How to Get What You Want Without Being Annoying

Last Updated: January 2, 2021 References

Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted something but couldn't get it? Or maybe you were waiting on a response from someone and didn't want to come off as annoying? It's important to communicate with clarity and respect to avoid irritating others. While getting what you want may require a bit of persuasion, you'll be seen as less annoying when you establish boundaries and identify all options available.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Communicating What You Want

1
Be polite. Whether communicating in person, over the phone, via text, or through email, it's important to be courteous. If you are wanting or needing something from someone, it's particularly important to be respectful. You may be asking a favor of them, and they may not have to honor that favor.
- People are less likely to see you as annoying if you are genuinely polite, respectful, and friendly.
2
Be clear and concise. It may be difficult for someone to understand what you want if you are being indirect, unclear, or asking for too many things at once. Before you talk with someone in person, or via phone, text, or email, be clear about what you want and why.^{[1]
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- Consider writing a draft email and reviewing it carefully before sending. The same goes for texting or other written communication.
- Organize your thoughts into bullet points. Make a pro and con list of what you want and why before you discuss it with someone else.
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3
Be patient. This is key to avoid being annoying. You may feel impatient and want a response immediately, but this may not be feasible. It's important to learn that you can't expect instant gratification. Someone may have other things they need to do, or other options to consider. And this may be the same for you if the roles were reversed.
- Distract yourself with something else to keep your mind off of the thing you're wanting.
- Use positive thinking. Rather than getting irritated with someone's behavior or lack of response, think about the good things going on today.
4
Identify the best ways to communicate with someone. Don't assume that your way of communicating is the same for everyone. Some people only communicate with friends via text. Others prefer to call. And some co-workers only chat via email messages. Figure out the modes of communication that work best for that person.^{[2]
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- Rather than assuming that other people respond the same way you do, ask them what might be the best and worst ways to ask for something from them. Listen carefully to what they say, and follow that.
5
Notice signs that you are annoying the person. The other person may send you unconscious (or intentional) signs that you are annoying them. If you see that you are getting on their nerves, don't ask "Am I annoying you?" Just calmly back off with something like, "No problem, we can talk about this later."
- Some signs that might indicate you are annoying someone include: inattentiveness, trying to end the conversation quickly, giving vague responses, not making eye contact, giving lots of excuses, giving sharp responses.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Making Others Want to Give You What You Want

1
Show how what you want will benefit others, not just you. Sometimes you need to persuade someone to understand how what you want can be beneficial to other people too. Depending on what you want, think about ways you may be able to convince someone that this is worthwhile for other people.
- For example, if you're interested in getting a pet, and your parents (or significant other) aren't convinced it's a good idea, consider talking with them about how pets can be good emotional supports when feeling down, and pets may help the family to cope better with stress.
2
Make the situation a win-win for both people. If you want something, sometimes it's important to negotiate how to make that happen. Most people will help you get what you want if there is something you can do in return. Figure out if there is a way to make getting what you want seem appealing rather than annoying.^{[3]
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- Focus on the positives or benefits to getting the thing you're seeking.
- Demonstrate ways that this may also benefit the individual you're seeking it from.
- Find ways to compromise by asking what you can do to help them in return.
3
Do the person a favor so they will owe you one in return. Someone is less likely to see you as annoying if you've demonstrated in the past that you have been helpful rather than needy. Not only that, but if you do something for someone, they will likely feel they should do something nice for you in return, even if it is unrelated to what you did for them. By being giving and doing favors for others, you are helping to create a social balance between giving and taking.^{[4]
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- For example, if you loan your co-worker your car while hers is in the shop, she will be more likely to help you with your project deadline the next week.

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Having Boundaries to Avoid Being Annoying

1
Give time for a response. You are a busy person and so is everyone else. Make sure that you give someone time to respond. Depending on the context of what you need, be realistic about what is common etiquette if you are talking to your friend, your co-worker, your classmate, or your boss.
- Allow for 24 to 48 hours for phone calls to be returned.
- Allow for four to eight hours for texts to be returned, depending on the need. Allow more time if you usually don't text with this person.
- Allow for eight hours or more if you talked with someone in person, and want to follow up after discussing your request. You may get the most direct response if you are asking about something in person, but never expect an instant answer.
- If someone told you that they would have a response in a few days, don't ask them the next morning or a few hours from now. Follow their instructions and wait two to three days.
2
Respect their space and privacy. Respecting someone's time and personal space is key to avoid being annoying. If you are asking for something from a friend, your approach may be different than from a classmate, colleague, or co-worker. But no matter if you know them well or not, listen to how they approach the situation, and what you are asking for.
- If someone says that they need time or space, take a step back and give them that time or space. Come back later when they are ready to discuss what you want.
- If you are calling, texting, or emailing outside of school, or normal business hours, be aware that this person may not respond. This is “after hours,” so allow them some time and space. They have things to do, too.
3
Avoid asking repeatedly in a short period of time. If you are asking for something repeatedly over the course of a few hours or a few days, this may be a major source of irritation for the person on the receiving end.
- No one enjoys being badgered or nagged into a response.
- Persistence can be helpful to getting what you want, but it needs to be done with respect, politeness, and strategy.^{[5]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Finding and Coping with Alternative Outcomes

1
Accept their answer with grace. If the person does not agree to your request, thank them for their consideration and move on. Trying to rationalize with the person, begging, pleading, or insulting them are not appropriate responses, and will annoy or even anger the person, making it less likely they will help you in the future. Accept that the answer was "No," and move on to plan B.
2
Identify the options available. If you want something, figure out if there are other ways to go about getting what you want. Come up with a Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C. Think about if there are ways to get what you want without relying on someone who you're irritating.
- Before you seek out someone to get what you want, think about what you want, and the ways you can get it. Don't rush into relying on someone else to give you what you need.
3
Talk with friends or someone you trust for advice. Seek advice from someone you trust to help you find solutions. They may help to identify things you may be doing that are annoying. Avoid being defensive by listening to what they have say rather than immediately reacting.
- Avoid gossip or back-stabbing. Getting what you want should be done in an assertive way, rather than being passive-aggressive. Other people's behavior may annoy you, but it's important to be mature about how you handle yourself.^{[6]
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- Make sure that you talk with someone you trust or your friends in a private space.
4
Reduce your stress and anxiety. If you are waiting to hear back from someone or have to wait to get what you want, find ways to relieve your anxiety, nervousness, or stress. You may be annoying someone because you are having a hard time controlling your anxiety.^{[7]
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- Distract yourself with something positive that takes your mind off the issue. Watch a short video or TV episode. Play a short game.
- Get moving. Get out of where you're sitting, and walk around. Walk outside and take a stroll. Stretch your muscles. Go to the gym.
- Chat with someone about something else. Keep the conversation light and positive. Interact with a friend or someone you trust.
- Clean or do small chores. Create a to-do list for future work or upcoming events. Catch up on small tasks that need to be done.

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I stop being self-conscious about asking for things?

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.

Jennifer Butler, MSW

Love & Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

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If that's a point of anxiety for you, ask yourself why you're feeling this way. Is there some kind of underlying fear there, or is something from your past making you feel like you're doing something wrong? Once you identify the problem, you can kind of reframe your thinking.
Question

Why is it harder for women to ask for things?

Jennifer Butler, MSW
Love & Empowerment Coach
Jennifer Butler is a Love & Transformation Coach and the Owner of JennJoyCoaching, a life coaching business based in Miami, Florida, although Jennifer works with clients all over the world. Jennifer’s work centers around empowering women who are navigating any stage of the divorce or breakup process. She has over four years of life coaching experience. She is also the co-host of the Deep Chats Podcast along with Leah Morris and the host of season 2 “Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle” by Worthy. Her work has been featured in ESME, DivorceForce, and Divorced Girl Smiling. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from New York University. She is also a Certified Health Coach, a Communications & Life Mastery Specialist, and a Certified Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “the One” coach.

Jennifer Butler, MSW

Love & Empowerment Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

There's this pervasive idea that women are high maintenance, so we kind of internalize this and try to avoid that stereotype. A lot of women are actively taught not to ask for things as well. It's unfortunate, but you kind of have to fight through that nonsense and teach yourself that it's okay to ask for things.

Warnings

Avoid manipulation, blackmail, gossip, or blaming others to get what you want. Being annoying is one thing, but being deceptive or overly defensive is another.

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