How to Perform a Lap Dance for Your Boyfriend or Husband

Co-authored by William Orrock

Last Updated: February 3, 2023 Approved

What better way to spice things up in the bedroom with your boyfriend or hubby than with a sexy lap dance? If you're not really sure what you're doing though, don't worry. Performing a sexy, erotic lap dance that your partner will love is actually way easier than you'd think, and we've got all the best tips. Try out some of the moves below, and your partner will be begging for more.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Preparing

1
Establish some basic rules. You are in charge.^{[1]
X
Research source} Take your time, take control, and take pleasure in teasing them. Remind your partner of these:
- At no point during your entire performance is your partner allowed to touch you. You can touch, lick, rub and caress him all you want but play it cool. A slow seduction is a sure recipe for lap dancing success. The whole point of a lap dance is to drive your partner crazy with anticipation and desire.
- If they reach out in your direction or starts to grind back, slap their wrist and let them know that if they do it again, the dance is over, no exceptions.
2
Get comfortable in your body. In order to perform and enjoy the lap dance you must feel comfortable with your body. You won’t look sexy if you don’t feel sexy. Accept and enjoy yourself regardless of your shape or size. Anyone can perform a great striptease or lap dance regardless of whether they’re shy or feel their body is not the "perfect shape". It’s all about attitude. Not all lap dancers have supermodel figures, they just behave like they do. This is your time to be seductive, to nurture and release your sensual spirit. Drop your inhibitions and throw caution to the wind.
3
Choose an outfit that makes you feel hot and sexy; the rest will follow. There’s a wide variety to choose from. From erotic dance-wear to bras, panties, garter-belts, stockings, chemises, robes, teddies, swimsuits, club-wear, fetish-wear, over-sized button-up shirts and so much more. The key is to build up a collection of layers that are easy to remove. Be daring, you’re performing a tease, so a bit of flesh is essential.
- Start by selecting underwear first as these items will be the last to come off. A sexy bra, g-string, stockings (stay-ups are easier to work with) and perhaps suspenders.
- Panties should frame your cheeks while the back of your panties should reach too high over your cheeks. Try full bottomed panties, thongs, g-strings and booty shorts to see which works best for you. Panties that leave lines on your body after you take them off are probably too tight and should be avoided.
- Thigh high stockings worn with or without garters are a sexy addition to almost any outfit. Try a pair that’s one size smaller for sexier movement. If you plan to keep your stockings and garter on for the duration of your dance, wear your panties on the outside of the straps so that they can be removed without having to unhook your garters.
- For the top layers, try a pair of hot pants, an innocent sheer robe, sexy teacher/student uniform, be a dominatrix, or for something different, a classic red or black evening dress with some retro lingerie underneath.
- Avoid corsets or clothing that’s too tight and difficult to slip out of. Clothing with zips at the back or many straps that take time to put on will of course be difficult to remove.
- For shoes, high heels and stilettos usually work best with any outfit. They make your legs look toned, sleek, and longer. Even if they’re slightly uncomfortable, give them a try because you won’t be wearing them for long anyway. If you can’t walk in heels, rather wear something you’re comfortable in. If all else fails in the shoe department, go barefoot and try the Barefoot Strut.
- Remove as much as you are comfortable with. You may choose to end up totally nude, topless, in sexy lingerie, a lacy gown or remain fully clothed. Your lover however must remain fully clothed.
- If your choose shoes with buckles, consider how you’ll remove your clothing without taking off your shoes. Stretchy clothing or flowing dresses can be taken off over your shoes, but check first. If all else fails in the shoe department, the bare-foot stripper strut (on your tip toes) is also very hot.
- If you’re doing it in heels, don’t take them off (except to remove stockings - or better yet, keep your stockings on). Perhaps put the heels back on once the stockings are off. Strapless shoes can be removed more gracefully than shoes with straps or buckles.
- If you chose something that needs to be removed by slipping it over your head, seductively slip it off by pulling it from the bottom on the sides while standing up tall, don't hunch over.
- A shirt with buttons can be a very sexy item of clothing to remove. Play peek-a-boob with each side. When you’ve undone the last button, turn around posing at an angle, expose your one shoulder then the other and then let it slip down to the floor.
- Tight trousers or jeans can be difficult to remove. A pencil skirt can easily be unzipped and pushed down Do this while bending forward with your back or side to him and then step out of it. Skirts can be removed with your shoes and stockings on.
- Practice removing your stockings ahead of time. For extra balance (and teasing), place your toes between his legs or on the arm of his chair while you push each stocking down - or slowly roll or fold them down the length of your leg.
- Don’t forget to tease. For beginners, take your time with each layer. Pull your skirt up or your underwear down a few inches before removing. Tuck a thumb or two into the sides of your trousers, skirt or underwear, lower the item of clothing slightly and tease.
- Push your bra straps off your shoulders before turning away to unclasp. A classic stripper routine is to hold the bra against your breasts, turn around with your back towards your man and drop your bra on the floor or, when standing with your back to him, hold your bra by the straps above your head before dropping it onto the floor. Keep the heat up by keeping your arm and hand over your breasts then slowly turn around and slide your hand across and away from your breasts for a sexy reveal.
- When taking your bottoms off, try slipping them off over your shoes or bare feet while standing straight-legged. Do this by bending over from the waist and guiding them off all the way to the floor and then stepping out of them. If this isn't easy for you, try bending your knees or taking your bottoms off while lying on your back. Don’t squat down too low…
- Don’t get completely naked until the very end — and even then, tease him with a back view until he can’t take it anymore.
4
Select sensual songs that you both enjoy. Think smooth and seductive. Avoid songs with high pitched vocals. The crooners and divas of the 60s are a good place to start if you want something romantic. A sensual rhythm or beat will guide you through your dance. It's best if you can relate to the music and feel comfortable moving to its beat. Start by setting aside 2 or 3 songs.
- Song one is for the warm-up. This is your time to lead your partner to the chair, strut about, pose, explain the rules to your lover and begin to slowly ease into your seductive performance.
5
Don't feel pressured to start at the beginning of the song. Take your time, start when you're ready, walk around your lover, touch him, drag your fingers through his hair and feel the beat.
6
By setting aside a selection of 2 or 3 songs, you won't feel pressured to rush because the song is coming to an end. You’re free to decide, short ‘n sweet or long & languishing. You'll probably find yourself deep in the throes of passion by the end of it so consider choosing a dozen songs and enjoy the fun at the end.
- If possible, burn all the songs onto a CD or set them as a play-list on your portable music player. Don’t stop to change CDs.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Preforming the Lap Dance

1
Take your time. For beginners, you may want to start out by taking your time, work your way into a seductive groove. Close your eyes, feel the music, enter the trance and begin to sway. Try setting aside 30 minutes or so a day before to get familiar with your clothes, your body, the poses and the moves. Dance on your feet and on the floor. These may be things you’ve never done before. Try sliding down a wall and then back up. Walk around on the tips of your toes.
- On the floor, try opening and closing your legs or leaning your knees from one side to the other. Experiment with different angles. Sit on a chair. Caress your thighs, your neck, your belly your feet. Close your legs and then open them using your hands to part your thighs. Re-discover your body. Close your eyes if you’re shy.
- If you feel uncomfortable ‘dancing’ think of your performance as a slow aerobics session. Stretch, bend, split. Use your hands, stretch them out to the sides, and stroke your outstretched arm with the tips of your fingers. If you’ve practiced martial arts, yoga or Pilates, modify the posses that you’re familiar with to create your very own sexy moves.
- Think of your dance as a Tai Chi session at the gym. Slow movements and a general sense of well-being.
2
Seduce your lover with passionate looks. Your expression will reflect those sexy thoughts you have in mind and intensify the sexual tension in the air. Look at your body, touch it, enjoy it and then look at your lover drawing his eyes to yours and to your body. Maintain eye contact at all times. If your back is turned to your partner, glance over your shoulder.
3
Add a few accessories to your dance routine, items that you enjoy playing with. You’re doing this for your pleasure too. A blindfold will help keep your lover's senses alert - itching to know what will come next. You could also use a soft feather to brush up against your lover’s body or yours. Sit on a chair and while holding your body upright and tall, slide your feet and legs apart and slowly brush yourself from your neck to the inside of your thigh. Tease him with a shawl or a silky wrap or use it to cover up if you feel more comfortable being a little less exposed.
- If you’re wearing a button up shirt, consider also wearing a tie. Loop it around his neck to pull him closer to your face or cleavage or tie his hands up with it if he breaks the no touching rule.
- If you’re the kind of person that likes to be naughty, have your favorite toy at hand for your pleasure and his torture.
- Use your hair. While standing up, kneeling, or sitting, stretch your torso while you pull your hair up and let it fall again. Use it to brush up against him.
- Try placing a cube in your mouth and run it along your lover's body or brush it across your nipples to set them firm.
- Your lips and your eyes are powerful seduction accessories. Try the classic pout or smile. Play with facial expressions.
- With a bit of practice, a hat, scarf, cane or rider’s crop can be used in sexually seductive ways.
4
Create the perfect atmosphere. Dim the lights, perfume the air and light some candles. Mix candlelight with floor lamps or fairy lights. candlelight adds a soft, warm glow to your body. Indirect lighting is both flattering and more intimate. Avoid fluorescent or white LED lights.
- See that your room temperature is comfortable - feeling too cold or too hot will distract you.
- Turn off all possible distractions – TV and mobile phones etc.
5
Clear the space where you’ll be dancing so you don’t bump into anything.
- Check that the chair your lover will be sitting on can accommodate the both of you. Sit on it and imagine yourself in his position and then you on his lap.
6
Send him a seductive text message or e-mail with a cryptic clue of what’s to come later in the evening. The invitation will set his mind alight and prolong the torture across an entire day. Alternatively, spring it on him as a surprise. Either way, you’ll need to spend a some time setting the scene and calming your nerves if it’s your first time.
7
Start the music and lead your lover to the chair.^{[2]
X
Research source} Have him sit with his legs closed. Start by staring him straight in the eye with a teasing smile on your face. Walk around your lover, touch him, drag your fingers through his hair and feel the beat. Strut about, pose, and explain the rules to your lover.^{[3]
X
Research source} Begin to slowly ease into your seductive performance.
8
Alternate between looking at him and looking down at your body, touching yourself as you move your hands down or across your body. Run your fingers through your hair, down your neck, your chest then down to your hips and around your butt. As you move your hands across your body imagine your hands are his hands. Enjoy the touch of your (his) hands on your body. Keeping your hands in contact with your body let them ride up your sides and back towards the nape of your neck. Look him in the eye and try a slow and gentle head roll (head falls forward and then rolls back up), letting your hair fall at the same time.
9
Then try a few hip circles.^{[4]
X
Research source} Move towards him so your crotch is almost against his knee then lean in like you're going to kiss him for just long enough that he can smell your perfume then pull away.
10
Stand several steps in front of your partner. Think sexy and feel sexy. Begin moving your hips to the music in a soft circular motion. Close your eyes for a few seconds and enjoy the moment. There's no-one around, just you and your lover. Take your time, then, slowly step towards your partner, one foot in front of the other, cat-walk style. When you're near enough, take your lap dance to the next level.
11
Try the lap dance grind, swaying between your partner's legs, bumping and grinding your body against his crotch. Turn around and position yourself between your lover’s legs. Bend down to sit on his lap and grind your bottom slowly (and gently) into his lap.
12
Move away, pose and begin removing an item of clothing. Seductively and gradually remove another item or two of clothing (perhaps your skirt or hot-pants) then move back towards your partner again. Get so close you'll practically be sitting on your lover's lap. Sensually lean in towards your lover's ear breathing your hot breath over it, let out a soft aching moan. Softly nibble or brush against his neck, breathing your lover in as if you were getting high off his scent.
13
Try a few seductive floor moves. Keep eye contact and keep caressing yourself from different angles and perspectives. Move into the crawl and then mount him again for another grinding session.
14
Throughout your lap dance, continue caressing yourself and don’t stay too close to your partner for too long. Move away for brief moments. Remember that eye contact is very important. Let your eyes transmit all those sexy thoughts and don’t forget to smile.
- Use your surroundings. Lean your back against a wall and writhe, or slide down into a squat and up again. Use a spare chair. Straddle it backwards or sit in it sideways to remove your stockings with pointed foot in the air, one at a time.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Trying Different Techniques

1
Tease him. If you’re feeling a little bit naughty and cruel, move back towards him like you’re about to take him with all the passion you can muster but instead lean over him, kiss him on the cheek, move back and gracefully put your clothes back on. Then move on to another part of the house or go for a walk.
2
Experiment with lap dancing. Try it a few times with different outfits, routines and music and you’ll soon become an expert in the sexiest dance of all. The possibilities are endless and the results are always great.
- The key to a successful strip tease is in the layering of your clothes and how you remove them one layer at a time.
3
At the end of the dance, take off all of your clothes and tell him that your body is his for a set amount of time. He'll love how much of a tease you are. Although, you should go as naked as you're comfortable with, you don't need to take it all off to have him going wild for you. It's better to remove a few layers confidently and leave the rest to his imagination than to end off feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I get better at rolling my hips when I dance?

William Orrock
Professional Dancer & Instructor
William Orrock is a Professional Dancer, Instructor, Group Fitness Instructor, and the Owner of We Evolve Dance. With more than 22 years of experience, he specializes in performance, social dancing instruction, competitive dance preparation, and wedding choreography. William holds a Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Dance with a minor in Choreography from Universidad Las Americas-Chile and a second minor in Acting from Foothill College Acting Conservatory. He is also a national champion in Latin American Dancing, a former dancer for Dancing with the Stars Chile, and a certified judge for ballroom competitions.

William Orrock

Professional Dancer & Instructor

Expert Answer

You can get better at rolling the hips by practicing slowly making a "figure 8" with your pelvis. When you roll your hips, focus on moving them side to side. Stick to swinging your hips in rotations that are between the width of your shoulders. Also remember to tilt your pelvis forward and backward to get a better feeling for all the different directions that your hips can move in.
Question

How do I choose the right songs for my dance routine?

William Orrock
Professional Dancer & Instructor
William Orrock is a Professional Dancer, Instructor, Group Fitness Instructor, and the Owner of We Evolve Dance. With more than 22 years of experience, he specializes in performance, social dancing instruction, competitive dance preparation, and wedding choreography. William holds a Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Dance with a minor in Choreography from Universidad Las Americas-Chile and a second minor in Acting from Foothill College Acting Conservatory. He is also a national champion in Latin American Dancing, a former dancer for Dancing with the Stars Chile, and a certified judge for ballroom competitions.

William Orrock

Professional Dancer & Instructor

Expert Answer

Think about songs that are meaningful to you and your partner. Remember—these songs don't have to be popular hits. Just focus on what stirs your heart and brings up good memories. It's also a wonderful idea to choose songs that help you "feel the rhythm" and that you feel confident about dancing to.
Question

What if I get so overwhelmed with a touch from him that I let him keep doing it?

Community Answer

If you want him to touch you more, let him. If you feel uncomfortable, tell him to stop.