How to Attract Someone to You: Highlighting Your Personality & More

Dating coaches reveal how to show your best self and interact with people for long-term attraction

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: March 22, 2023

If you don’t consider yourself one of the “lucky few” who can magically attract anyone they want, think again—attraction might be subjective, but you’re not powerless when it comes to how others perceive you. We’ve consulted dating experts to show you how to make your personality shine and interact with others so they grow more attracted to you each day. Let’s dive in!

Things You Should Know

Project confidence and stay true to your morals and values, but don’t forget to have fun and show off your unique sense of humor!
Be a good listener and maintain friendly eye contact to make the other person feel attractive. Keep your body language relaxed and open to look inviting.
As you get to know someone better, open up to them more and interact with them regularly to make their attraction to you grow over time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Cultivating the Right Personality

1
Embrace fun. People tend to be attracted to people who are fun to be around. If you're trying to attract someone, try to relax and have fun with them.
- Be open to being silly around the person you want to attract. Do not be afraid to make goofy jokes while watching a movie, for example.
- Be open to adventure. If the person you're trying to attract wants to go out and get dinner, for example, go along for the ride and try to enjoy yourself.
2
Develop confidence. People are attracted to those who are confident in themselves. When you're around someone you want to attract, try to have some self confidence. Do things that make you appear confident, such as sharing your opinions and personality without hesitance.
- If you have issues with self confidence, find ways to work on them. You can try engaging in an activity to boost confidence, like working out regularly. If you have chronic issues with self confidence, consider talking them over with a therapist.
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3
Have a sense of humor. People are attracted to funny people. When you're around someone you want to attract, work on making that person laugh. Do not be afraid to crack jokes or make humorous comments about your surroundings. If you have any funny anecdotes, try sharing those as well.^{[1]
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- If you're unsure how to be funny, work on cultivating your sense of humor. You can watch stand up routines online or listen to funny radio shows or podcasts. If you immerse yourself in humorous material, you will learn how to be funny yourself.
4
Be independent. If you're attracted to someone, you may be inclined to lean on them and flatter them to get attention. However, people are actually attracted to people who are more independent. Instead of focusing all your energy on the person you're trying to attract, focus on yourself more. Do not be afraid to bring up your interests, careers, and passions. People are attracted to those who have their own goals and life.
- In conversation, never hesitate to bring up yourself. You can feel free to talk about your own passions and interests if the person asks.
- In a large social event, do not dedicate all your time to the person you're trying to attract. Make rounds throughout the room and mingle with others. A sense of independence will make you more attractive.
5
Have your own sense of values. Think about your core values and beliefs. People are attracted to people who have a solid moral center, even if it differs slightly from their own. If you're able to develop your own beliefs and stand by them, you may be more attractive to others.
- If you're discussing something with the person you're trying to attract, it is okay to disagree. This may make you more attractive to that person. Just make sure you do so in a respectful way. For example, say something like, "Oh, that's interesting, but I actually see that issue in a different light."

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Interacting with the Person

1
Listen. People are attracted to those who are interested in them. One way to convey interest is to listen. Allow the other person to talk and share their insight. Give cues, such as nodding and maintaining eye contact, to show you are paying attention.^{[2]
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- You can also do things like ask follow up questions. For example, "You grew up in New York City? That's interesting. What was it like?"
2
Make the other person feel attractive. People will fee more attracted to you if you make them feel attractive. Try to do flirtatious things, like smiling, making eye contact, and light touch. For example, brush the person's arm during conversation.^{[3]
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3
Maintain eye contact. Eye contact can convey interest and attraction. Holding the person's gaze throughout a conversation can make them more attracted to you.^{[4]
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- If you like someone, make more eye contact than you normally would. Aim to make eye contact for about 75% of the conversation.
- Remember to look away on occasion, however, as too much eye contact can come off as too intense. Try to glance away about every 30 to 40 seconds for example.
4
Use the right body language. Body language can convey attraction and interest, which can make the other person attracted to you in turn. If you are attracted to someone, keep your body language open during interactions.^{[5]
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- Be aware of your torso. Keep your chest and abdomen open. Avoid doing things like crossing your arms or clutching something close to your chest.
- Keep your hands visible. People are sometimes distrustful of people who conceal their hands, so keep your hands where the person can see them.
5
Look attractive. Physical attraction does matter to a degree. You can make sure to brush your hair each day and wear flattering clothing, for example. If you wear makeup, try to put on a little makeup before you see the person to get their attention.
- You can also try taking up a workout routine to build up some muscle. This can make you more attractive to others.
EXPERT TIP

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach

Consider dressing a little more casually for a first date. Love and relationship coach Lisa Shield says: "If you're a woman and you go on a first date wearing expensive shoes and carrying an expensive handbag, you might send the message that you're high maintenance. When you're making that first impression, it's better to dress down a little bit."

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Maintaining Attraction

1
Open up. In the long term, emotional intimacy can build attraction. As you're trying to get to know someone, have deeper conversations. Talk about your hopes, dreams, and fears with the other person. This can help build mutual feelings of attraction.^{[6]
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- Allow deep topics to be introduced organically into the conversation. If something emotional comes up, do not change the subject. Discuss the issue.
- Oftentimes, you can establish a solid, loving connection with someone in a short period of time by simply opening up.
2
Interact regularly. People are more attracted to those who make themselves available. Avoid doing things like playing hard to get. Instead, make yourself present in the person's life.^{[7]
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- Respond quickly to texts and phone calls. Make an effort to see the person regularly.
3
Take care of yourself. People are attracted to those who care for themselves. If you want to help someone develop feelings of attraction to you, work on maintaining a healthy lifestyle and taking care in your physical appearance. It is not necessarily about looking a certain way. People are attracted to those who care for themselves. You do not have to radically change your lifestyle or appearance, but it's a good idea to work on practicing healthy eating, regular exercise, and good hygiene.^{[8]
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4
Care for the other person. Making another person feel valued can make them more attracted to you. Work on caring for the other person. Ask about them and their lives and ask how they're doing on a regular basis.^{[9]
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- You can try doing nice things for them as well. For example, if you know someone has had a bad day, bring them coffee or a donut at work.

Community Q&A

Question

What if they have a crush on another person and you have a crush on them?

Community Answer

You can try to make them notice you using these steps. They may develop feelings for you instead.
Question

How do I make someone that I have a crush on view me as "girlfriend" material?

Community Answer

Up your confidence and interact with them regularly. Don't be shy. Talk to them and make a few flirtatious remarks (but avoid sexual innuendo). Be yourself. If they don't get the message after a while, just tell them how you feel about them.
Question

I have a crush on this guy, and he is always staring at me, but I think he is talking to another girl. What should I do?

Community Answer

You can try making casual small talk. Eventually, you may learn whether or not he's dating the other girl. If he isn't, try doing things like casual flirting to get his attention.

Warnings

Remember, you cannot force someone to like you. If someone isn't attracted to you, accept this and move on.

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