if this is something you really want, or if there is something more.^{[3]
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4
Tell yourself that you're worth it. Many people, especially women, don't ask for things because they feel they are inadequate or undeserving. Think about why you might feel this way. Examining and acknowledging your fears can clarify what you need to do to get what you want.^{[4]
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- Don't worry about other people's wants and concerns. Your life, boundaries, and desires are different from others, and that's okay.
5
Try something new. Sometimes, there are things out there that you didn't even know you wanted. Be open to new accomplishments, jobs, and experiences, anything that could potentially broaden your horizons and change your perspective on the world.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Sandra Possing
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.}^{[6]
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- Listen to other people's suggestions for new things to try. You may find a new hobby or life goal that you hadn't previously considered.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Taking Action

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Get past your doubts. Many people don't go for things they want because they doubt their abilities. Identify and question your doubts, and make sure they don't stand in your way.^{[7]
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2
Save money. Many things people want, including new purchases, skills, or even a new job, can cost money. Figure out the costs associated with what you are trying to do, and look at your expenses.^{[8]
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- If you are considering a big purchase, putting aside a little bit of money every month or paycheck can get you there.
- Take a look at things you're already spending money on. If there's anything you can cut out, go ahead and do that.
3
Create a plan. When you've decided what you want, figure out the steps you will need to take to see it through.
- Identify any potential roadblocks or trouble spots, and make sure your plan looks for ways to get around them.
- Create manageable milestones for getting what you want.
- For example, if you're trying to lose weight, set a goal to lose 5 pounds in 2 weeks to get yourself started.
- Set clear deadlines in your plan. A specific date or time frame to accomplish what you want can keep you motivated and focused.
- Follow your plan. Many people fail because they give up too soon.^{[9]
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4
Learn to accept failure. Sometimes you won't always get what you are looking for. Instead of seeing that as a reason to stop, think of it as an opportunity for something different, and possibly greater.^{[10]
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Sandra Possing
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.}^{[11]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Getting Help From Others

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Ask for help. People aren't mind readers, and unless you tell them you want something, they won't know to ask.^{[12]
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Research source} People generally want to be helpful, especially if it is a friend or family member.^{[13]
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- It's always better to ask in person instead of calling over the phone or sending an email. It's harder for them to turn you down to your face.
- Give specific details. When you ask for something, give details about what you want and when you want it. Have specific deadlines.
- A specific request shows the other person that you put a lot of time into considering what you want, and how they can help.
2
Be enthusiastic. This is something you want, something that excites you. Let the other person know it means something to you. Enthusiasm is contagious, and it will be harder for them to turn you down. If you are excited about the idea, they may become excited as well, and want to help.^{[14]
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Minimize their work. You don't want to dump an entire project on someone. That only decreases the chances they will be willing to help. Keep your requests simple and straightforward, and don't be afraid to emphasize how little they have to do.
- Alternatively, rather than asking for the other person's effort, ask for the information that will let you do the task yourself.
- If your goal is to improve at work, the other person's help might be telling you where you can learn more about certain programs.
4
Make a trade. If someone is doing something for you, promise something in return. It can be something simple like owing a favor, or paying them back if it involves money.
- For friends or peers at work, sometimes it can be as simple as offering to buy lunch or do them a favor.
- If you're a kid or teenager asking your parents for something, your promise can be doing chores around the house or getting better grades.^{[15]
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Prepare for resistance. Sometimes others will reject your request, or will need some convincing to accept. Consider what the other person's objections might be, and prepare some responses.^{[16]
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Research source} Their doubts might be similar to some that you had and worked through, so that is a good place to start.
- If you are turned down, don't be afraid to ask why. If the answer is vague or not specific enough, ask for more details.^{[17]
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- Avoid sulking or insulting the person. That kind of reaction will only make people less likely to help you in the future.
6
Say thank you. If someone gets you something, you should be thankful. Be sincere, and specifically reference what the other person did. In addition, expressing thanks is also a good way to get people to do things for you in the future.
- A formal thank you note can be appropriate, especially in a work setting. Just remember to keep it brief and sincere.