How to Stay Close to an Old Friend when at Different Schools, Universities or Jobs

Co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW

Last Updated: June 10, 2022

Not everyone stays close to their best friend from childhood. Some people may have that friend until they are seventy, whereas others lose touch when they go to different high schools or start work in different sectors. This article aims to help you keep that best friend for your entire existence and to never let you drift apart no matter what.

Steps

1
Accept that it may be difficult to stay as close as you were due to busy schedules. For example, if you were best friends in high school and you are going off to different universities, then it will be hard to spend as much time together as you did before. You won't see them for the seven hours you once spent together in school as well as an extra four hours doing extracurricular activities and homework together.
- That said, it's always helpful to put a date on the calendar when you're going to see each other next, and have something to look forward to.
2
Don't be jealous if your best friend is making new friends. You will eventually form close friendships with people that you wouldn't expect, and you both will have different friend groups that may not have a single mutual friend between them. It's all about meeting new people and developing friendships outside your comfort zone.
- Remember that you're both different individuals, with each person having their own individual life filled with hobbies and passions. That is natural!
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3
Go out to different places with your best friend. This can be very helpful as you will always have something to talk about, even if you haven't spoke in a while and don't know if they have the same interests as before.
- Go to a new restaurant for lunch or dinner. You can talk about the different foods, the decor, the scenery, etc.
- Go shopping together; go into town and make a day out of it. Try on everything and have your friend give their opinion.
- Go see a movie together.
- Or even a cafe just for coffee if you are short on money or don't have a lot of time.
- Even visit places like local museums, tourist attractions, the zoo, sea life, etc. This may be costly, but whatever interests you share, go to a place that is related.
- If you are both sporty, then go to a football game or a hockey game.
- Also going to the gym together or walking/running outside is a great way to spend time with your friend.
- Even just going out to a café to get ice cream or milkshakes is fun and gives you both something to do that isn't too expensive.
- Even just visiting each other's house or driving around having no destination can be really fun and doesn't cost (except for petrol/gas).
4
If you both are busy or can't think of things to do, then talk to each other on the phone or text each other. You could also message each other on Facebook, or Skype each other.
- If you don't have anything to talk about, then discuss recent news events;
- Or, how your new college course is going;
- Or, how you recently started a new TV programme that you would recommend.
5
Make sure to at least see each other once a month. It may be difficult to fit in, but try anyway, even if it is just for half an hour. Also ask about their new friends they have made and the new hobbies they have. Take an interest in them if they have changed their interests.
6
Talk to them. If you feel you aren't as close or if your friend is distancing themselves, there may be a reason. Just remember that it may be hard for them to accept that they are losing you and that you two aren't close anymore.
- They may feel that they have a new life now and there isn't enough room for everyone.
- Or they don't want to lose you so they are doing it slowly over time.
7
Remember to always take an interest in their new life. Whether that be their new relationship, new interests, their new job, new friends etc. If you meet their new friends, talk to them as well, as it is who your bestie is spending time with when they aren't with you. It's all about sharing a close bond, sharing information and being there for each other.
8
Do something big and eventful together. If you both have money spare the why not go to a festival together? Or why not go on a holiday/vacation together? If you do, make some memories and take lots of photos so that you can look back on it later!
- Spending time at the beach together in Spain or Turkey.
- Go to big cities like New York or Paris.
- Or even just camping 45 minutes up north together (or south).

Community Q&A

Question

Is my true friend gong to be my friend when I move to another school?

Community Answer

Probably! Make a serious effort to stay in touch. Try to talk to them every day and get together to hang out whenever you can. But you'll also make new friends at your new school, and that's okay too. There's no limit to how many friends you can have.
Question

My friend is going to another college and I am very sad. What can I do?

Community Answer

It's okay to be sad about that, but it doesn't mean you two can't keep in touch and plan things like having lunch together or going to the movies once in a while.

Warnings

Don't wait a year to catch up with each other; do it more often so that you don't distance yourself too much.

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Don't force your friend to make time for you.

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Accept that it's hard to keep up with friends that you don't see on a day-to-day basis. It may not be like it was before, but at least you are still spending time together.

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