How to Make a Guy Feel Sorry

Co-authored by Crista Beck

Last Updated: April 28, 2022 References

Sometimes, it is not always possible to make someone feel a certain way. However, there are a few things you can do to make someone realize they messed up and regret their decisions. This article will show you a few ways on how you can make a guy feel sorry for what he did. It will also give you a few tips on how to help him understand what he did wrong and how to get an apology out of him.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Making the Guy Miss You

1
Avoid the guy to a certain extent. Don't talk to him, look at him, or smile at him. If he sends you a casual text, such as "hey babe," do not reply. He may start to miss you, and if he knows what he did wrong, he may start to feel sorry that he ever did so. On the other hand, if the guy asks you what is wrong or what he did, use this opportunity to tell him. He may not realize that he did something wrong, and he may genuinely feel sorry when he finds out.
2
Make him feel your detachment when you have to interact. Sometimes, it is not possible to avoid the guy, especially if you work together, are taking classes together, or are living together. What you can do, however, is make him miss the person you used to be, as well as the warmth, love, and cheerfulness you reserved for him. When he talks to you, stay neutral and give him polite but short answers. Don’t respond the way you used to; instead, act like you would with an acquaintance. This may make him sorry that you two aren’t talking the way you used to.

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3
Spend your time with other people. If you used to be friends with the guy, consider spending time with other friends instead. If you share the same group of friends and often hang out together (such as at the lunch table at school), then talk only to your other friends. Keep in mind, however, that this might also alert your other friends that something is wrong, and they may or may not support you.
4
Consider dating other people. If you have broke up with the guy, consider going out on dates with other people. This does not mean that you have to enter another relationship, especially if you are not ready for one. If the guy sees you enjoying yourself with other men, he might start to feel jealous. If he knows what he did wrong, he might start to regret it.
- Do not date other people if you are still in a relationship or if you are not ready to date other people.
- If you are not ready to date other people, try flirting with other guys instead, especially where your ex can see.
5
Consider getting rid of some of the items he gave to you. If he gave you some flowers the week before the offense, consider giving them away or tossing them out. If you have a picture he gave you that you usually keep in your locker, get rid of that picture—especially if there is a chance that he might see it. This might send the guy the message that he hurt you, and he might start to feel guilty for what he did.
- Getting rid of the things your guy gave you might also help you feel better, especially if this is after a breakup.^{[1]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Becoming Independent

1
Show the guy that you don't need him. Guys like to feel like they are needed. If you show a guy that you don't need him to be happy or get by, his pride will take a dent. He might even realize that he messed up somewhere. He may not apologize, but he may at least try to make things up to you.
2
Have fun without the guy, especially if you recently broke up with him. If your guy believed that he was the sole reason for your happiness, this could be especially effective. Go to a concert, a club, or a theme park. Let him see you having fun and enjoying yourself without him. If he sees how happy you can be without him, he may feel sorry for doing what he did to lose you.
- Don't sulk when you are not around him. He might take that as a sign that you are missing him. Instead, act cheerful. Laugh, smile, and be social.
- If you are in a relationship with the guy, do this with caution. He might suspect that you are cheating on him, which can make things worse.
- If you recently broke up with the guy, going out and doing something that you enjoy might help you feel better.
3
Show off your strengths where he can see them. For example, if you are a good dancer, go dancing where he will be but dance with other guys instead. He will see your talents and miss them. He will also start to miss you too and might regret hurting you.
4
Continue dressing up when you go out alone. If you used to dress up for your man, continue doing it even you are not going out with him. He sees you looking nice for other people, he may start to feel jealous and less special. If your man knows what he did wrong to make you so upset, he may feel sorry he ever did it.
- If you never dressed up in the past, consider doing so when you go out by yourself. Only do this if you feel comfortable doing so.
5
Build a new world that he can see but not join. This might take a while, but it might show the guy that you don't need him to be happy. In turn, he might realize that he messed up and feel sorry for it. Try to find some new interests and friends. Visit new places and try new things. Post about it on social media, bring your new friends to parties he is at, or talk about the things you are doing when you see him again.^{[2]
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6
Do not take revenge lightly. Seeking revenge and finding ways to make him suffer might be tempting, especially if his offense was serious (such as cheating). Unfortunately, revenge usually ends poorly for both parties. Sometimes, revenge can go too far and land you in trouble. Instead of physical revenge, try emotional revenge, such as spending time with other people (especially males), or having fun without him. Ignore him, and keep your attitude cold and reserved when you must speak with him.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Communicating with Him

1
Try talking with the guy instead. Some guys do not take hints, verbal or physical; they need to be sat down and spoken to. Sometimes, this is the only way a guy will understand that he messed up and hurt you. Once he understands that he hurt you, he may feel sorry. This section will give you a few tips on how to talk to the guy and get him to understand what he did wrong.
- Give yourself plenty of time to think what you are feeling and why. What boundary of yours was crossed? What behavior of his was unacceptable?^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
2
Set up a time to talk with the guy. Talking about serious matters at the wrong time can only make things worse. For example, if you or the guy are in a bad mood, the conversation is less likely to go smoothly. If the guy is busy doing something, he may not pay attention to you, and he may not remember the conversation later on. Instead, let the guy know that you need to talk to him, and try to set up a time and date when the two of you can talk without distractions.
3
Do not enter conversation when you are feeling emotional or in a bad mood. This can only make things worse. You might find yourself saying the wrong things, or taking things the wrong way. Try to enter the conversation with a calm, level mind.^{[4]
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Expert Source

Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
4
Get to the point quickly but do not jump to accusations. For example, instead of saying "You were a huge jerk when you made fun of my figure, you know that?" try telling him that "Your jokes about my figure the other day really hurt my feelings." If you start accusing the guy right of the bat, he may start feeling defensive and stop paying attention to what you are saying.
- Focus on how his actions impacted you and what you didn't appreciate or accept about the situation.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
5
Stay on topic. Do not bring up any previous offenses, no matter how angry or upset you are. If you start bringing up part arguments, he may start accusing you of the things you did in the past. This will result in a verbal tennis match of who did what and not get you anywhere. Some guys may also find it more difficult to apologize when they are being accused of too many things at once.^{[7]
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- Some guys might be hesitant to apologize because they are afraid that might get accused for other things right afterwards. Thus, it is important to stay on topic.^{[8]
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6
Act open-minded and listen to the guy. If he feels sympathy from you, he might be more likely to feel sorry. If he feels overly-accused by you, he might be more likely to feel defensive. This does not mean that you should accept or forgive his offenses; some things, such as cheating, are always wrong. At the same time, it might be worth listening to him. He might be feeling just as hurt as you are.
- If the guy mentions that you hurt him too, try not to take offense, or your conversation might turn into an argument instead with both parties feeling angry instead of sorry.
- Some guys might be hesitant to apologize if they feel like they have to take sole responsibility for the offense. Even if it really is all his fault, try hard not to make it seem that way.^{[9]
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7
Don't force an apology. Sometimes, the harder you force something, the more resistant it becomes. For example, some guys find it patronizing when someone depends an apology from them. As a result, they become even more reluctant to apologize for what they did. Instead, just explain to the guy that what he did hurt you. Most guys do not like to see those that they care for hurt. He may apologize in his own way.
- You can't force someone to make an apology, especially if they aren't making an effort with you.^{[10]
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  Expert Source
  
  Crista Beck
  Dating Coach & Matchmaker
  Expert Interview. 26 August 2021.}
8
Know that not all apologies are verbal. Men tend to find it difficult to say "sorry." Instead, look for physical apologies. Some of the more charming guys might apologize with a bouquet of flowers, but others might apologize with smaller things. Take a look around and try to notice them. For example, did he finally fix that cabinet you were complaining about? If your guy is a gamer, did he skip out on that high-level raid just to spend time with you?^{[11]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you make someone realize their mistakes?

Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Crista Beck is a Dating and Relationship Coach and Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping people become open to love and find a partner. Crista has been featured in numerous media sources such as ABC, NBC, Fox, and TEDx. She is also the author of the book, Break The Glass Slipper: Free Yourself from Fairy Tale Fantasies and Find True Love in Real Life. Crista holds a BS in Communication Studies with a focus on Interpersonal Communication from The University of Texas at Austin.

Crista Beck

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Be assertive, calm, and direct without coming across as aggressive or demanding. Once you've said your piece, give them time to respond. If they still don't understand what they did wrong, re-approach the conversation later.
Question

How do you talk to a guy when you're upset?

Crista Beck
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Crista Beck is a Dating and Relationship Coach and Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping people become open to love and find a partner. Crista has been featured in numerous media sources such as ABC, NBC, Fox, and TEDx. She is also the author of the book, Break The Glass Slipper: Free Yourself from Fairy Tale Fantasies and Find True Love in Real Life. Crista holds a BS in Communication Studies with a focus on Interpersonal Communication from The University of Texas at Austin.

Crista Beck

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Give yourself plenty of time to calm down first. Wait until you've processed your feelings and are feeling calm before you talk to him about what's on your mind.

Warnings

Make sure you don't try to act too indifferent because then he might move on.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
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It is not always possible to make someone feel a certain way. Sometimes, people just won't feel sorry no matter what. This might lead to a poisonous relationship, and the best thing to do is to leave. You have to take care of you emotional health first and foremost, after all.^{[12]
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