How to Handle Teenager Rebellion

Last Updated: August 23, 2021

Rebelling is a part of becoming a teenager. Every teen does it but it's important to know how to handle it so it only lasts as long as any other stage.

Steps

1
Recognize rebelliousness. Teenage rebellion includes many actions and "warning signs" that let you know your child is being rebellious. You'll start to notice dropped grades, maybe trouble at school, shorter temper, and more lip. Your teen will likely begin by rebelling in a small way in order to push the limits of what they can and can't do.^{[1]
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2
Don't be too strict. It may seem appealing to be hard on rebellion all the time in order to discourage it but rebellion almost wants that. It's really difficult to rebel against someone who isn't strict. Minor power struggles are always best won but sometimes you have to just not play. Give your teen some space. Let them change their look and their personal space.^{[2]
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3
Don't give in. Once you tell them to do something, don't let them avoid it without a compelling reason. While you shouldn't be strict, once you make a decision you have to follow through on it. If they were supposed to take out the trash an hour ago, and it still isn't done for whatever reason, it is paramount that you make them do it. Don't give in to these minor power struggles, because they set the stage for all of the other ones.
4
Examine their side of the story. They might have reasoning for wanting to do/not do something that you haven't thought about. Be flexible if they have sound logic. Don't be afraid to change your mind, or ask for time to think about it.^{[3]
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5
Give your teen space. Lying and hiding things are small acts of rebellion that are gateways into larger ones. By not giving your teen reason to lie or hide things from you, you prevent them from even considering those things.
6
Set clear rules. Your teen should never be able to claim that they "didn't know" something was forbidden.^{[4]
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- However, avoid setting rules for things that they probably won't consider. As in the parable about the boy who stuck beans up his nose, you don't want to give your child ideas.
7
Decide what to do with your teen. Keeping them busy is a good way to prevent any rebellious desires from taking root. A job (volunteer or paid), sports, and other time-occupying activities are good methods. If your teen is unresponsive to your trying to intervene and nip things in the bud you'll just have to let them find themselves in hot water. Let your teen get themselves into some moderate trouble outside of home. Once the school has them for vandalism or the they call you from the sheriff's office being a rebel won't be much fun anymore.^{[5]
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Community Q&A

Question

My son is in my class in school. He doesn't pay attention to my teaching. He argues and doesn't listen to instructions. I scold him and he doesn't apologize.

Community Answer

Does he act the same way at home? If so, do you punish him or just let him get away with it? He may feel that because there are no consequences when he acts out that way at home, he can get away with it in school. The best thing to do would be to hold him accountable. If he argues or acts out at school, send him to the principal. If he does so at home, take away a privilege (TV, phone, etc.) or ground him. Tell him exactly what you expect from him and be consistent with punishments. If this doesn't work, maybe he needs to me moved to a different class at school.
Question

Our 14-year-old always finds new ways to hide that she has a phone. We have taken it away 3 times now and she always finds a way to get another one. What do we do? She does horrible things on it!

Community Answer

The first step is figuring out where she gets the phone. Does she get an allowance and use that money? Stop her allowance. Her friends? Limit interaction with those friends. Search her room and her bag every day if you have to. Remind her that this would not be happening if she hadn't deceived you in the first place. Next time you find a phone, ground her for a month. If she needs a phone to contact you, get her a flip phone with no internet capabilities.
Question

I have a teenage daughter. I read her diary by mistake, and apologized to her. It has been two months now, but she is very angry and misbehaves. What can I do?

Community Answer

Do something that shows your daughter you love her. Maybe take her roller skating or another activity she used to enjoy when she was acting like her old self.