How Do You Know if Your Girlfriend Is Cheating on You over Text? 9 Signs to Look Out For

Written by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC | Edited by Emily Liu

Last Updated: February 22, 2023 References

It can be confusing and painful to suspect that your girlfriend may be cheating on you over text, especially if you just want to give her your full trust and love. But you may have found yourself unsure recently about whether you’re reading too much into her new texting habits, or whether she’s really being unfaithful. It’s totally understandable if you’re feeling disoriented, and we’ve compiled some signs that may mean she’s talking to someone else over text⁠⁠⁠⁠. With their help, you can soon come to a better understanding about what’s going on and if you need to do anything about it.

1

She’s constantly texting.

A sudden increase in texting may be a sign she’s cheating. Cheaters tend to use their devices more frequently than before, so this could be a sign that she’s talking to someone else.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Don’t assume that texting more than usual equals cheating. Your girlfriend could just be texting a friend who needs some extra support, for example.

2

She can never let go of her phone.

It’s a bit sketchy if she takes her phone everywhere⁠—even the bathroom. It’s not just that she’s texting more frequently⁠—she also takes her phone everywhere she goes, even when she doesn’t need to. This could be because she doesn’t want you to see the text message notifications. It could also be because she’s eagerly waiting for texts from someone else so that she can respond right away.^{[2]
X
Research source}

3

She hides her phone screen from you.

Tilting her screen away and quickly powering it off are odd behaviors. She might also leave her phone face down to hide notifications, set her notification sounds to silent, or turn off her lock screen notifications altogether. This could be a sign that she’s texting somebody else, but doesn’t want you to know about it. She could also be secretive about her computer screen if she uses her computer to message people.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- For example, you might go sit by on the couch while she’s texting someone, only for her to shift to the other side or leave the room entirely.
- Hiding her screen doesn’t always mean your girlfriend is cheating⁠—she might also be responding to private information.

4

She sets up a phone password.

It’s more suspicious if she started using the passcode recently. Maybe she didn’t have a password before, or has changed her password to a new one that you don’t know. If so, she might be trying to keep you out⁠ on purpose so that you don’t see her text messages.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Everyone deserves their privacy, and it’s perfectly normal if she wants to have her own password, so don’t assume that setting up a new password always means she’s trying to hide things from you.

5

She deletes her texts.

Deleting texts, DMs, and browser histories are usually red flags. You might actually see her doing this, or find out afterwards when or if she gives you her phone. This could signal that she’s trying to hide the evidence that she’s chatting it up with someone, and that the correspondence isn’t platonic.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- If she typically uses her computer to communicate, you might also notice that she’s been clearing her browser history or deleting emails.
- There could be other reasons she’s deleting her messages; for example, she might be trying to clear up space on her phone or computer.

6

She doesn’t answer your texts for a long time.

She could be spending time with someone else. If you’re used to getting back pretty quick responses, a change in habits might be a sign that she’s shifting her priorities to another person. She might seem to be getting more and more unreachable, but for no clear reason.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- For example, she might not respond to your text in the morning, or she might leave you on read all the way until the evening⁠—even though you know she had a free day.
- Be aware that she may just be taking some time off to enjoy a hobby and relax by herself!

7

She changes her texting style.

Does she seem noticeably distant or detached in recent texts? Maybe she hasn’t been as emotionally intimate lately, or has become neutral, unexcited⁠—even hostile Maybe she gives you a lot less detail than she used to. This could mean that she’s becoming uninvested from your relationship because she’s texting someone else, or even rationalizing her behavior by pushing the blame onto you.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- For instance, maybe she used to send you a good morning and good night text every day, or text you hearts and call you affectionate nicknames⁠—but she’s stopped doing that.
- She may also just be dealing with personal issues or going through a hard time, so consider checking in with her about how she’s doing if you’re concerned.

8

She’s evasive when you try to bring it up.

Avoiding the subject could be a warning sign that something’s wrong. Even though you might just be hinting that there’s something you want to talk about, or framing the question nonchalantly, her automatic reaction seems to be to push it away. This could signal that she’s texting someone else because she wants to deflect attention away from her actions.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- For instance, she might say “It’s nobody” when you casually ask her who just texted her.

9

Ask her about it if you're truly worried.

Start an open conversation with your girlfriend. If she's texting all the time and it really seems unusual, just ask her who the other person is and what’s going on. Make it clear that she doesn’t have to give you specifics if it’s a personal issue, but you just want to make sure you’re not misinterpreting or reading too much into things.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Texting has become such a normal part of our communication that even if she really is texting someone else, it’s possible she might not even see it as cheating.

Expert Q&A

Question

When does texting count as cheating?

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Dr. Tara Vossenkemper is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder and Managing Director of The Counseling Hub, LLC, a group counseling practice located in Columbia, Missouri. She is also the Founder of and a Business Consultant with Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC, a consulting service for therapy practice owners. With over nine years of experience, she specializes in using the Gottman Method of relationship therapy with couples on the brink of divorce, who have conflict, or who feel disconnected from one another. Dr. Vossenkemper holds a BA in Psychology from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis, an MA in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University, and a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision from The University of Missouri, Saint Louis. She has also completed Level 3 training in the Gottman Method Couples Therapy approach and has been formally trained in both the Prepare-Enrich Premarital Couples Counseling approach and the PREP Approach for couples counseling.

Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Cheating, at its core, involves an element of secrecy and emotional connection with another person (without a person's partner knowing). If the texting in question creates emotional intimacy and secrecy with another person, it falls in the camp of being an affair.