How to Pick Up Men

Co-authored by Michele Fields

Last Updated: August 20, 2021 References

According to most men, picking up a guy is easy to do and they like it. Men say that they like it if a girl is bold enough to make the first move. Men typically are attracted to women who know how to dress cute, classy, and a little sexy. For example, guys like dresses, simple jewelry, heels, and they are big on women smelling good. Learn how to approach a guy and break the ice, and then find out how to dive into a fun conversation that hopefully results in his number. If he isn’t into it, remember that trying will make you better at picking up a guy the next time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Looking Good

1
Wear something classy but fun. Guys like girls who look well put together but not so perfect that they are unapproachable. Guys don’t like too much jewelry but if you wear pretty earrings, paired with a cute and simple dress with flats or well fitting jeans and a simple black blouse with heels, guys will be attracted to your style. Add a smile and your outfit will be perfect.
- Consider wearing a necklace that will highlight your collar bones. Guys like it when girls flirt with them by touching their neck, and wearing a simple necklace is an easy way to attract attention to your collarbones and neck.
- Make sure your clothes are clean and ironed. Choosing what you are going to wear the night before will help keep you on top of washing your clothes when needed.
- Wear one piece of clothing that is a little sexy. Guys like it when girls know how to be a little sexy while not going overboard, for example, wear tight jeans with a loose fitting top.
2
Wash your face and use a facial moisturizer daily. A lot of your natural beauty can be hidden if your skin is acting up, and it can ruin your confidence with it. Wash your face every night and morning with a face wash with acne medication if needed. Follow it up with a light face moisturizer. Your skin will appear softer and have more of a glow if you keep it healthy.
- Using an exfoliating face wash once a week is a great way to get rid of dead skin and make your skin brighter and prettier.
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3
Wear mascara, lip gloss, concealer, and face powder. Guys like light and natural makeup. Makeup should just enhance your features, so keep it simple. Widen and brighten your eyes by applying a coat of your favorite black or brown-black mascara to your upper lashes. Apply a tinted lip gloss that gives your lips a little color and keeps them moisturized before you go out and again before you talk with the guy. If you have blemishes, bags under your eyes, or other skin imperfections, apply a stick or liquid concealer to your trouble spots that is a shade lighter than your skin. Gently blend it in well with the tips of your fingers. Then finish it off with a translucent face powder, especially if you have oily skin.
- You can apply a little bit of tinted lip gloss to your cheeks to give them a little color and sheen.
4
Smell good around him. Guys often talk about how much they like a girl who smells good. Smelling good starts with showering daily. You don’t have to wash your hair every time you shower. Put your hair up in a cap or in a towel wrap while you shower and wash your body. Use a good smelling body wash or bar, and wash with a washcloth or loofah that lathers the soap up well.
- Apply a good smelling deodorant every morning before you leave your house. Then apply it again in the middle of the day, after you have done something that has made you sweat, and/or before you go out at night.
- Find your signature fragrance. You can use a body wash or a perfume. Use it in the morning and again before you go out at night. Spritz your fragrance once on your wrist and rub your wrists together, once on your neck or collarbone area and spread the perfume with your wrist on your neck or chest, and then spritz it once in your hair. You might want to keep a small bottle in your purse or car to reapply if you don’t have a chance to go home and freshen up during the day.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Breaking the Ice

1
Catch the guy’s attention. Position yourself somewhere where you are near him, and look approachable. If you can get him to come over to you, all the better. Look for a seat where he can see you or a spot where you can stand or sit that is a little bit out of the way but still in his line of sight. Then if he is looking at you, you can tell that is what he is doing. Play with your hair, glance his direction, or talk to someone near him to get his attention.
- Don’t go overboard with the hair touching or eye contact- that could make you seem desperate for his attention.
- A touch, a smile, or any kind of general flirting will work.
2
Get caught looking at him for a second. Then find something that keeps you a little bit busy. You can look at your phone once in awhile, flip through a menu, or chat casually with someone near you, but don’t appear as though you are unavailable. And then make a point of returning his gaze when he looks over at you. Hold eye contact for a second or two longer than usual, blink softly, and then flash him a little smile and look away.^{[1]
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Research source} This might prompt him to come over and say hello to you first.
- If the guy doesn't make eye contact, he probably isn't interested.
3
Make the first move. ^{[2]
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Research source} If he doesn’t approach you, that is fine. Don’t be afraid to take a chance- guys like girls who are willing to make the first move. You should walk up to him, initiate eye contact, and say a friendly "Hello." Then ask him a question, or give him a compliment. Don't be afraid to smile -- chances are, he is probably nervous too. Then, go ahead and introduce yourself.
- You can keep the question simple and let the conversation go from there. For example, you could ask him, “What drink would you recommend here?”
- Try complimenting him on his hair, facial features (e.g. eyes), or sense of style. For example, you could say something like, “Nice watch, I like your sense of style.” Keep it casual and understated, but make it clear that you are interested in him.
4
Believe in your own theories for how to pick up men. Some guys like girls who are more subtle and aloof while others like the complete opposite. You are your own person on top of all of this, and you have strengths that you may be able to employ better using your own theories. If you have any impulses for how you should make your moves, go with your gut. Every environment is different and you will be the best judge of the situation. Once you have done it a couple of times, think about what has worked and hasn’t worked, and keep trying with your improved techniques.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Talking with Him

1
Start a conversation with him like you know him already. Don’t act like you are strangers, instead, be friendly, warm and comfortable with him. Pretend like he is your friend and start a conversation casually. Guys like girls who seem relaxed and fun because it puts them at ease. Talk at your normal speed and tone that you use to talk to your friends. When you talk to your friends, listen to how you sound, and look for the kinds of gestures you make when you are talking naturally. Try to do the same thing around him.
- Don’t be overly fascinated by everything that he says and keep your cool. Guys like girls who have their own thing going on. If you can stay engaged with him while showing that you are your own person, this confidence will attract him to you more. Try not to make eye contact where your eyes are really wide open while you are talking with him. This may make you appear desperate or clingy.
- Because you are getting to know him for the first time, don’t worry about telling him everything about you in the first night. You want to concentrate on the fluency of the conversation and not the accuracy of everything you are saying. You want to tell him some interesting and cool things about you, but the main point of the conversation is to keep things between you lively and interesting.
- Pay attention to his responses. If he replies to your questions with short, curt answers, then he probably isn't interested.
2
Be playful and show your sense of humor to him. Find something in your environment that you can make a funny comment about. For example, if you have waited a long time for your drinks you can say something silly like, “So do you think we should just ditch this place?" Simple remarks like this can keep the conversation light hearted, and that is good for picking up a guy. Guys find playfulness attractive in women, and it will give you something to bond over. ^{[3]
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Research source}
- This playfulness can help make the conversation low pressure for the guy.
- Even if you don’t think of yourself as a funny person, you can still be playful by exaggerating in conversation.
- Practice being funny with your friends, and make little humorous remarks on your environment or what is going on with you.
3
Flirt with him using your body language. Guys find it attractive when women touch their neck and hair while they talk. You can tilt your head to the side and make eye contact while you smile to show him you are interested. Women also flirt by positioning their bodies when they laugh so that they show off their best features. Another way to flirt and show your sexual interest is if you look at him with your upper eyelids partly lowered and smile, the classic Marilyn Monroe look. This look is particularly seductive to guys.^{[4]
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Research source} As the night goes on, maintain your eye contact longer, stay close by his side, and let your hands touch if you are walking side by side.
- If you want to break the initial touch barrier, you can lightly touch his forearm when you are talking.
4
Act open and genuinely interested in him. Use active listening in your conversation with him. Maintain eye contact, smile and nod along to the things he says. Then ask questions related to what he is saying, and paraphrase the important things to show him that you are interested in the things he is talking about. People like it when they feel like you really care about the things they say and think. At the same time, be transparent with your intentions if you are just looking for a fling, and let him know that before you go too far that you are interested in a casual hook-up.
- Keep your interests in others as well. Don’t become completely absorbed into him. Check in with your friends, and any people you were engaged with before.
- Read what kind of guy he is. When you are actively listening, you can pick up on his vibes. Does he seem to like to lead the conversation or does he seem to like to listen? Depending on what kind of guy he is, you may want to let him talk more, or you can talk more.
5
Act appropriately, and don’t get sloppy. If you find yourself liking him a lot, don’t drink too much or become too excited by your conversation. You might regret some of the things you say or do if you don’t take a break and cool down. For example, if you find yourself laughing an unnatural amount or drinking too fast, leave for a bathroom break. Try to calm down by splashing water on your face, talking to yourself, or texting a friend.
- You might want to make a clean break so as to not regret anything later. So make a plan for how much longer you want the conversation to go and how much more you can drink, and then stick to it.
6
End the conversation and ask for his number. After you have made good connections with him by listening to him attentively, joking with him, and talking to him like a friend, leave the conversation before the conversation naturally wears out. Tell him positive things about your time talking, and then ask for his contact information. Say something like, “I really liked talking to you- can I have your number? I would love to keep talking more.”
- Send him a text message in the next couple of days and see where it goes.
- If he doesn’t want to keep talking, don’t worry. Making the first move and talking to a guy you like is good experience, and it will help your conversational and flirting skills so that you are even better the next time you chat with a guy you like.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it good to make the first move?

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Michele Fields is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Owner of Bon Jour Matchmaking based in Denver, Colorado. With over thirty years of experience, she specializes in helping others meet people and navigate dating and relationships. Michele has created over 300 marriages and has been featured on Denver ABC News, The Rocky Mountain News, Colorado 2 News, Denver Westworld, and The Denver Post.

Michele Fields

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Well, you can rest assured! Men LOVE when a girl makes the first move! If he is showing signs of interest, give it a shot, for sure!
Question

Does making a guy jealous work?

Michele Fields
Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Michele Fields is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Owner of Bon Jour Matchmaking based in Denver, Colorado. With over thirty years of experience, she specializes in helping others meet people and navigate dating and relationships. Michele has created over 300 marriages and has been featured on Denver ABC News, The Rocky Mountain News, Colorado 2 News, Denver Westworld, and The Denver Post.

Michele Fields

Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It can work if you want to play hard. Whatever you do, don't try to make him jealous through text, as the more you interact back and forth, the more he knows he's got you. Believe me, just "disappear" and that will do the trick.

Warnings

Don't ignore warning signals or "bad vibes." Go with your gut and leave a guy if a guy starts to come off aggressive or is making you feel uncomfortable.

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Going out with a group of more than two women can lower your chances of picking up a man.

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