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This article was co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 100,089 times.
It can be hard to tell when someone is attracted to you. Some people are very direct about their desires, while others may give off a confusing slew of mixed-up signals. If you are attracted to the person in question, the situation might be even more stressful. There is no certain way to know or quantify how much someone likes you – but read on for some tips that you can use to feel out the situation.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Watching for Clues
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1Listen for laughter. People tend to laugh more when they are attracted to someone.[1] This doesn't mean that your crush wants to jump your bones just because she laughed at your joke; but you might notice when it's happening a lot.
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2Catch their eyes on you. Make a point of looking over at this person at spontaneous moments. If you catch them often staring at you, or even simply stealing glances – there is a good chance that they are interested. People tend to stare intensely for 2-3 seconds at people to whom they're attracted, then lower their eyes and quickly look away.[2]
- This person may be trying to subtly flirt with you: looking over frequently in the hopes of catching your eye. Two can play at this game!
- If your eyes meet, you can react in two ways: look away quickly, to play the coy role, or smile warmly to acknowledge the person.
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3See when someone is listening. If someone cocks their head to the side, it usually means that they are interested in what you have to say. Note that this does not necessarily mean that the person is attracted to you. Attention and attraction do, however, often come hand in hand, and if a person is already listening, you might have a better chance of wooing them with your words.
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4Notice when someone touches you. Subtle (or not-so-subtle) physical contact is a classic way of showing attraction.[3] See if he/she seems to find excuses to brush your hand or your shoulder, or even just to get close to you. Perhaps they like to jokingly tickle you or perhaps they hug you for just a little bit longer than her other friends. If someone seems to be touching you a lot, there's a good chance that they are attracted to you.[4]
- Try touching back. If you like the way that it feels. If it feels electric, real, and right, don't be afraid to reciprocate. This can be a great way to signal that you are attracted, too.[5]
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5Gauge when someone makes an effort to be near you. Even if the person isn't actually touching you, you might notice him/her trying to spend time with you.[6] Perhaps they volunteer to work an event with you, or to be your lab partner, maybe they show up at every show that your band plays, or they messages you online just to ask "what's up?" If someone is actively trying to place themselves within the sphere of your awareness, there's a good chance that it's because they are attracted to you.
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6Pick up on "mirroring." People tend to imitate or "mirror" the poses and expressions of people to whom they're attracted to. This can take the form of someone subconsciously shifting their legs to sit how you are sitting, slowing their walking speed to match your pace, smiling when you smile, or looking where you look. Most people aren't aware of this impulse when they're acting on it, but you might be able to use this knowledge to speculate on whether someone is attracted to you.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Noticing Patterns
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1Watch how this person acts with other people.[7] Your crush may make a point of touching your shoulder a lot, or of giving you big hugs. They may also touch a lot of other people in this way. Some people are simply more outwardly affectionate than others, and it can be hard to tell when these people are genuinely attracted to someone. Be careful how much you read into the actions of a very flirtatious person.
- Be aware that they are likely not only attracted to you. Even if this person has a crush on you, there's a good chance that they encounter other attractive people. Don't be discouraged just because there's a bit of competition!
- Eventually, you might be able to distinguish this person's "attraction" behavior from the way that they act around platonic friends. It may not be what you expect. Some people even clam up and get uncharacteristically shy around those whom they like!
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2Sense attention. If someone is attracted to you, you should feel the general warmth of this person's attention on you.
- For example, maybe they talk about sensual things or sensitive things. Maybe they are always asking you how you're doing. It can be a hard thing to intellectualize – sometimes, you may find that you can feel a palpable energy between yourself and another person
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3Put the clues together. This is no exact science, and attraction usually won't be clear from just one behavior. Use your best judgment. If you caught someone staring at you from across the room, once, then that could mean almost anything. However, if you interact with this person often, and they laugh at your jokes, mirrors your gestures, makes a point to touch you and be near you – you might begin to reasonably assume that he/she is attracted to you.
- Ask a friend, if you aren't sure. If a friend of yours has seen the two of you together, he/she might be able to give an outsider's perspective on whether the person is attracted to you. Make sure not to ask a mutual friend that might spill the beans![8]
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Trusting Your Gut
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1Test the waters. If you think that someone likes you, try to find out more. Put your arm around them during a movie to see how they react or give them an extra-long hug and try to gauge their interest; smile slyly back when you catch them staring. Be bold and flirtatious, and you might be able to bring a bit more clarity to the situation.
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2Be confident. If you're pretty sure that this person is attracted to you, then there's a good chance that they like you at least a little bit. It is natural to want to be sure – but at some point, you'll need to make a move. This can take many forms: asking someone out, hooking up with someone, or simply telling someone how you feel.[9]
- Do not be forceful, and try not to make too many assumptions. Be respectful, always.
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3Talk to this person. Ultimately, direct communication is the surest way to know that someone is attracted to you. If you think that there's a mutual attraction, try to get this person alone for a conversation. Lead in slowly, if you like, or come out and confess your feelings. Kiss the person, if the moment feels right. Talk about your feelings and establish a mutual understanding.
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4Understand the limits of attraction. Someone may well be attracted to you, but that does not necessarily mean that they want to begin a physical or emotional relationship with you. Attraction is a primal sensation. We cannot necessarily control when and whether we feel it, but we can choose where we direct it and how we respond to it. Think carefully about the consequences of acting on mutual attraction.
- If this person is already in a relationship with someone else, they may have committed to monogamy. Consider whether it is your place to disturb that agreement.
- The person in question might not be looking for any sort of relationship, period. Know that your attitude toward attraction is not necessarily the same as everyone else's attitude toward attraction.
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References
- ↑ http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/03/16/the-laugh-gap-explained/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199303/the-biology-attraction
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-power-of-touch/
- ↑ http://theartofcharm.com/flirting-and-attraction/top-signs-female-attraction/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201202/how-flirt-and-seduce-touch-part-1
- ↑ Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Licensed Relationship Therapist. Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.
- ↑ Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Licensed Relationship Therapist. Expert Interview. 11 August 2021.
- ↑ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/relationship-advice-and-romance/7472931/Body-language-how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you.html
- ↑ http://www.anewmode.com/dating-relationships/5-telltale-signs-likes/
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you know if a coworker likes you?
Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFTAlysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.
Licensed Relationship TherapistPay attention to what they chat with you about. An interested coworker might ask a lot about your personal life, or casually ask you to hang out. -
QuestionCan you actually feel when someone likes you?Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFTAlysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post.
Licensed Relationship Therapist"Feel" may not be the right word, but an interested person will definitely drop plenty of hints. They might be overly curious about you and your life, or give you way more attention than they give to the other people in their life.
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Warnings
- Don't ask their friends directly, even if the friend is mutual--this is a great way to let the cat out of the bag.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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About This Article
Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT
Licensed Relationship Therapist
This article was co-authored by Alysha Jeney, MA, LMFT. Alysha Jeney is a Licensed Relationship Therapist, the Owner of Modern Love Counseling, and the Co-Founder of The Modern Love Box. She specializes in relationship therapy, intimacy building, and existential exploration. Alysha holds a BA in Psychology from The Metropolitan State University of Denver and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy/Counseling from Regis University. She has been featured in publications such as The Washington Post and The Huffington Post. This article has been viewed 100,089 times.
Co-authors: 8
Updated: September 16, 2022
Views: 100,089
Categories: Love and Romance
Article SummaryX
To know if someone is attracted to you, look for clues or patterns that may give you a clearer sense of the situation. People tend to mirror the body language of those they're interested in, so see if the person tends to sit like you or hold their upper body in a similar way to you when you're together. Another sign that a person is interested in you is if you catch them staring at you or stealing glances at you when they think you’re not looking. The person might also find excuses to brush your hand or shoulder or get a little closer to you. Of course, some people are naturally more physical, so look for patterns. For example, notice if the person tends to hug or subtly touch all of their friends, or if this is something that only seems to happen with you. This is a great way to tell if the person is simply treating you the way they treat everyone or if they seem to be paying special attention to you. To learn how to trust your gut when it comes to telling if someone is attracted to you, keep reading!
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