How to Stop Being Desperate About Your Age

Relax. Above all, step back and try to put the age worries into perspective. A lot of age worry comes from feeling external pressure, especially for the older person who sees the emphasis on youthful ages strongly reflected in the media. This pressure to be ever youthful can be burdensome depending on how much you allow it to influence you. Sadly, it fails to account for the reality that we all age and change, which is something to celebrate, not bemoan.

• Consider calming yourself by talking about what is upsetting you. Talk to a trusted friend.
• Disconnect for a while. Take a break and go somewhere that lets you disconnect from networks, be they online, social or otherwise. Give yourself some space to gain perspective and to truly relax. Clear your mind of all future thinking, where worries about aging tend to pop up.

Realize how fleeting human time is. Aging is a natural process and it happens as we get on with life. That is often why we wake up one day, look in the mirror and seem shocked to see an older person staring back at us. It can especially unnerving if you feel you have not lived life the way you want to and have much to achieve yet. But all is not lost! You have a chance to make new choices to orient your life back towards achieving the things that you feel have been slipping away with the ordinariness of everyday life.

• Accept that you won't be able to move past being upset about your age if you're fixated on wanting to be younger. Turning back the clock is not an option. It's impossible to wish to be younger and suddenly be a child, a teen, a young adult again.

Understand what is likely driving some of your age angst. Nostalgia is a wonderful thing, yet dangerous too. It reminds us of our past and it also embellishes our past; and in the embellishment, we can often convince ourselves that younger days were easier, happier, better, than now. Comparing your past with your present is fraught with danger, as you may sentimentalize a time in your life to the point of thinking that anything after is never as good.

Life is now, and while it is good to remember the past, it is important to take a sensible perspective of it. Moreover, you cannot escape current problems by wishing to be young again (or older, if that is the case). In other words, recognize when you are lamenting the loss of your younger days as an excuse for not facing the difficult issues in front of you right now. Save the energy for fixing current problems rather than imagining your life would be much better if only you were younger.

Beware anyone who insists that there is a "perfect" age in your life. There is no such thing. A person insisting on this is most likely wallowing in nostalgia and resentful of how life is right now. Most people experience ups and downs throughout life, there being times when you find things financially easier, more fulfilling, better connected, etc., than perhaps is the case right now. Of course, this can also be said of the future, when things are likely to change again and you may find older age more fulfilling, more stable, etc. You just don't know but you can work on improving the things about your life that you don't like right now.

• Remember good memories for what they are––good memories. Be content with knowing that you have had those wonderful experiences without feeling that such events can't be again.

Make plans for changes in your life. Feeling desperate about your age often comes with a tinge of having missed out on doing certain things. This is a good opportunity to sit down and ask yourself why you haven't done these things yet and what you're going to do about it from this point onward.^[1] Are they still good ideas or are you nursing old dreams that could do with a revamp?

• If ill health, a disability or other challenging issues have changed your life's direction, now is a great time to work out what is within your capacity rather than constantly lamenting what is no longer possible. Things are still possible, they're just going to be different things and it might take some more research and self-convincing before you're on a new and more interesting path again.
• Realize that there are lots of things still ahead of you. Make the most of the opportunities that still exist.^[2]

Cut loose. Living up to someone else's expectations? Age angst is a good reason to let go of those expectations and start being true to yourself. You may find it helpful to read the book by Bonnie Ware, called Top Five Regrets of the Dying. In this book, you'll learn what people at the end of their lives wish they'd known earlier and acted on to have made life better for themselves; reading stories like these can help you to benefit from their insights and break free from the bonds of others' expectations.

• Read biographies of people who lost large chunks of their lives due to imprisonment, political repression or similar challenges but then went on to lead fulfilling lives much later, people such as Nelson Mandela and Václav Havel. Use their stories as inspiration for getting your own life back into gear.
• There are also plenty of books about starting over or transitioning at later stages of life; don't feel it's impossible, as many people have managed this successfully.

Connect. You're not alone in worrying about age issues––connect with someone who has either gone through similar experiences as you who is ahead of your time or to someone who is of your own age. Both age groups will help give you some interesting perspectives on how other people feel about aging and age issues.

• By talking openly about your age worries with people of your own age, you'll open up a space in which you can all talk freely about a commonplace concern. Not only will this be a cathartic experience but you will also be socializing and being with people is one of the best ways to cheer yourself up.

Adopt a new attitude towards age and aging. Age is a number but it's not something that defines you. Certainly, there are people who equate a specific age with certain unwritten "rules" about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable to do, whether it's fashion, hair color, work choices, travel itineraries, where you live, or anything else you care to name. No doubt you've read things like "40 is the new 30", "70 is the new 50". Such stories might be amusing but they're also superficial, basing how you "should" feel on a mere number. So what? That's their choice but that's exactly what it is––a choice. Nothing compels you to join the age-defining conformists out there. As the cliché says, "you are only as old as you feel"––so how do you feel?

• Smile more often and make daily excuses to laugh. Positive emotions will help you move beyond the feelings of desperation and disappointment. Think about what is good about your life right now rather than obsessing about what was so great about the past.