How to Stop Being Emotional

Last Updated: March 22, 2021 References Approved

Do you always cry at an embarrassing moment? Do you get angry over nothing at all? Getting overly emotional at the wrong moments can be a frustrating experience, and make your private feelings suddenly public. But you can learn to control your emotions so you can experience them more fully at the appropriate moments.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Confronting Your Emotions

1
Figure out what you are feeling. Sometimes, the emotion we express isn't reflective of what we actually feel. We end up accusing people of making us feel something, like stupid, worthless, unattractive, or unwanted. Figure out what you are really feeling. Why did you respond this way? What is this response connected to? Look inward to find the real issue you are responding to.^{[1]
X
Research source}
2
Reflect on why you are being emotional. When you feel tears welling up or a flare of anger or jealousy, pause. Ask yourself, "Why am I feeling this way?" Acknowledging your emotions instead of ignoring them is a first step towards learning to control them.
- Figuring out why you feel a certain way helps you not to rationalize. When we rationalize, we end up lying to ourselves and making things worse.^{[2]
  X
  Research source}
- Be honest with yourself. You are not doing yourself any favors by lying.
Advertisement
3
Redirect yourself with questions. When you feel a wave of emotions hitting, ask yourself key questions before reacting. Mentally asking yourself these questions can help you avoid reacting immediately, and also calm down as you evaluate the situation. Ask yourself:
- Is this emotion going to help me solve anything?
- Do I gain more by holding on to this emotion or letting it go?
- Am I capable of letting this emotion go?
- Can I walk away for a moment so I can gather myself?
- Can I control this emotion so I am fully aware of my decisions and the consequences?^{[3]
  X
  Research source}
4
Look for triggers. Evaluate your life and your habits. Look for things you do that prompt you to feel overly emotional. Remember, you are in control of your emotions and yourself. Though you may react negatively to outside stimuli, you are the one who is ultimately in control of what you think and feel.^{[4]
X
Research source}
- Are you more emotional when you are stressed? If so, try managing your stress to avoid emotional reactions.
- Do you react more emotionally when you haven't slept or eaten well or enough?
- Does exercise help you manage your emotions?
- Do you get more sensitive in large crowds full of strangers?
- Does your work environment make you emotional?
- Being able to pinpoint what some of your triggers are can help you avoid situations where you might be emotional, or be better prepared for them.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Dealing With Your Emotions

1
Allow yourself quiet time. Take calming breaks throughout the day. Get up, take a brisk walk, stretch, read something that makes you feel good, call or text a friend, write an e-mail. Do things that make you happy and reduce stress.^{[5]
X
Research source} This will help you stay calm and centered so that you are prepared when you are faced with a difficult, emotional situation.
2
Step away from a situation. When you feel your emotions rising, step a few feet away.^{[6]
X
Research source} Moving yourself physically away just a few feet helps remove you from the immediate source of the emotional drama. The physical act helps you focus on something else, which can quell your anger or stop your tears. As you step away, you can think logically and decide the best way to deal with the situation.
- If you find yourself in tears, shaking from anger, or yelling, walk away. Go to the bathroom or another room to collect yourself.
3
Relax your facial expression. Frowning with your brows drawn together might influence the way you react. Scrunching your face like you are going to cry could also help trigger tears. Instead, try keeping a neutral face, or even a slight smile. It might not help calm all of your emotions, but it might stop the onset of tears or a raging yelling spurt.^{[7]
X
Research source}
4
Breathe before responding. Breathing allows you to calm your nervous system and your fight or flight response, which helps you make a clearer decision.^{[8]
X
Research source} Deep breathing helps calm your emotions and lessens anxiety.
- Try breathing in through your nose slowly for four seconds. Hold for two seconds. Exhale through your mouth for six seconds. Repeat.^{[9]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
- Start meditation and relaxation exercises to help control your emotions. Regular yoga exercises can help reduce your stress and aid you in reflecting on why you feel the way you feel.
- Breathing can help you if you find yourself being emotional in an inopportune moment. If you are crying or yelling, take a moment to breathe and recenter yourself.
5
Refrain from making decisions. When your emotions are high, don't make important decisions. During these times, you are not thinking clearly and are not in the state to make a reasoned, rational decision. Don't answer loaded questions when you are feeling overly emotional. You may say something you regret. Instead, remove yourself from the situation. Allow yourself time to process your feelings before you make decisions.
6
Analyze your reaction. When you end up in a situation where you are being overly emotional, be cognizant of the fact that you are overly emotional. Then, ask yourself why you are being this way. Are you reacting to things in yourself you have already discovered are sensitive spots? Are you stressed? Are you reacting to this person at all?
- H.A.L.T. Ask yourself if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Go eat something, take a walk if you're angry, talk to a friend, or get some rest.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}
7
Develop a thick skin. Everyday we are put in situations that we don't like, that are uncomfortable, or where we are criticized. Sometimes the way a person treats us is not even related to us, but something in the other person's life. Having a thick skin can help you navigate difficult situations without letting your emotions get the better of you.
- Be silent and unresponsive. Don't react to everything. Let some things go and just roll off your back.
- Stop exaggerated thinking. Being overly emotional sometimes makes us blow things out of proportion. We take something small and insignificant and turn it into something large. Learn not to indulge in thinking like this to avoid inaccurate versions of the truth.
- Figure out why things upset you. Is there a way to fix someone's treatment of you? Can you calmly and respectfully address the person who offended or upset you?
- Take criticism with a grain of salt. When someone criticizes you, use it as a moment to better yourself. If you disagree with the criticism, trust and believe in yourself enough to ignore the criticism. People will always criticize you; it's a part of life. Learn to take it in stride.^{[11]
  X
  Research source}
8
Decide if the person deliberately hurt you. Look at what happened from the other person's perspective. Did they mean to hurt you? Were they trying to be helpful? Were they actually being cruel or bullying you? If the person isn't trying to hurt you, focus on your feelings instead of the other person.^{[12]
X
Research source}
9
Look ahead. Ask yourself, "Am I going to feel this way in an hour, day, or month?" Many times, emotions are heat-of-the-moment reactions. Yes, in that moment things feel worst-case scenario and like they will never be better. How often do you look back and think, "Why was I so nervous/upset/angry/sad?" Remember to look forward.
- This strategy will also help you think twice about your reactions. What will your boss/co-worker/friend think tomorrow if you overreact today?
10
Talk to someone. If you are struggling to deal with your emotions, talk to someone. Your friends and family care about you and will help you. Sometimes, talking helps dissipate some of the pent up emotions. If that doesn't help, consider going to talk to a therapist. They might be able to help you work through your emotions in healthy, constructive ways.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you become mentally strong?

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008.

Adam Dorsay, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try to be patient with yourself as you learn to understand and control your emotions. You might be a little clumsy when you're first learning to handle your emotions, and that's okay! It will get easier the more you practice.