How to Respond when He Finally Reaches Out

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: March 13, 2022 References

Has a guy ever disappeared from a convo before texting you again a few days or weeks later? Or maybe an ex reached out after you broke up asking how you’re doing. You might feel frustrated, confused, or excited in either situation, and how you reply depends on what you want from your relationship moving forward. Luckily, there’s a perfect response no matter what text he sent. Keep reading for helpful tips and example texts you can use for when a guy finally texts you back.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Responding to a Guy Who Ignored or Ghosted You

1
Look at how often he reaches out to determine his texting style. Some guys prefer to have conversations in person or over the phone if they aren’t a big fan of texting. If you’ve been chatting with the guy for a while, scroll through your conversations to see if he’s taken a similar amount of time between his responses. If he has, then everything is probably fine and you can carry on the conversation as normal. You can even ask him directly to see how he prefers to text.^{[1]
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- If there’s a sudden change in texting times, then it could be a sign that his feelings have changed.
- If you just went on a date and he responds 3 days after, he might be following an old dating rule to make you more interested in him.
- When you first start dating, it’s normal for him to only text when you’re making plans together.
2
Take a moment to work through how you feel before replying. You might be excited that the guy you’re seeing finally texted back, but it’s okay if you’re a little upset or confused too. Rather than responding right away, sit with your feelings and determine what you want from him going forward. Give it a few minutes or hours to think it over.
- Making him wait on a response also shows him that you weren’t waiting by your phone and expecting a text from him.
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3
Ask what took him so long if he doesn’t explain right away. If the guy was really busy or something came up, he’ll usually tell you as soon as he responds so you understand why he disappeared. When he jumps right back into a conversation or doesn’t acknowledge that he ghosted you, hold him accountable and ask what was going on so you can get to the bottom of it. If he has a good reason, then you can assume that he’s still into you.
- “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a few days. What have you been up to?”
- “I’m surprised to hear from you again! Where have you been the past couple of days?”
- “It felt like you were ghosting me for a little while. Did something come up?”
4
Mention how you’d prefer him to text you in the future. It’s completely normal to tell a guy how you expect him to communicate if you’re not happy right now. If you want him to text you at least once a day so you stay connected, then don’t be afraid to say that to him. Tell him that it’s important that you’re able to communicate so he knows that you’re serious about how you want to communicate.
- “I don’t appreciate being ignored for days between texts, so I’d really appreciate it if you could check in once a day please.”
- “I feel like you don’t care about us when you disappear like that. Can you send me a text telling me what you’re up to?”
- “I’m afraid that you’ve moved on when you leave me on read, so can you tell me if you’re busy so I don’t worry?”
5
Continue your conversation if he’s understanding and you're still into him. If the guy feels bad about making you wait for a message, he’ll apologize and work towards communicating more. Once you clear the air, feel free to pick up the conversation right where you left off so you can keep bonding and growing closer.
- See if he has done some work on himself.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}
- Has he made efforts to learn how to interact better, how to listen, how to communicate, and how to have boundaries.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.}
- If he keeps disappearing without explanation after you talk with him, then it could be a sign that he’s not worth your time.
6
Tell him you’re moving on if he doesn’t have a good explanation. You deserve someone that’s excited to text you and shows you that they care about you. If you don’t feel like the guy is putting in the effort you want from him, then tell him that you don’t want to reconnect again. You can even just ghost him and give him a taste of his own medicine if you want.^{[4]
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- “Thanks for reaching out again, but I think it’s better if we go our separate ways.”
- “It’s not fair of you to leave me in the dark for so long. It’s for the best if we just move on.”^{[5]
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- “I want someone who wants to chat every day with me, and we’re just not in the same place right now. I think we should see other people.”

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Responding When an Ex Reaches Out

1
Reply to your ex if it won’t negatively affect your mood. Getting a text from your ex might bring up a lot of emotions depending on how you ended things. Before you reach out, remember your relationship and think about how your ex makes you feel. If you don’t have good memories of the relationship or your ex makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s better to ignore the message.
- If you’re with a new partner, think about how they would feel about you talking to your ex.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Lisa Shield
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.} You can even ask them for their opinion.
- Talk to a friend to help remind you of why you broke up with your ex in the first place. That may help you recognize how you feel about him.
2
Mirror the effort he’s putting into the conversation if you don’t know his intentions. Rather than responding with a long, thought-out message, try to match his message length and excitement level. Let him lead the conversation so you can understand what he wants from it.
- If he asks what’s up: “Hey, nothing much. You?”
- If he asks how you’ve been: “Pretty good. How are you?”
- If he says he wants to talk: “It depends. What about?”
3
Act a little flirty if you’re interested in getting back together. If you still have feelings for your ex and you notice he’s changed from the last time you talked, then it might be worth giving your relationship another shot. Let him know that you still have some feelings for him so he knows that you’re open to the idea of getting back together.
- If he says he misses you: “It took you long enough to realize it 😉”
- If he says he still has feelings for you: “I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t thinking about you too…”
- If he says he wants to get back together: “Maybe that’s something we could work towards 😊”
4
Let him down gently if you’re still on good terms. If you don’t have any problems with your ex, then there’s no reason to be rude even if you’ve moved on. Let him know that you’ve moved on right away so he doesn’t get mixed messages. Just tell him how you feel and wish him the best so you can both have a little closure.^{[7]
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- If he says he misses you: “I miss you too, but we agreed that it would be best if we moved on.”
- If he says he was thinking about you: “I appreciate the thought, but we’ve become different people now and I’ve started seeing someone new. I hope you find someone that makes you happy too.”
- If he confesses he made a mistake and still loves you: “There were other reasons why we broke up and wouldn’t work out, so it’s best if we go our separate ways. I wish you nothing but the best.”
5
Leave his message on read if you don’t want to contact him again. If you think talking to your ex is a bad idea and might bring up negative emotions, it’s okay if you don’t want to respond at all. It’s important for you to do what’s best for yourself, and you don’t owe it to your ex to text him back.^{[8]
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- If your ex continues to reach out, block their number so he can’t reach you anymore.

Expert Q&A

Question

How can you decide whether to respond to your ex or not?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Before responding to your ex, see if he has done some work on himself. Note if he has made efforts to learn to interact, listen, communicate better, and to have boundaries.
Question

Sometimes why do men disappear without saying anything?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Sometimes men are afraid of hurting a woman. So they disappear instead of saying that he feels they are not a good match.