How to Live

Co-authored by Kirsten Parker, MFA and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: January 18, 2023 References

Life is happening all around you, but you may struggle to figure out how to really live. How you live your life is up to you, and making choices that feel right to you is the best way to find meaning and happiness. To live, start by knowing yourself, such as your core values, strengths, and passions. Then, align the actions you take every day with your personal values. Finally, connect with other people and show them how much you care about them.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Knowing Yourself

1
Identify your core values so that you can live by them. Think about what’s important to you in life, as well as the behaviors you admire in others. Then, try to remember the best days of your life and what you were doing those days. Use this to create a list of your core values, which are the things you care about the most.^{[1]
X
Research source}
- For example, you may value helping others, keeping an open mind, and sharing what you have.
2
Find a purpose for your life by figuring out what drives you. Think about the things in your life that make you take action, such as things that get you excited. Then, imagine yourself 5, 10, 15, and 20 years in the future, and write down what you hope to have accomplished. Next, consider what you’re willing to sacrifice for, as well as how you can best use the skills you have to contribute to the world.^{[2]
X
Expert Source

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach
Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.} This can help you find your purpose.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- You may feel like you have more than 1 purpose, and that’s okay.
- Your purpose may change as you get older and learn more about yourself.
- As an example, your purpose may be to inspire others through your music or to help people by getting a nursing degree.
Advertisement
3
Identify your personal strengths and talents so you can use them. Consider what you’re best at doing, as well as what comes easily to you. Make a list of these skills and abilities so you know your strengths. Then, choose which strengths and talents are most important to you so you can continue to build them.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you might find that you’re good at writing, playing soccer, and taking care of your younger siblings. You might attend a writing workshop to get better at it, or you might go to soccer camp. Similarly, babysitting might be a way to earn extra money.
4
Pursue your passions and hobbies to bring yourself happiness. Make a list of the things that draw your attention, including activities and things. Then, figure out how you can incorporate these interests into your life.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach
Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.} Spend time on your passions or hobbies as often as you can, ideally every day.^{[6]
X
Research source}
- For example, some of your interests might include music, jewelry, and tattoos. You could learn an instrument or start a vinyl collection, learn to make jewelry, and get a tattoo.
- Don’t worry about what other people say. It’s your life, so follow your own passions.
5
Decide if you’re an early bird or night owl to be more productive. Consider if you feel more awake and energized in the morning or at night. Then, try to schedule your most important activities at the time of day when you feel most alert. Additionally, adjust your schedule to be earlier or later if this is possible.^{[7]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you might decide to study or do your most important work in the early morning hours if you’re an early bird. On the other hand, a night owl might prefer to do it right before bed.
6
Determine if you’re an extrovert, introvert, or ambivert to guide your social life. Extroverts get energy from being around others, while introverts recharge by spending time alone. Ambiverts fall somewhere in the middle, so they often feel comfortable with others or alone. Knowing which group you’re in will help you figure out the social situations that are best for you. The easiest way to find out if you’re an extrovert, introvert, or ambivert is to take an online quiz.^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Typically, extroverts are focused outward while introverts are focused inward.
- For instance, an introvert may enjoy staying home on a Saturday night, while an extrovert may prefer to go out. Both of these choices are great ways to spend your time if you’re happy.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Aligning Your Actions with Your Values

1
Live according to your spiritual beliefs if you have any. You may follow a religious path or may hold a set of personal spiritual beliefs. You’ll feel much happier and connected with the world if you incorporate these beliefs into your daily life. Make choices that are in line with your beliefs, and spend time everyday connecting with your higher power.^{[9]
X
Research source}
- Meditate or pray daily.
- Join a community of people who share your beliefs if you can. This will help you deepen your faith.
- If you catch yourself making choices that aren’t in line with your beliefs, stop and reflect on why you’re doing this. Then, do your best to make changes.
2
Adjust your daily habits so they’re in sync with your values. The small choices you make every day can have a big impact on your life. Make sure you’re doing things that support your values and purpose in life.^{[10]
X
Expert Source

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach
Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.} Here are some changes you might make:^{[11]
X
Research source}
- Use recycled products if you believe in environmentalism.
- Choose organic foods if you think pesticides are bad.
- Pick natural products if you think chemicals are harming people.
- Eat vegetarian or vegan to help animals or the environment.
- Walk or bicycle to use less fossil fuels.
- Give money or food to people in need to help others.
- Let people merge in traffic to spread goodwill.
- Pay it forward by buying someone’s coffee.
3
Set personal goals to help you work toward your life’s purpose. Finding your purpose is a lot easier than living it. The best way to get yourself on the right path is to create goals that will help you live the life you want. Think about the things that are most important to you, then break them down into steps. Create a timeline for accomplishing each step so that you can achieve your goals.^{[12]
X
Research source}
- For example, you might set a goal to become a nurse. Your steps might be to do well in your science and math classes, volunteer at a nursing home or hospital, get a bachelor’s degree in nursing, attain a master’s degree in nursing, and get a job at a hospital.
- As another example, your goal could be to show your artwork in public. Your steps might include taking art classes to improve your skills, creating a body of work, entering local art shows, and asking local coffee shops if you can display your work there.
4
Choose an educational and career path that honors your purpose. Consider what you want to do with your life, as well as what types of careers are related to your purpose. From there, pick a program or job that makes you feel energized. Pursue this path as you go forward.^{[13]
X
Research source}
- It’s likely that other people are going to have strong opinions about your choices, especially your family. Do your best to ignore what they say and do what you feel is best for you. You only get one life, so do what you love.
Tip: There’s no guarantee that the safe path in life will bring you success. It’s easy for people to tell you that a particular job or degree will bring success, but this doesn’t mean it’s true. Make choices based on what you want out of life, not on promises of “success.”
5
Enjoy what you love in moderation so your life is balanced. Eat your favorite foods, pursue your interests, and have fun with your friends. However, balance these pleasures by taking care of yourself and working hard to accomplish your goals.^{[14]
X
Expert Source

Kirsten Parker, MFA
Mindset & Action Coach
Expert Interview. 22 July 2020.} Moderation will help you live your best life possible, so don’t go overboard with either work or pleasure.^{[15]
X
Research source}
- For instance, create a routine so you have time to get your work done, clean up after yourself, maintain good hygiene, pursue your hobbies, and spend time with people you care about.
6
Allow yourself to learn and grow as you gain more wisdom. As you go through life, you’ll likely see things from a different perspective than you did when you were young. Enjoy the wisdom and knowledge that come with age. Soak up new information, and learn from the people you meet. Be open to growing and changing as a person as you find out more about life.^{[16]
X
Research source}
- Listen to the stories of the people you meet. Try to find lessons from their experiences, especially if they’ve lived a very different life from you.
- Read books and articles or watch documentaries to learn more about the world.
- If you can, travel to other places to learn how people there live.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Connecting with and Caring for Others

1
Make friends by taking classes, volunteering or joining a club. The best way to meet people and make new connections is to go out. If you’re comfortable meeting new people, talk to people you meet while shopping or enjoying a night out. Otherwise, sign up for a class that interests you or join a club that focuses on your interests. As another option, volunteer for a good cause.^{[17]
X
Research source}
- Look for clubs in your area on Facebook Groups or Meetup.com. If you’re still in school, look for an after-school club.
- Your local library may also have posts about clubs.
2
Communicate with your closest friends and relatives daily. Send the people you love a text every day. When you can, call or visit with them in person. This will help you keep your relationships strong and healthy.^{[18]
X
Research source}
- For example, send a good morning text to your partner, check on your parents, and send memes to your friends.
- Make a coffee date with a friend or invite them over to watch Netflix.
- Sit down for a family dinner each week, or Skype with your family if you live far away from them.
3
Give people your full attention when you’re spending time with them. Make a habit of not checking your phone or texting while you’re with your friends, relatives, or partner. Focus on the time you have with them, and listen to what they have to say. Doing this will keep your relationships strong and will help you connect with others.^{[19]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- When you’re hanging out with friends, set aside time for one-on-one contact. For instance, you might be hanging out to watch movies, but you could spend 15 minutes talking before you turn on the screen.
- If the other person is on their phone, let them know you’d like to have their full attention. Say, “I’m so happy we could do this tonight. Would you be cool with putting our phones away during dinner?”
4
Choose friends that make you feel good about yourself. Instead of picking friends who seem cool, look for friends that pay attention to you, offer you advice, and support you. These are the friends who will make your life awesome! Spend more time with the people you enjoy being around.^{[20]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Treat your friends the way you want to be treated. Be there for them when they need you and give them constant encouragement.
- Don’t worry about actively cutting negative people out. Focus more on bringing in the positive and these people will naturally fade out of your life.
5
Give as much as you take from your relationships. Good relationships involve give-and-take, so don’t become a taker. Do your best to reciprocate when your friends, family, or partner do nice things for you. Keeping things balanced helps you maintain a strong relationship.^{[21]
X
Research source}
- For example, if your friend does a favor for you, do something for them in return. This could be a favor or a gesture of goodwill, like buying them a coffee.
- Similarly, if your partner is always doing the things you want to do, suggest that they pick your next activity.
Tip: If you have a relationship with a taker, give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don’t realize what they’re doing. Then, try to talk to them about it. Say, “Lately, I feel like I’m giving more to this relationship than I’m receiving. How do you see things between us?”
6
Find the good in other people. Your view of the world will be much better if you assume that people are good. Additionally, you’ll be more likely to see the good in yourself, which will improve your mood. Do your best to think highly of others. Here are some ways to do it:^{[22]
X
Research source}
- Give people the benefit of the doubt.
- Assume that there’s a good reason for every action.
- Look for people’s talents instead of their faults.
- Focus on their best features instead of their worst.
- Remember that not everyone is on the same journey as you.
7
Open yourself up to falling in love when you’re ready. Before you look for love, make sure that you know yourself well. Then, consider what you want most in a partner. When you meet someone who interests you romantically, get to know them to find out if you’re compatible. Let the relationship grow into love as you build a deeper connection with them.^{[23]
X
Research source}
- You’re likely going to fall in and out of love several times in your life. This is a painful process, but it will help you find the best partner for you.
- Don’t try to force love. The best relationships take time to grow and develop into a real connection.