How to Get a Girlfriend Via Facebook Chat

Last Updated: October 21, 2021 Approved

Have you found yourself falling for a girl you’ve been chatting with on Facebook? If you’ve been having some great conversations with a cute girl you like, then you may want to take it to the next level and ask her to be your girlfriend. All you have to do to make it happen is to be a great online conversationalist and show her how much she means to you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting a Conversation Started Online

1
Make sure she’s single. If you want to get a girlfriend through Facebook chat, then the first thing you can do is to make sure she’d be open to your advances. Of course, it may sound pretty obvious to say that you should click on her profile to see if she’s single, but it may not be as simple as that. You may have to do a bit more digging than that. For example, she may be dating someone who isn’t on Facebook and may not list her relationship status, she may be “married” to one of her female friends as a joke while dating someone, or she may be very clearly into someone else. How do you find that out? Here are a few tips:
- Scroll through her pictures. See a lot of photos of her with some other guy? Do people comment about how “cute” the photos are? If so, then she may be off the market.
- Check out her wall. Is there a guy whose wall she posts on a lot, or a guy she seems to be in conversation with a lot? If so, then this may be the guy she’s dating.
- See if she posts a lot of mysterious messages that allude to the fact that she’s dating someone. She may post love songs, have winking emoticons, or make comments about liking someone that seem a little bit confusing. This may be a sign that she likes someone or is dating someone but she doesn’t want to be open about it.
- Then again, if it seems like she’s not dating someone but that she may just have a crush on someone, then nothing’s stopping you from trying to swoop her up!
2
Make sure you have an interesting profile. Whether you know the girl or not, it’s important to have a profile that is interesting and up-to-date. If she gets in the habit of chatting with you a lot, or commenting on your Facebook posts, then chances are that she’ll be taking a peek at your profile. If that’s the case, then you should make sure you have fun, flattering photos, an interesting profile, and some comments that make her laugh. Here are some ways to make sure your profile makes you appealing to the girl you’re chatting with:
- Have a profile photo that isn’t too cocky and actually shows what you look like. Girls want guys who are real, not posers.
- Post some interesting links or clips on your timeline, but don’t post so often that it looks like you have no life.
- Look through the other photos of yourself and make sure there’s nothing that makes you look too immature or like a player.
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3
Don’t chat her the second she signs online. If you want to play it cool and get the girl to like you without coming on too strong, then give her at least 10-15 to be online before you ask her, “What’s up?” This will show that you haven’t been sitting around Facebook waiting for her to sign online, but that you just happened to be on and want to see how she’s doing. Of course, you may miss out if she signs off after two minutes, but you’ll look more chill if you do talk to her after she’s been online for a little while.
- If she’s online on her mobile phone (you’ll see the logo on the chat bar), then this may not be the best time to chat her. She may be busy and may not even realize that she’s signed into chat just because she has Facebook open on her phone.
4
Have a casual opener. When you do message her, you can start with something casual and light so you don’t make it seem like you’ve been stalking her profile. You can just say, “What’s up?” “How was your day?” or ask her about something simple like how her soccer game went or what she thought of the math test from the class you have together. You don’t have to make the most fascinating comment at first and should focus on getting the conversation going instead; in fact, if you try to be fascinating too soon, it’ll show.
- If you’ve never talked to her in person before, make sure she really knows who you are. A lot of people have Facebook friends and forget how they know the person in real life.
- Just say something like, “How’s it going?” or a question that requires more of a direct answer, like, “How was your soccer game?” to get the conversation going.
5
Bring up interesting topics. After you get the ball rolling, you can start talking about topics that will interest the girl and will keep her talking. It all really depends on what you’re interested in and what you think she’ll care about. You can talk about some gossip in your school (without being too mean), the class you have together, something crazy in the local news, or what you’re doing this summer.
- If she’s interested, then she’ll respond a lot, make funny comments, and will ask questions. If there’s a radio silence on her end, you may need to change the subject.
6
Begin to build a common bond. If you don’t know her well, you can try cruising her Facebook profile for some hints of what she’s into, from which bands she likes to whether or what her other hobbies are, whether she likes to run or hike. You don’t have to say that you’ve looked at her profile, but bring them up naturally in conversation. You can also connect over growing up in the same place, playing the same sport, having similar political views, or a number of other topics.
- Don’t stress too much if you think you have nothing in common. You can build a solid relationship just from sharing one or two of the same interests. You don’t have to have the exact same taste in music, books, and sports to start dating.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Keeping Her Hooked

1
Show that you’re interested in her. If you want the girl to keep talking to you, then you should let her know that you really do care about her. At first, just keep the conversation light and breezy, but subtly work in some compliments to keep the conversation moving forward. You can say something like, “It’s so easy to talk to you” or “You crack me up.” Let her know that you really appreciate her personality and that you look forward to your conversations.
- You can carefully even compliment her looks in one of the photos she posted. You can say, “That’s a cute dress” or “Your hair looks pretty like that.” Just don’t overdo it or you may creep her out.
2
Don’t come on too strong. It’s one thing to make interesting conversation online and to build your relationship with a girl over Facebook. However, it’s another to always be online waiting for her, to message her the second she gets on, and to send her a million messages while she barely responds. Make sure that you’re both messaging each other first about the same amount, that you’re not online 24/7, and that it seems like she’s as interested in the conversation as you are.
- You don’t want her to feel like you’ll be on Facebook every time she signs on. Leave her wondering whether or not you’ll be there.
3
Show that you have a life outside of Facebook. If you want the girl to be interested in you, then you have to show her that you have things going on besides uploading new photos to your Facebook account. You can talk about fun weekend plans you’re having, something you’re looking forward to that evening, or just mention some friends you’re going to see later. You shouldn’t lie to make your life seem cooler than it really is, but you should let her see that you’re more than just the guy who is always on Facebook.
- If you’re leaving to celebrate your Aunt Bertha’s 50th birthday, you don’t have to tell her that. Just say, “I have to go meet some people,” so you keep it vague enough for her to know that you have plans without knowing all the details.
4
Consider subtly referencing her profile or Facebook posts. Though this can be creepy at first, once you get to know her, you can talk about some of the things she posted online. If she posted a photo of her and her friends spending the weekend at Lake Tahoe, then you can ask her how the trip went. If she posts a news article that she cares about, you can talk to her about it — as long as it doesn’t lead to a fight. This can give you something to talk about and can keep your conversation going strong.
- You shouldn’t do this at the beginning of the conversation, but use it as a resource if you run out of other things to talk about.
5
Show that you’re really paying attention. If you really want to catch the girl’s eye, then you have to show her that you care about who she is as a person. If she mentions something, like an upcoming dance recital, bring it up the next time, asking how it went. If you saw her in school and noticed she was wearing a new dress or cut her hair, give her a compliment (without being creepy). Let her know that you actually pay attention to her and that you take note of her looks and of what she says.
- You can say something like, “So how did the math test go? Was it as bad as you thought?” Or, “Did you end up having fun at your uncle’s birthday party?” This will show her that you care about the details.
- If you need a refresher on what you talked about, then you can always scroll through your conversation.
6
Sign off while things are still interesting. Another thing you can do to keep her hooked is to end the conversation when it’s getting good. You don’t want to have a great convo for a while and then run out of things to say before you have to get going. Find a time when the conversation is really interesting and then begin to wrap it up before you sign off, so you leave her wanting more.
- Of course, you should still be nice and tell her you have to get going instead of signing off abruptly.
- This advice is true for talking to the girl in person, too. You should part ways while the conversation is going great, instead of when things are lagging, in order to leave a good impression.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making Her Your Girlfriend

1
Consider asking her out online. One thing you can do is to ask the girl out, or even ask her to be your girlfriend, over Facebook. Though some girls may wish you had done this in-person, if you have a really strong bond online and think that she would respond well, then you can consider asking her out right over the Internet. Many people would warn you against this, but if you think this is right for you and your girl, then you can try simply finding a moment when the timing is right, and then asking her if she’d like to be your girlfriend.
- Asking her out online can help take some of the pressure off both of you. You don’t have to worry so much about saying the perfect thing because you’ll be typing, and she won’t have to worry so much about giving the perfect answer for the same reason.
2
Spend some time with her in person first. Though you may have really fallen in love over the Internet, it can help you to get a better sense of who the girl is, and whether or not you’re really compatible, by spending some time with her in person. If you’re in the same school or live nearby, then start by initiating casual group hangouts with her, and then see if you can hang out solo, even if you’re just grabbing lunch, taking a walk, or seeing a movie. This can give you a better sense of whether or not you two would be a great match.
- Just be casual about it. Say something like, “I’m hanging out at the mall with a few of my buddies this weekend. Do you want to come join us with a few friends?” Or, “Are you checking out the carnival tonight? I’ll be there with a few people.”
3
Make sure the feeling is mutual. Whether you’re hanging out solo in person, or just chatting online, before you pop the question, you should get a sense of whether or not the girl likes you as more than a friend. Though you may get along great, she may think of you as more of a buddy, or she may just have her eye on someone else. When you’re with her or talking to her, see if she’s really excited to you, if she flirts a bit, and if she asks you questions about your life. Think about it more to see if she has a crush on you.
- Of course, you’re not a mind reader, and it can be tricky to know whether or not she really likes you if you’re only talking online. It can be hard to pick up on things like her tone and personality if you don’t get a lot of face time.
4
Find the right time to ask her. If you’ve decided to ask her to be your girlfriend, then you have to find the right moment to ask her, whether you’re asking online or in person. If you’re asking online, then you should find a moment in the conversation where you’re complimenting each other, having a great chat, or talking about hanging out soon. If you’re in person, make sure you’re alone, that she’s in a good mood, and that you’re really connecting before you ask.
- Once the timing and moment is right, just tell her that you really like her and that you’d love it if she was your girlfriend. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate speech and she’ll really appreciate the directness. Just say, “I’ve really liked getting to know you. You’re so smart and funny and so easy to talk to. I would love it if you would be my girlfriend.”
5
React appropriately. Whether she says yes or no, it’s important to react in a way that makes you look like a mature gentleman. If she says she’d like to be your girlfriend, then you should do a little dance, let her see how happy you are, and show her some affection. If she turns you down, then act like it’s no big deal. Tell her you hope you can still be friends and that you appreciate her honesty.
- If your relationship does blossom into a full-fledged boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, then you can focus on spending more time together in person, and less time flirting with her on the Internet.

Expert Q&A

Question

How to get a girlfriend through chatting?

Michelle Jacoby
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Michelle Jacoby is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder and CEO of DC Matchmaking, a privately owned, boutique matchmaking company based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Virginia. She is also the Co-Founder of The Matchmakers Alliance, an international industry organization for matchmakers. With over 12 years of experience, Michelle specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships. She has been featured in several media publications such as The Washington Post, Self, and NPR. Michelle holds a BA in Psychology from George Washington University. She is also a Certified Matchmaker from The Matchmakers Institute as well as a Certified Body Language Expert from The Body Language Institute.

Michelle Jacoby

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

I think the most important thing is to work on your tone, since a lot can be lost in translation when chatting through text. So, make sure to include big words like "awesome", use lots of exclamation points and use smiley faces. Positive comments, enthusiasm and warmth are important to every conversation. This way, you'll make your intentions clear and will get her to open up to you.
Question

How can I find a teen girl that is my age to be my girlfriend?

Community Answer

First, make sure you have a nice profile that has a good picture and some positive information about you. The best resource would be friends of friends, so check out your friends' friend lists and see if there is anyone you like. Then send them a friend request along with a private message letting them know that you have friend in common and you'd like to get to know them better.
Question

How do I ask a girl who is a total stranger out on Facebook without coming off as a creeper?

Community Answer

Well, asking out someone you don't know on the basis of her internet photos is by definition kind of creepy. You can try having a few solid conversations with her before asking if she'd like to meet for coffee.