How to Love Someone

Express your love in words. Arguably the most obvious way of showing love is through words of affirmation.^[8] This can range from anything from a simple "I love you" to a more elaborate passage about all the things you admire about the person you love. This applies to love in friendships as much as romantic arrangements.

• Often, saying "I love you" says more than most anything else, if only for the fact that people have placed so much emphasis on those three words.

Use physical touch to your advantage. Touch can be used to a wide variety of positive effects.^[9] While the benefits would seem most apparent in a romantic connection, love may be demonstrated in all types of love. Depending on the type of connection you have with someone you love, physical affection may come naturally, and it may be reciprocated in turn. Physical touch feels good, and helps promote good feelings between the both of you.^[10]

• Kissing and cuddling are best suited to show romantic love.
• A handshake or a hug can demonstrate platonic love.

Make a habit of gift-giving.^[11] Gifts are a great thing if you want to express your love to someone. While words go a long way, a gift is a concrete sign of your affection. Gifts can be as small or as big as you want. The important thing is that the gift was given with sincere feelings behind it. The types of gifts you might give depends on the type of love you're expressing:

• Flowers are a very common gift to give to a romantic lover.
• Less symbolic gifts, like concert tickets, may be given to friends or family.
• Small thoughtful gifts, like homemade cards or picked flowers, can mean a lot to anyone.

Spend quality time with them. Give the person you love your full, undivided attention when you’re together. Try to eliminate any distractions coming between you and your loved one. Avoid using your phone or electronics to make your loved one feel special.^[12]

• Practice active listening when your loved one is talking by maintaining eye contact and processing what they’re saying. Don’t talk over or interrupt them.
• Have a board game night or go on a date night to a place you’ve never been before so you can have fun.

Perform acts of service for your loved one. Sometimes, doing chores or helping out around the house will show someone that you care and love them. Even if it’s out of your way, take some time to do the thing that your loved one hates doing all the time. They’ll be sure to appreciate it.^[13]

• For example, if your loved one is very busy and don’t have time to wash the dishes, consider doing them to ease their workload.

Make it last. When people first begin to love, they rarely consider the long-term ramifications. It can feel amazing to love someone at first, but the greatest rewards come from a lot of persistence and effort from both sides. Once you have a strong relationship, don't get lazy; feed it every day. Whether that's through repeating the steps or exploring new ways, making love last is very important. If love was thought to be short-lived, it would never feel as powerful as it does.

• Put your loved one’s needs ahead of your own from time to time to keep your love consistent.

Define love. Before anything else, it is important to base your search for answers on a generally agreed-upon definition for the word love. Love may be casually described as a very strong affection for something or someone, although answers will vary from person to person.^[14] Chances are you have your own definition of love. Try to put your own definition into words.

• Because love is something you feel, looking to art and music lets you feel someone else's interpretation directly. The Beatles are a great go-to in this regard, but there are great songs about love from virtually every era and style of music.
• Writers and philosophers have given many different interpretations of love. You may want to seek out their opinions if you're having any doubt with your own definition.^[15]

Consider the different types of love. Love covers a wide variety of positive feelings for an all-encompassing range of human relationships. Think of all of the different types of connections you can foster with people. Most connections have the potential for a certain kind of love. A love you have for your parents or your children is distinct from the feelings you would have towards a lover. It is important to first consider these different types of love, and how they might ideally feel. While it could be categorized endlessly, Ancient Greek philosophers categorized love into four general categories:^[16]

• Eros refers to a romantic love. This is arguably the first type of love people think of when the term love is brought up.
• Storge refers to a love of family and kinship.
• Philia is a friendly love, also known as "Platonic love."
• Agape was the Greeks' term for a "divine love", relating to spiritual matters.
• Love can also be used to describe affection for an object or a concept. For instance, someone may love their car, or their country.

Distinguish love from infatuation.^[17] It is very easy to recognize mere attraction as real love. However, most often this boils down to a case of infatuation. Judging infatuation as love muddles the value of love as a term. If you are thinking of romantic love, this can often refer to a confusion between love with a mostly physical attraction.

• Although there is such a thing as love at first sight, it is much more likely that real love will develop gradually.

Be realistic about love. When it all comes down to it, love is idealistic by nature. That doesn't mean it can't be a part of real life, but you do need to be realistic about what you define as love. Love can feel magical, but it's by no means fairytale-like or perfect. You can love someone and still fight with them or dislike things about them. At the end of the day, however, loving someone means the positives outweigh their negative traits, and you would go out of your way to help them out at no benefit to yourself. It is easy to idealize the notion of love, but there is real-life potential for it in virtually all of us.

• Being realistic should not be confused with being jaded or cynical. Pessimism is another kind of bias. Just because it doesn't showcase things in a rose-tinted light doesn't mean it's presenting things as accurately as it should. Take the good along with the bad.