How to Know when to Stop Texting a Guy

Co-authored by Julianne Cantarella and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: February 8, 2022 References

When you’re chatting with a new guy, it’s really tempting to text him non-stop so you get to know him better. Even though you want to keep up the conversation, too many messages could make you sound a little over-eager or make him lose interest. Luckily, there are some ways he may hint at his feelings in his messages. Keep reading for a few signs to watch out for so you know if it’s time to take a break from your phone or move on to someone else.

1

You already texted him and are waiting for a reply.

The guy might feel overwhelmed if he opens a wall of texts. If you’ve sent him a message or two earlier in the day and he still hasn’t responded, don’t worry! There’s a chance that your guy got busy or is hanging out with other people. Take a break from your phone and do something else to distract you while you wait for him to reach out again.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}
- Try to balance your conversations by sending the same amount of messages as he does.
- If you need him to respond to something urgently, it’s okay to reach out again for an answer.

2

You know he has a busy day.

Notifications from your messages might distract him from his work. If he mentioned that he’s got a lot going on, he might not be able to check his phone or text you back. It’s okay to send a message wishing him a good day at first, but wait until he replies and tells you that he’s free so he can focus.
- For example, you could send him a text like, “Hey! I hope your day isn’t too crazy! Let me know when you’re done and we can chat 🙂.”

3

He replies with one-word messages.

He might be busy or uninterested if he doesn’t put effort into a response. If a guy is into you, he’ll ask questions or send long responses to learn more about you. If he's short with you but he’s normally pretty talkative, let him know that you’ll talk to him later when he’s not as distracted. If he always sends one word no matter how much effort you put into your messages, then it may be time to move on.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}
- For example, if he’s normally responsive, you might say something like, “I can let you go if you’re busy! Just text me again when you’re free!”

4

He never messages you first.

A guy will start convos with you if he wants to get to know you better. Look through your messages to see if you’re the one that’s starting most of the conversations. If he doesn’t reach out to you first very often, it might mean that you're not on his mind. If you haven’t started a new conversation yet, keep waiting to see if he eventually reaches out.^{[3]
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- If you don’t hear from him at all, it might mean that he’s not interested.

5

He turns down invites to hang out.

He might make excuses not to see you if he’s not really into you. When a guy is really serious about you, he’ll want to spend time together to see if you have physical chemistry. While it’s true he might be busy a few times when you want to hang, it’s a red flag if he only keeps your relationship over text. It’s okay to stop texting him and move on to someone who cares about you even more.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}

6

He doesn’t introduce you to his friends.

There’s a chance he’s brushing you off if you don’t know people close to him. Guys care about their friends a ton, so getting to know those people is an important step in your relationship. If he mentions his friends, ask if you can meet them and all hang out together. If he makes excuses about why you can’t see them, then he may not want his friends to know about you because he doesn’t take the relationship as seriously as you do.^{[5]
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Research source}

7

He doesn’t talk to you in person or on social media.

He may ignore you when you aren't texting if he's not interested. After you’ve been texting for a while, try connecting on social media or saying hi when you see him in person. If he hasn’t accepted your friend or follow requests, he might not be into you or he doesn't want you to see his posts. Ask him why he hasn’t accepted your requests yet just in case he hasn’t seen them, but move on if he doesn’t have a good reason or blows you off again.
- For example, you could casually bring up the topic by saying, “You should see what I just posted on Insta! Do we follow each other?”

8

He only talks about sex.

If he only hits you up to be intimate, it could be a sign he’s using you. Read through your messages and see when he reaches out to you. If he’s always sending a late-night text for a booty call or asking for pics, he might not want a deep relationship. That’s okay if all you want is a casual fling, but if you’re really into him, you may want to bring it up or move on to someone who’s looking for something more serious.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.}
- Be wary of sending intimate or explicit images since he could save or share them.

9

He takes days to respond.

He might be playing games if you’re waiting for a response. Some people wait a long time before sending a text because they think it makes them more mysterious. You deserve someone who’s excited to chat and sends timely responses, so stop reaching out if it’s days or weeks before you hear back from him.^{[7]
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- If the guy completely ghosts you and leaves you on read, it’s a sign that he wasn’t very invested. Stop trying to text him and find someone who’s excited to talk to you.

10

He tells you to stop texting him.

Listen and respect a guy’s space if he directly says something. Some guys are forward with how they’re feeling and will tell you if he wants to continue chatting or not. If he mentions that he doesn’t want to keep talking, he’s trying to be respectful by saying it directly rather than ignoring your messages. Take what he says to heart and stop messaging him for the time being. If his feelings change, he’ll reach out to you again when he’s ready.
- It can be really tempting asking a guy why he doesn’t want to talk, but he doesn’t have to give you a reason. Just respect what he says so you don’t make your relationship worse.

11

You don’t see a future with him.

Carry on conversations with guys you can see yourself with later on. Think about the reason why you’re really texting the guy. If you’re genuinely interested in him and want to have a deeper connection, it’s okay to keep talking. If you aren’t serious about moving forward with your relationship, then you might be wasting both his and your time.^{[8]
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- Just think – texting a guy you’re not really into might distract you from meeting someone you really care about and want a relationship with.

Expert Q&A

Question

How long should you not text a guy for?

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.”

Julianne Cantarella

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

I think intentionally not texting a guy you're interested in is probably a bad strategy. If your conversation is engaging, active, and frequent, don't stop talking to him if you're into it!
Question

What's a red flag that I should stop texting a guy?

Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach
Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.”

Julianne Cantarella

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

If his texts are sort of dismissive or he isn't really making an effort to connect, that's usually a bad sign. It's also a red flag if he leaves you on read and then texts you out of nowhere to string you along a bit.