How to Know When to Tell Someone You Like Them

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References Approved

If you have a crush on someone, it can be really hard to work up the courage to let them know. Telling them opens you up to the risk that they might not be interested, but keeping your feelings to yourself can make it really hard to move past the crush. Then, once you do decide to tell the person how you feel, you have to find the right time for the conversation. Luckily, there are a few tips that can help you make both decisions a little easier.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Deciding Whether to Tell Them

1
Think about why you have a crush on this person. When you’re deciding whether to share your feelings with your crush, take some time to be honest with yourself about why you like them. If you and your crush like a lot of the same things, you always have fun when you spend time together, and you have the same values in life (like getting good grades or spending time with your family), you might be a good fit together!^{[1]
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- If you don’t know your crush very well, you might just be infatuated by their physical appearance or the way they present themselves. If that’s the case, you can sometimes build up an image of them in your head that they can’t live up to, which isn’t the best basis for a healthy relationship.
2
Spend one-on-one time if you need to get to know your crush better. Instead of just admiring your crush from afar—or rushing into a full confession of your feelings—see if you can come up with a way to spend time around them. That way, you can get to know their character better, and you’ll give them a chance to get to know you, too. This will help you decide whether you should tell them about your crush. In some cases, it might even make you realize you like the person better as a friend!^{[2]
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- If you go to school with your crush, try spending time together by sitting together at lunch, asking for help with a school project, and spending time around their friends.
- You can also invite your crush to hang out with you and your friends when you get together.
- If your crush drives and you don’t, ask them if they can give you a ride so you can spend time together!
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3
Watch for signs that your crush likes you, too. If someone likes you, they’ll usually pay a lot of attention to you when you’re around. They might spend time looking at you, or they might always laugh at your jokes, even if they aren’t that funny. These can all be signs that your crush likes you, and you should probably tell them how you feel.^{[3]
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- You might also notice that your crush remembers little details about you, seems reluctant to say goodbye or leave when you’re around, or finds reasons to brush their hand against yours.
- Keep in mind that relationships aren’t an exact science. Sometimes, a person might act that way and not mean anything by it.
4
Don’t let fear hold you back. It can be really tempting to avoid putting yourself out there because you’re afraid of being rejected. However, if you’ve taken the time to think about why you like this person and you’re convinced they’re right for you, and you think that there’s a possibility they might like you back, just go for it!
- Even if you put yourself out there and they say no, you can tell yourself that you were brave and bold, and you should be proud of yourself for trying.
EXPERT TIP

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist

Our Expert Agrees: Don't let fear get the best of you. If you want a relationship with this person, you are seeing something in them that opened your heart. Don't be afraid to take a leap of faith instead of letting love slip through your fingers.
5
Consider letting it go if they don’t seem interested. It can be really hard to accept that your crush doesn’t like you, but it does happen sometimes. If you’ve tried spending time getting to know them, but they don’t seem to be sending back the same signals, take a step back and consider whether they’re really the best match for you.^{[4]
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- You should probably move on if the other person doesn’t respond to your texts, they seem disinterested or annoyed when you’re talking, or if they tease you in a mean-spirited way. Also, they’re probably not interested if they talk about other love interests in front of you.
- Avoid approaching a crush who is already in a relationship, as this is just likely to cause unpleasant drama.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  Connell Barrett
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}
Dating Advice: Remember, someone who likes you should never make you feel bad about yourself, If your crush does that, you should focus your attention on someone who builds you up, instead.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Finding the Right Time

1
Try to tell your crush sooner rather than later. Once you’ve decided that you’re going to tell your crush you like them, try to make your move quickly. The longer you wait, the harder it will be, and the more you’re likely to overthink it.^{[6]
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- Even if your crush says no, telling them sooner will give you a chance to move on more quickly. If they say yes, you can move on to your relationship faster!
- If you’re having trouble working up the courage to tell them, set a deadline for yourself and write it on your calendar.^{[7]
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2
Try to pick a time when the other person isn’t busy, stressed, or tired. Even if your crush likes you back, it can come as a big emotional surprise to hear that you have feelings for them. If the person you’re like is already dealing with a lot, that can be an overwhelming conversation to have. Before you confess your feelings, ask your crush how they’re doing. If it sounds like they’re stressed out or exhausted, it’s probably better to wait for another day.^{[8]
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- For instance, if you know your crush has a big presentation coming up, they’re starting a new job, they’re not feeling well, or they were up late studying, be considerate and give them a little space.
3
Wait until it’s just the two of you alone. If you tell your crush you like them in front of all of their friends, they might feel embarrassed or put on the spot. To avoid that, try to find a time when the two of you can have a private conversation. Either invite them to meet you somewhere, ask them to walk with you, or approach them when they’re on their own.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.}^{[10]
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- If you’re both hanging out in a big group, for instance, you might say something like, “Hey Jess, I’m going to grab a drink and I wanted to talk to you for a sec. Wanna come?” By keeping it casual, you can help put them at ease.
- You could also text your crush with something like, “Wait for me after your last class and I’ll walk you home.” That way, you’ll have some time to talk, but you’re not springing your feelings on them during their school day.
4
Call or text the other person if you're too shy to tell them in person.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} If having a face-to-face conversation seems nerve-wracking, you might want to consider calling or texting your crush. Get your crush's number, then send them a text asking if they have a minute to talk. If they're free, give them a call or send them a straightforward text letting them know your feelings.^{[12]
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- This can help take some of the pressure off of the other person, too, since they won't have to come up with an answer right away.
- The same rules apply to a phone call or text conversation as an in-person chat. Try to make sure you have the other person's undivided attention, and avoid telling them how you feel while they're feeling stressed out or tired.
5
Try video chatting if you have a long-distance crush.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} If there's someone you really like but you don't have the chance to see them often, try asking them to video chat! There are a number of apps available that will allow you to have a face-to-face conversation, as long as you have a cell phone with a front-facing camera or a computer with a webcam.^{[14]
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- Some of the more popular options for video chatting include Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, or FaceTime if you both have an iPhone or Mac.
6
Give yourself an escape plan. Don’t spring your feelings on your crush if you’re both going to be stuck in close proximity for a long time. That could lead to a really drawn out, awkward experience for both of you if they don’t share your feelings. Also, make sure you plan to give your crush a little space to think about things before answering.^{[15]
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- For instance, it’s probably not a good idea to tell someone you like them at the beginning of a long car ride, since neither of you will have the option of walking away if things feel uncomfortable.
Ready to tell your crush how you feel? Check out How to Confess to Your Crush for advice!

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do I tell someone that I like them?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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Wait until a time where you're alone and have some time together. Start off with some casual conversation before telling them directly. If they respond positively, try asking them out on a date.
Question

I like this boy im scared he might reject me what can a 14 yr old do?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

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It's better to put yourself out there and be rejected than to miss out on a chance because you were too afraid to try!
Question

I was talking to a girl and we left and I need to know what to tell her

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

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Just be honest and straightforward - try something like, "I really enjoyed hanging out with you, and I like you a lot. I'd like to get to know you better. Would you like to go out with me?"