How to Hold Back Tears

Co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: November 14, 2022 References

Even though crying is completely normal and natural, there may be times where you don’t want to have tears in your eyes. Luckily, there are a lot of tricks you can try to control your emotions and stop yourself from crying. This article will cover several quick and subtle ways to prevent tears, before moving onto some other strategies to help you calm down.

Here are 13 effective ways to hold back tears when you don’t want to cry.

1

Breathe deeply.

Take a few big, long breaths to regain your composure. When you get overwhelmed with emotion, you sometimes forget to breathe.^{[1]
X
Research source} When you feel like you’re about to cry, pay attention to your breathing rather than your emotions. Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Take 3–10 breaths until you feel like you’re less stressed out.^{[2]
X
Research source}
- You can also try 4-7-8 breathing. Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts, hold your breath for 7 counts, and slowly exhale for 8 counts.
- Keep your hand on your belly while you’re breathing. As you inhale, keep your chest still and let your belly push your hand out.

2

Pinch the webbing between your fingers.

Distract yourself from your other emotions with this quick trick. Grab the webbing between your thumb and index finger with 2 fingers. Pinch hard enough where you can feel the tension but not so much that it causes you pain. Since you’re distracted by and more focused on the new sensation, your tears are more likely to stop on their own.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- Alternatively, you can try pinching the bridge of your nose, but this is less discrete.

3

Drink cold water.

Water cools you down when you feel emotions take over. If you’re putting yourself in an emotional situation, keep a glass of ice water nearby. When you feel tears coming on, take a long slow sip of the water. Since your body temperature usually goes up when you’re emotional, it can help you regulate how you’re feeling so you’re more relaxed.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- As an added benefit, water also clears up the lump in the back of your throat that you may feel when you’re stressed out or crying.

4

Squeeze a stress ball.

Fiddle with something in your hands to release physical tension. Keep a squishy stress ball, medallion, or worry stone in your pocket or your hand. When you start feeling frustrated or sad, don’t hold the tension in your body. Instead, squeeze the object tightly in your hand or rub it between your fingers to stay calm. Since you’re refocusing your stress, you’re less likely to start crying.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- If you find yourself getting stressed at work, keep an object on your desk so it’s easy to reach.
- If you don’t have anything with you for stress relief, you might be able to overcome tears just by grasping tightly onto a pen.

5

Tense up your muscles.

Clench your fist to regain a feeling of self-control. When you start feeling sad or full of emotion, it can be hard to control what you’re doing. While you can’t always control when you cry, refocus your attention on parts of your body you can control. Squeeze your hands into tight fists, tense up your legs, or activate your core to stay discrete.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Avoid tensing up the muscles in your face since it might make you cry more easily.

6

Imagine your happy place.

Think of something positive to redirect your focus. Avoid getting self-conscious about the thing that’s making you cry. Take a second to close your eyes and visualize the things that make you happy. Try reflecting back on the happiest moment of your life, picturing yourself on a dream vacation, or imagining the person you love most wearing something silly.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Even if you do cry, imagining something happy will bring you out of a bad mood.

7

Try a 5-4-3-2-1 technique.

Mentally list the objects in your surroundings to ground yourself. As soon as you feel your emotions coming on, stop and look around the room. In your head, name 5 things you can see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This helps you calm down and become more aware of how you’re feeling.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Alternatively, try pointing out all the things that are the same color or start with the same letter in the room.

8

Tilt your head back.

Keep tears from rolling down your cheeks with this simple fix. If you already feel tears welling in your eyes, lean back and look straight up. While you’re tilted back, try taking a few deep breaths or visualizing something positive to help you calm down. When you feel like you have better control over your emotions, tilt your head back down.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- You may notice a few tears if you don’t lean your head back far enough.

9

Relax your face.

Rest your muscles to prevent tears from falling. When you cry, you usually tense up your face and make tears roll down your cheeks. Instead, relax your eyebrows and forehead so they’re not scrunched up. Take a few deep breaths as you loosen your muscles. As you do, you’ll “lock” your tears up so you’re less likely to cry.^{[10]
X
Research source}

10

Watch or listen to something funny.

Lighten the mood with your favorite song or video. Rather than staying sad, search through your music and put on something happy or silly that always makes you smile or dance. Browse YouTube for funny video clips so you don’t feel as down. Ease yourself into a more positive and happy mindset so you can regain your composure.^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Make a playlist of songs or videos that make you feel better so you have quick access when you need them.
- Be careful not to deny how you’re feeling if you’re sad or upset. When you’re in a better mood and don’t feel like you’re going to cry anymore, revisit those thoughts and address them.

11

Step away from the situation.

Put some distance between you and the thing making you cry. If you can, step away from your desk or out of the room for a couple of minutes. Find a change of scenery, get some water, or go outside so you don’t feel as stressed about the situation. When you feel like the tears have passed, take a couple of deep breaths and come back to handle the situation again.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- If you’re at work, politely ask if you can step out before leaving so you stay professional.

12

Hold something cold under your eyes.

Alleviate puffy eyes with some cold water. If you have access to a sink, splash some cold water under your eyes to hide that you’re about to cry. If you want to be a little more discrete, just wet your fingers and gently pat underneath your eyes. The cold water helps restrict blood flow so you don’t have puffy eyes or tears.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- You could instead use an eye mask or a bag of frozen vegetables if you’re at home.

13

Practice self-care for long-term relief.

Find activities to release stress and anxiety in your daily life. If you find that you’re close to tears frequently, there are so many things you can do to help change your mindset. Handling your emotions all comes from self-compassion and managing your stress in your daily life. Some things you can try to bring more awareness to how you’re feeling include:^{[14]
X
Research source}
- Exercising regularly
- Meditation
- Eating a healthy, balanced diet
- Getting a good night’s sleep
Expert Answer

Q

How do I stop being so emotional?

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker
Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

EXPERT ADVICE

Answer from Adam Dorsay, PsyD:

Human beings are emotional beings. Rather than becoming unemotional, try working on becoming more emotionally intelligent. If you're feeling something that needs processing, give your feelings some air time and see if there's anything to be learned from them. Be patient with yourself and try to handle your emotions in a gentle and honest way. Remember that everyone is a little bit clumsy with their emotions as they learn to understand them.

Expert Q&A
Did you know you can get expert answers for this article? Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow

Question

How can I avoid crying when I run into the person that hurt me?

Marsha Durkin, RN
Registered Nurse
Marsha Durkin is a Registered Nurse and Laboratory Information Specialist for Mercy Hospital and Medical Center in Illinois. She received her Associates Degree in Nursing from Olney Central College in 1987.

Marsha Durkin, RN

Registered Nurse

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try using positive self-talk to calm yourself down. Practice this at home so that you will be prepared to think positive thoughts when you see the person. It will uplift and support you when you need it most.
Question

Why do I cry when I'm mad?

Marsha Durkin, RN
Registered Nurse
Marsha Durkin is a Registered Nurse and Laboratory Information Specialist for Mercy Hospital and Medical Center in Illinois. She received her Associates Degree in Nursing from Olney Central College in 1987.

Marsha Durkin, RN

Registered Nurse

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Many people cry when they are angry. It is one way to diffuse the situation.
Question

How do you avoid sounding choked up while you're holding back tears?

Community Answer

The "lump in your throat" feeling is partly due to stress, and partly to lack of air. Pull back your shoulders, relax them, and take deep breaths. This is easier if you identify situations that might make you cry, and start preparing before the feeling overtakes you.