How to Read Your Partner's Body Language

Last Updated: May 6, 2021 References

Your romantic partner may have a wide variety of signals that portray how they are feeling and what's on their minds. By observing and taking note of these signals in specific and general situations, you can better understand your partner’s mood, emotions, and level of connection with you. You'll be better able to notice any tension or conflict with your partner by observing their body language.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Reading Body Language in General

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Observe facial expressions. Your partner may make several different facial expressions involving his/her eyes, lips, and mouth that will key you in to their mood or any signs of conflict.^{[1]
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- Licking of the lips shows that your partner might be nervous or desiring something.
- Lifting of the eyebrows depends on the context, but could show your partner is surprised, uncomfortable, or skeptical about something. If your partner raises his/her eyebrows quickly and smiles at the same time, it could be a sign of attraction.
- Smiling without crinkles around the eyes is more of a fake smile and could mean your partner isn't really happy about something.
- Clenching the jaw, rubbing the neck, or furrowing the brow could mean your partner is stressed about something.
2
Watch out for eye contact. Maintaining eye contact is a sign of interest, connection, and intimacy. If your partner’s eyes dart around the room or behind you, he/she might be preoccupied with something else other than what you’re saying. Darting eyes can also mean your partner is anxious.^{[2]
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- Keep in mind people know they have a tendency to shift their gaze when they feel anxious, so your partner may overcompensate by trying to keep their gaze fixed on you and blank. Your partner may also rub his eyes or touch his face near his eyes when anxious.^{[3]
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- Your partner may also scan your body with his/her eyes. This is very clearly a sign of attraction and interest, particularly if he/she doesn't look away when you notice the scanning.^{[4]
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3
Pay attention to your partner's arms and hands. Clenched fists and crossed arms may mean your partner is getting defensive about something. Pay attention to this particularly if you're arguing or if you're asking your partner to do something. However, if your partner’s arms are just lightly crossed or folded across his or her stomach, like when he or she is sitting, then your partner may actually be relaxed.^{[5]
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- If your partner holds out his or her hands with the palms facing upward or outward, he/she is probably feeling relaxed, willing to communicate, and open.
- If your partner stands with his/her feet shoulder-width apart, stands up straight, and has an open posture, they’re demonstrating more confidence and power. ^{[6]
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  Research source} Similarly, if your partner stands with his/her hands on the hips, he or she is probably feeling more self-confident.^{[7]
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- If your partner stands slumped down, legs crossed, and hands in his pockets, your partner is likely feeling tense, sad, or embarrassed about something.
4
Observe how your partner sits. A confident and relaxed sitting posture is one where your partner is leaning back with his or her legs unfolded and slightly open. If your partner is feeling more insecure, he or she will likely have his or her arms and legs folded in. The most common sitting positions you can watch out for are:^{[8]
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- Sitting with legs splayed open show confidence and possible sexual attraction.
- Sitting with legs tightly crossed indicates that someone is closed off, nervous, or unreceptive.
- Crossed ankles may indicate that your partner is calm.
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Notice any fidgeting. See if your partner fidgets while sitting or standing. Also pay attention to any fiddling of the hands or other objects. This behavior could be a sign of anxiety, boredom, or irritation.^{[9]
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Notice the way your partner hold or touches his or her head. If your partner tilts his or her head, then your partner is showing increased interest in you and what you're saying. If you notice your partner touching his or her face or playing with his or her hair, it could be that your partner is feeling comfortable.
- If you see your partner covering up his or her face or holding his or her head in his or her hands, then it may be that your partner is embarrassed or stressed.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Reading Body Language in Specific Situations

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Notice how you eat together. Pay attention to how you're sitting and interacting when you share a meal with your partner. Your partner will probably lean in, face you, and make eye contact with you if he or she is interested in talking or being with you.^{[10]
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Research source} Pay attention to these signs of disconnection or inattention from your partner:
- Your partner does not look up at you occasionally or acknowledge your presence.
- Your partner is already finished with his food and moving on to something else while you’re only halfway through eating.
- Your partner's back is turned toward you while you eat.
2
Watch them during an argument. Partners in happier relationships show different body language during arguments than partners in unhappy relationships. Try to show you’re listening and keep your partner calm during an argument.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Maya Diamond, MA
Master's in Somatic Psychology & Relationship Coach
Expert Interview. 17 January 2019.} Watch out for signs of aggression, disapproval, or inattention including:
- Bared teeth.
- Tightly crossed arms.
- Flared nostrils.
- Finger jabbing at your chest.
- Body turned away from you.
- Eyes darting around the room.
- Crinkled nose.
3
Pay attention to how your partner relaxes with you. While you’re sitting down at night to watch television together, pay attention to your partner’s body, even if he or she is on the other side of the couch or in a different chair. Couples who are better connected and happier tend to be angled toward each other and glance at each other to check in.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Expert Interview. 15 March 2019.}
- If your partner is feeling upset or like he or she does not want to talk, he or she may turn away from you and refuse to look at or acknowledge you.
- Holding hands can also be a good indication that your partner is expressing love and wants to be with you. For example, if your partner reaches out to hold your hand, then this indicates that he or she is seeking love or comfort from you.^{[13]
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4
Look into your partner’s eyes during sex. If your partner’s pupils are open, then look at them to see if his or her pupils are dilated. Your partner’s pupils will dilate if he or she is excited, so this can offer a clue about how he or she is feeling.
- If you notice that your partner has his/her eyes closed tightly shut for most of sex and seems tense, especially in the neck and shoulders area, then it could mean that your partner is anxious or not wanting to be intimate.
- Keep in mind it’s okay if the eyes close naturally sometimes during sex, but notice if your partner takes time to look into your eyes.
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Observe your partner's pace while walking with you. Exercising together can have many benefits and it can also make you feel closer to your partner.^{[14]
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Research source} Couples that are well connected and happy together tend to keep a similar pace. Notice if your partner walks ahead of you and faster than you often. Also notice if your partner fails to let you know if he/she’s about to turn or change direction.
- Try to hold hands with your partner when you walk. This will help keep you connected.
- If your partner is deliberately not matching his or her pace with yours or refusing to hold your hand, then it could mean that something is up.

Warnings

Do not look them over excessively as you could come off as creepy or disturbing.

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These are general rules of body language. Try to directly ask your partner how he or she is feeling as well, without just making assumptions based on body language.

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