How to Give the Perfect Kiss

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

There's no set formula for the perfect kiss. That being said, there are a few tips and techniques to keep in mind when you want to try treating your kissing partner to something amazing.

This article is based on an interview with our personal development and dating coach, Eddy Baller. Check out the full interview here.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Before You Pucker Up

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Groom yourself. Before you do anything else, you need to create an appearance and ambiance that will make your partner want to kiss you. You don't need to go to great lengths to make yourself desirable, though. More often than not, a little basic grooming will do the trick.
- For guys, give yourself a good, close shave beforehand. Stubble often feels rough and uncomfortable to women and could take away from the pleasure of the kiss.^{[1]
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  Research source} A dab of cologne can also be a good idea, but don't bathe yourself in it.
- For women, applying an appealing scent can also be a powerful tool. Focus mostly on lotions since these make your skin look smoother while providing a more subtle hint of fragrance. Add a hint of body spray or perfume on top of that.^{[2]
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2
Prep your lips. Moist, soft lips are far more kissable than dry, cracked lips. A little basic lip care can go a long way, so if your lips are prone to drying out, start applying the lip balm before you meet up with your intended kissing partner.
- Lip balm can be used by men and women alike. Men with an aversion to lip care products should at least consider using an unscented, matte balm to maintain a certain degree of moisture.
- Women can wear glosses, lip stains, and lipsticks, as well, but there are a few things to keep in mind. Avoid sticky glosses or lip products that contain glitter. Something will a little sheen can make your lips seem more kissable, but you don't want your lips to look unnaturally wet, either.^{[3]
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- If you don't have time to moisten your lips before the kiss, quickly run your tongue over your lips to add a little more moisture.
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3
Freshen your breath. No matter how far the kiss goes, your partner will inevitably end up smelling your breath. Bad breath can make an otherwise good kiss turn sour, so keep your mouth clean and your breath fresh before you lean in.
- Brush your teeth and your tongue shortly before the kiss, if possible. A quick swish of mouthwash could also help in a pinch.
- Avoid eating foods with strong odors before the kiss: garlic, curry, and so on.
- Suck on a mint before the kiss when all else fails. Even better, cleanse the palette by sipping on green tea before the kiss. Some studies suggest that an odor-free kiss leaves a stronger impression than a minty one, and green tea can help freshen breath without imparting its own odor or taste.^{[4]
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4
Minimize distractions. Move to a relatively secluded area so that the two of you can lose yourselves in the kiss without embarrassment or the threat of outside distraction.
- Aside from privacy, location can also influence the mood between you. There's a reason that candlelight dinners, rain storms, and starlit camping trips can be so romantic.
- Location isn't the only distraction you might deal with, of course. Cell phones are one of the most common sources of distractions nowadays, so turn yours off before you try setting the mood.^{[5]
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5
Read the mood. Know if and when your partner is ready to kiss. There's nothing wrong with a little spontaneity now and then, but no one will enjoy a forced kiss. If you want to give the perfect kiss, you need to verify that your partner is welcome to receiving it.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- Look for signs that indicate your partner's eagerness to be kissed: a gaze that frequently drops to your mouth, a tendency to lick his or her own lips, seemingly casual touches, and a dip in his or her tone of voice.
- Also watch out for signs that your partner isn't interested being kissed: eyes that dart in every direction but yours, pursed lips, tense or "closed off" body language, and a lack of interest in personal topics of conversation.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Locking Lips

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Move in close. Close the gap between you and your partner. The two of you should already be touching in some way before you move in for a kiss.
- A kiss that follows an embrace can be powerful if performed while your upper halves are still touching. Even if you don't kiss following a hug, your body language should be prepped as though an embrace would be both natural and welcome.
2
Build the tension. This is when you should be gazing with longing admiration into your partner's eyes. The perfect kiss needs to convey both desire and esteem, and the simplest way for you to get it right is to set the stage before you start the play.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- An effective way to build desire is to plant small, soft kisses on the face, just outside of the mouth. Gentle caresses along your partner's face have a similarly strong impact. You could even brush your fingertips along your partner's lips.
- Eye contact is of vital importance during this step. Gazing into your partner's eyes will make him or her feel more bonded to you, which will give the kiss a greater sense of intimacy when it finally does happen.
3
Test the waters. Move in slowly, bringing your lips to your partner's for a quick, light kiss. Your partner's reaction will tell you everything you need to know—most notably, whether or not you should continue.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
4
Keep going. If your partner enjoyed your test run, then start in with the real deal. Tilt your head to the right and plant another closed mouth kiss directly on your partner's lips, applying a little more pressure than before.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- Research suggests that tilting your head to the right makes a kiss seem more caring and more meaningful. It's not a strictly vital move, but it can make a difference in your partner's interpretation of the kiss.
5
Take your time. With each kiss, linger for a moment before pulling your lips away. Hesitating before you move away suggests that you don't want the kiss to end. This demonstration of desire is more likely to grow your partner's desire, as well, leading to a more satisfying kissing experience.
- Taking your time lets your partner know that you value the moment just as much as you value the sense of physical pleasure derived from the kiss. This sort of emotional intimacy is what strengthens the intensity of the kiss.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Deepening the Kiss

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Keep reading the mood. You might be losing yourself in the kiss, but that doesn't necessarily mean that your partner feels the same way. If your partner is sending signals that he or she wants the moment to end, let it end. There's no sense in forcing something that is no longer wanted.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.}
- The simplest thing to remember is this: if your partner moves into your kiss, you're in good shape. If your partner tries to back away from your kiss, he or she is trying to put an end to it.
2
Vary your speed. While you're still in the closed mouth kissing stage, start heating things up by alternating slow kisses with quick kisses, and light kisses with aggressive kisses. Doing so introduces a slight element of surprise to the experience, which can make the experience more exciting for both of you.
3
Open your lips. After you've indulged in some heavy closed mouth kissing, try a few kisses with your lips parted. If your partner finds the kiss as enjoyable as you do, he or she will probably follow your lead and open up, as well.
- When you first move into an open mouth kiss, do so in the middle of a closed mouth kiss. Bring your closed lips to your partner's, then slowly part your lips while they're still locked with his or hers.
- For every open mouth kiss—including French kisses—you should keep your lips soft and slightly open. You need to create a seal between your mouth and your partner's mouth. Opening your mouth too wide can cause saliva to gather and drip in very unappealing ways. There are exceptions, of course, but this is a general rule of thumb worth following as you try to get to know your partner's kissing style.
4
Tease with your tongue. If things have been going well and you want to progress to a French kiss, give your partner a subtle indication of your intent. Lightly run the tip of your tongue over your partner's bottom lip.
- While there is no set time limit, this exploratory stage should usually last around 30 seconds. If your partner doesn't like the sensation of your tongue, then by that point, you'll likely know it.
5
Use a little more tongue. The key phrase, however, is “a little.” Use your tongue to explore and gently stroke the inside of your partner's mouth, but don't be too invasive about it. The idea is to touch sensitive nerves in the mouth to enhance the experience, but that purpose gets lost if you suffocate your partner with too much at once.
6
Try a little nibbling and sucking. Take your partner's lower lip in between your lips and gently suck on it for a few seconds before letting go. Similarly, you can also try a gentle nibble on your partner's lower lip for a few seconds.^{[11]
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- As with French kissing, less is more when it comes to nibbling and sucking. Be gentle about it. The idea is to cause a small enough amount of pain to release more endorphins or feel-good hormones, but you probably don't want to leave a mark when you're done.
7
Use your hands. Your lips aren't the only thing you need to move during a kiss. As the kiss deepens, you need to draw your partner in even closer than before. Your hands should do their own share of exploring—just remember not to cross any boundaries that your partner might not be ready to cross.
- Use your hands to caress your partner's neck, sides, or back. You could also run your fingers through your partner's hair.
- If you have trouble keeping your hands in motion, you should at least settle for a tight, secure embrace.^{[12]
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8
Move past the lips. Your partner's lips aren't the only place you can kiss once things get more passionate. The neck, in particular, is a good area to switch to once things heat up.
- Try zeroing in on the area between your partner's throat and chin. The skin is thinner there, which means that the nerves are closer together. As a result, the sensory receptors respond more favorably to a kiss planted in that area.
9
Let the kiss take control. Ultimately, there reaches a point where you need to trust your instincts more than anything else. Don't try to control kiss. The chemistry between you and your partner will do most of the work. You just need to interpret that chemistry and act accordingly.