How to Play It Cool After the First Date

Co-authored by John Keegan and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: February 6, 2023 References

You just went on a date with someone you really vibed with, and all you want to do is talk to them more and figure out when you're going to see them again. At the same time, you want to play it cool and avoid coming on too strong so you don't ruin a good thing before it even starts. We've all been there! Fortunately, it's possible to play it cool after a first date and still show the other person that you're interested. Keep reading to learn how to be chill and casual after a date so you have a better chance of scoring a second one.

1

Use one text to say you had a great time.

Avoid double-texting and you’ll come across as casual. All they need is a simple, short message that’s upbeat and positive. Plus, it’ll be easier to focus on just that sweet note. Boost your chances of scoring a second date by sending one direct but thoughtful comment like:^{[1]
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- “I’d never had a matcha mojito before! 🍵 Thank you for such a fun night!”
- “You’re such a sparkling conversationalist! ✨ I look forward to more chats.”
- “That rose garden was incredible! 🍃 I wonder what else you have in store for us.”

2

Put your phone away.

You won’t overthink the date, and you won’t gush too much. Hide your device in a place where you won’t see or hear any notifications, like a drawer. You can also just turn it off. Then, spend your time on anything that helps you unwind. You’ll give off a mysterious vibe, and whoever you went out with will want to get your attention back.^{[2]
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- Make plans with friends before you turn your phone off, then give them tons of quality time.
- Binge watch your favorite show for the rest of the day.
- Get lost in a book, an art project, or an activity that works up a sweat.

3

Be chill if your date takes a while to respond.

They’ll think you’re too busy to care if they waited a long time. Even if you’re a little disappointed by the delay, don’t act upset. If you come off as needy, it may push them away.^{[3]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 8 April 2021.} Just answer with a great attitude. They’ll be sure you’re chill and low-maintenance.
- Also ask how they’ve been so they can open up about themselves.
- Feel free to bring up a fun new plan. For example, you can mention a local concert.
- Check when they’ll be free next so you learn more about their schedule.

4

Don’t give your date all your time.

Look for room in your schedule and you’ll build anticipation. Play “hard to get” just a little bit—but not too much!—and check when you can hang out again. Get back to them after about 30 minutes or an hour, then give them two or three options. If you avoid giving your date every single day out of the week to work with, they’ll feel more intrigued.^{[4]
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- When you don’t respond right away, they’ll get a rush when you finally reply.
- Your date will be more motivated to lock down a day and chase after you.
- They’ll also imagine how much you’ve got going on and feel special that you’re including them in your life.

5

Skip talks about commitment.

Let everything unfold naturally and you won’t scare your date off. It’s easier to just enjoy the moment when you avoid rushing a relationship. Eventually, the two of you might discuss the future, especially if your dynamic becomes more serious. For now, though, it’s best to focus on what you share in the present moment. Whoever you’re pursuing will feel like you aren’t putting any pressure on them.^{[5]
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- Just celebrate your date for who they are instead of deciding if they’re “the One.”
- Use more low-key language. For example, instead of saying you “adore” your date, tell them something like, “I really like your energy!.”

6

Don’t unpack past relationships.

Prove you’ve moved on and that you don’t obsess over your love life. Your date doesn’t need to hear about how each of your romantic connections ended. If you’re in too much of a good mood to chat about old flings or former partners, you’ll reassure the new person who just stepped into the picture. They’ll know you aren’t stuck on what happened to you and won’t worry about any negativity.^{[6]
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- If you’re still sensitive about “red flags” or patterns to watch out for, you can talk to your support network or a counselor.
- Also steer clear of gushing about exes, too—you don’t want to give your date the sense that you’re on the rebound or holding onto someone else.

7

Avoid coming across as possessive.

Questions about where they’ve been or who they’re with seem clingy. It’s okay if they volunteered the info. If they haven’t, though, hold off on looking too deeply into their life. When you don’t seem really curious about how they spend their time and you don’t ask for exclusivity right away, they’ll respect that you’re so confident in yourself.^{[7]
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- It’s totally normal to either be really busy or to see other people when you’re first dating.
- Your date won’t be concerned that you’ll be bothered by their social life.
- They’ll also feel sure that you won’t analyze their every move if you keep seeing each other.

8

Casually show off the best sides of yourself.

You’ll make a great impression and prove you aren’t nervous. It’s tough for your date to carry the whole conversation and bring all the energy. If you never hint that you’re stressed because you’re always in your element, whoever’s seeing you will remember the most fun parts of your personality.^{[8]
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Research source} People usually find it attractive if someone is able to be at ease and relaxed in any situation.^{[9]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 8 April 2021.}
- Give yourself a little pep talk before you reach out to them again. For example you can say, “I’ve got this! There’s nothing to worry about!”
- Think about what your friends love the most about you—maybe they adore that you’re funny, energetic, or caring—and play up those traits.
- Focus on building a connection rather than impressing your date. If you're constantly trying to be impressive, you may present yourself inauthentically.

9

Mention how independent you are.

Share what you do on your own time and show you don’t need anyone. Talking about a lot of solo activities and personal passions is a great way to put your date at ease. They’ll not only figure out that you won’t have to rely on them, but they’ll also learn so much about you.^{[10]
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- Your crush will also feel flattered that you enjoy their company since you can easily entertain yourself.
- You’ll also give off the impression that no one has to check up on you because you have so many fun distractions.

10

Take your time sharing personal details.

Don’t dive too deep too soon—your date will feel more calm. Usually, people just want to relax and keep it light after the first couple dates. It’s totally okay to discuss your background or past if it feels empowering—for example, you can say why you chose your major or why you made a career change. When your date notices you don’t get really vulnerable too soon, they’ll admire your restraint.
- Develop an emotional connection later down the line. You’ll know how to support each other.
- Take cues from your date. Open up about certain topics, like your upbringing, once they do.
- Politely bring up boundaries if you’re not ready to talk. You can say something like, “I’ll get into that when we know each other better!”

11

Bring up another adventure to go on.

Say you want a second date just because you want to try something new. Keep the momentum going and suggest meeting up again. Think about your first date and then brainstorm an alternative so your crush knows you’re full of surprises. When you grab their attention with an exciting plan, they’ll adore your initiative and imagination.^{[11]
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- This is also a great trick because your date will think you just want some entertainment.
- If you’re super into them, they won’t know it yet if you just talk about having a good time.
- You’ll also leave everything on a high note, and they’ll picture a fun future with you.