How to Know if Someone Is Lying in a Text

Co-authored by Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II

Last Updated: November 11, 2022 Approved

You've texted your partner, best friend, or a new person you're just getting to know, and you get a feeling like something just isn't right. Is this person lying to you? If so, how can you tell if someone is lying over text? Though there's no sure fire way to do it, there are many signs to watch out for if you want to know whether the person is being honest with you—or texting you lies.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Finding the Obvious Signs

1
See if it takes the person longer to respond. One study found that people take 10 percent more time to respond to a question over text if they are lying. This is natural, of course—they need more time to come up with a believable answer. This can be especially obvious if you've been having a rapid back-and-forth conversation and suddenly it's taking forever for the person to respond.
- If you have the iPhone and can see the ellipses (“...”) at the other end of the text exchange, indicating that it's taking your texting partner forever to craft the perfect response, then this can be a red flag.
- Just remember that, just because it takes a person a longer time to respond, it doesn't guarantee that the person is lying. If the person really likes you, it can just take them longer to respond because they want to sound impressive. Of course, it's also possible—though less likely—that the person got held up just when you asked an important question.
2
See if the answer seems super complicated. If you asked a fairly simple question, such as, “What did you do last night?” and the person sends you back three paragraphs of text, then it may be to compensate for the fact that they're not telling the truth. Some people think that, the more detailed their response is, the more convincing it is, but this can actually be quite the opposite, especially if the person normally doesn't send you long, descriptive texts.
- If the person is describing every little detail of their night when all you wanted was a simple answer, then it may be to convince you that whatever story they made up really did happen.
- If the person is really a novice at lying, then they may even backtrack to correct themselves in the middle of the text exchange.
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3
See if the person quickly tries to change the subject. If the person tries to change the subject, then this is another red flag that they are lying. This would also be true for the situation in person; if the person you're talking to isn't telling the truth, then it's only natural that they wouldn't want to linger over the topic. If the person gives you a quick answer and then asks a more complicated question, this can be a great way to create a diversion away from the fact that they are lying.
- They can say something like this: “I ended up staying out late with John. How about you? How was your night?”
4
See if the person says they have to abruptly leave after giving you an answer. Well, this is another dead giveaway. If the person you're talking to pulls this one, then chances are they're probably not a master liar. If you've been having a great conversation and then suddenly think you've caught them in a lie, and then the next thing you know, they have to suddenly get going, then yeah, this is probably a not-so-subtle way of not wanting to deal with the consequences of the lie.
- This will be especially suspicious if the person leaves with no explanation, and if you didn't think they had any plans during that time.
5
See if the person tries to suck up to you after giving you an answer. If the person you're talking to tries to suck up to you or sweet talk you after they've told the lie, then chances are that something fishy is up. If they normally don't tell you how much they miss you or how beautiful you are and you're suddenly hearing this kind of thing after they give you a dodgy answer to one of your questions, then it's likely that this is just their way of trying to cover up the lie.
- Of course, if the person is normally sweet to you, then it may not mean anything out of the ordinary. But if they suddenly tell you all of the sweet things you've always wanted to hear, then something may be up.
- If the person who is lying doesn't have a romantic relationship with you, then they may still jump to give you a quick compliment or some positive reinforcement to take your mind off the lie.
6
Look for emphatic language. Though emphatic language doesn't mean that the person is lying, if the person isn't usually too emotional or emphatic in their texts and all of a sudden they are very emphatic, then it may be because they are really desperate for you to believe they because they're lying. This is as true for lying girlfriends as it is for mail order bride scams.
- If your girlfriend says something like, “I really, really missed you last night. Though I was out with the girls, I really wish you could have been there,” then she might be trying a bit too hard because she's not telling the truth.
7
Trust your gut. Though there's no way to know if someone is lying 100% unless you find proof or ask and get the truth, you can certainly listen to what your heart and gut are telling you. If you just sense that something is up and know that you're not getting all of the right answers, then chances are that the person you care about is lying to you. If it's a big deal and you feel betrayed, then the only way to clear the air is to ask and get the truth.
- Unfortunately, one study shows that people can only tell if others are lying 54% of the time, which makes the chances that you can tell if someone is lying to you not much better than a coin flip. Still, your instincts should be leading you in the right direction, especially if the person in question is a repeat offender.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Searching for More Subtle Signs

1
See if the person keeps qualifying their answers. If the person keeps qualifying their answers, then this may be another sign that they're lying and really, really wants you to believe them. These little comments can go a long way in showing that they don't trust that their answer alone is going to convince you and that they feel they have to make an extra effort. Here are some choice phrases to look out for when you're trying to spot a liar:
- “To be honest…”
- “What I really mean…”
- “I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but…”
- “Actually, it was really more like…”
2
See if the person gives vague or non-committal answers. Another way to spot a liar is to see if the person refuses to really pin down their story and keeps giving you vague answers that could get them off the hook more easily. If the person isn't confident about what happened last night or in whatever answer they are giving you, then it's likely that this is because they're not telling the whole truth. Here are some phrases to watch out for:
- “It must have been around midnight when…”
- “Maybe it was because…”
- “I probably got home around two.”
- “I'm not sure if…”
- “It seemed kind of like…”
3
See if the person doesn't quite sound like themself. You know what it's like to text with this person. If they're normally pretty casual with their texts, or if you're talking to someone who writes perfect, error free text messages, and suddenly you feel like the text is almost coming from a different person, then the person may be lying. The person may not sound like themself because they're too busy trying to craft the perfect answer; what's worse, this may even be the case because they're with someone who is telling them what to say.
- Scroll through your past texts with this person. Does it sound like the same person is texting you, or like their phone has been abducted by aliens? Even if you can't pinpoint why, if the text just feels different for some reason, then you'll know.
4
See if the person is tense hopping. Tense hopping, or jumping between the past and present tense, is another sign that the person is lying to you. If a person does this, then it means they may be lying because they're so busy crafting a story in their head that they forget that it happened in the past tense, not the present. If the person you're talking to normally doesn't tense hop and suddenly their tenses are all over the place after you think you may have caught them in a lie, then this can be a red flag.
- Look out for when someone speaks like this: “Last night, I went out with the boys for a few drinks. But I only had a few beers. Then I'm going home before midnight…”
- People can tense hop when they're lying because once they start fabricating the story in their heads, it may naturally switch to the present tense.
5
Look for too much insignificant detail. If the person gives you too much insignificant detail and they normally don't chat so much over text, then this may be because they're trying to cover their tracks by making their story seem really believable. If they tell you what music was playing at the club when all you wanted to know was who they were there with, then it may be a sign that they're lying.
- If they say something like, “I was out late at the diner with Jim. He was talking on and on about The Raiders. We had the best cheese fries, though,” when they normally never give details like this, then this may be a sign that they're lying.
6
See if the person's response is unusually polished. If the person you're texting normally doesn't try to have perfectly crafted, grammatically correct sentences, and all of a sudden the response you get from them could have come out of your English textbook, then this is a sign that they're trying too hard to seem like they're telling the truth. Of course, if the person usually talks like this, then it doesn't mean anything.
- If the person usually uses lots of abbreviations, doesn't always use punctuation or capitalized letters, or just generally is a sloppy texter, then they may be lying if they suddenly send you four perfect, grammatically sound sentences.
7
See if the person removes personal pronouns. Another sign that the person is lying is if they remove all personal pronouns when they explain what happened or give you an answer. This is a way of taking away accountability and making it seem as if the situation just “happened” to that person, as if there wasn't anyone to blame. In general, using the passive voice out of the blue can indicate that something is up.^{[1]
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- If a person is telling the truth, they're more likely to say, “I was out late with the boys. Eventually we called a taxi to get home. I didn't even realize it was so late.”
- If they're lying, they can say the same thing without using the first-person pronoun: “The whole group was out. A cab came for us eventually. The night just flew by…”

Community Q&A

Question

My girlfriend keeps saying we will get married, but I know she's cheating. What should I do?

Community Answer

If your girlfriend is cheating on you, don't marry her. Break up with her and find a girlfriend who will be faithful to you.
Question

What if they get mad when you ask them a question about lying?

Community Answer

This really depends on the question. If it's pretty "harmless" and he/she gets mad or upset, it means you hit a nerve, and struck the truth about them lying. Another very valid reason is that no one likes being accused of lying.
Question

Does a person get panicked when asked many questions?

Community Answer

Sometimes some people get very uncomfortable and try to change the subject. Or, lots of emojis or exclamation marks might be used. Silence is another way to avoid the topic but whether or not that is lying or just being fed up with being interrogated rudely depends on the context. Are you sure you're entitled to be asking so many questions or are you being a righteous pain?