How to Satisfy a Woman

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: August 13, 2022 References

Want to know the best way to give a woman a mind-blowing experience in bed? Start by asking her what she’s into! But there are also some tried and true techniques you can try, like warming up with sensual foreplay, mixing up your positions, or indulging in a little dirty talk.

1

Talk to her about what she likes.

Communication is the key to a good sex life. Every woman is an individual with her own preferences, so don’t try to guess what your special gal likes in bed. Ask her what she’s into, whether it’s specific positions, a certain way of being touched, or a particularly spicy fantasy she enjoys.^{[1]
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- For instance, say something like, “What’s your favorite position?” or “Would you like me to go down on you?”
- You can also ask her questions while you’re in the act. For example, say things like, “Does that feel good?” or “Should I slow down?” Or, ask her to show you what she likes (for example, by having her guide your hand while you touch her).
- Remember, what she’s in the mood for might change from one time to the next. Even if you’ve had great sex before, don’t assume she’ll want to do the same things she did last time!

2

Never underestimate the power of foreplay.

A little warm-up can take sex from blah to amazing. It’s no secret that a lot of women need foreplay to really enjoy sex. The right kind of foreplay depends on what she’s into! It could be anything from a heavy makeout session or a few minutes of oral sex to a sensual massage or some mutual masturbation. Experiment with different methods to see what really gets her going.^{[2]
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- Foreplay doesn’t necessarily have to go on for ages. Even just a few minutes can be enough to get you both warmed up and ready to go.
- Foreplay helps stimulate the vagina to secrete a natural lubricant, which can make sex a lot more comfortable and pleasurable for both of you. Sometimes, though, it’s not enough. Ask her if she’d like to use some lube—you can make it part of the foreplay.^{[3]
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3

Take time to get to know her body.

Figuring out where her hot buttons are will make it easier to turn up the heat. You’ve probably heard that the clitoris is the main center of sexual pleasure for most women. But, almost any part of the body can be an erogenous zone. Have fun exploring your partner’s body with her and figuring out where (and how) she likes to be touched. You’ll find that some parts are more sensitive than others, and that she may like different kinds of touches in different places.^{[4]
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- For instance, she might like you to touch her breasts, kiss her neck, or rub her feet.
- Experiment with different types of touch in different areas. For example, she might like firm pressure in some areas and light strokes in others.
- Remember, keep asking her what she likes and doesn’t like. She can point you in the right direction!

4

Try getting her going with a little dirty talk.

The right naughty words can be a powerful turn-on. Some women enjoy a bit of spicy pillow talk. Ask your bae if she’d like you to talk dirty to her while you get busy in bed.^{[5]
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- Talk about what you’re doing with her right now—or what you’d like to do.
- Praise her body and tell her how beautiful and sexy she is.
- Describe a naughty fantasy, or talk about some memorable sex you’ve had with her in the past.

5

Experiment with different positions and rhythms.

Mixing it up keeps things exciting, and will help you discover what she likes. The good old missionary position has its place, but it doesn’t work for every woman, every time. Try out different positions with her, like cowgirl, doggy style, or spooning.^{[6]
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- If one position isn’t working for you, you can always switch it up. There’s no need to stick to one position for an entire session in the sheets.
- Say things like, “You want to take a turn being on top?” or “Try putting your legs up on my shoulders.”
- Vary your pace and rhythm, too—let her be your guide to what works in the moment. You can ask her things like, “Is it okay if I go a little faster and harder?”
- You can also try having sex in different places. Go at it on the couch, in the shower, or even on a desk or table.

6

Keep things interesting by trying a variety of sex acts.

Sex can mean many different things. There are so many other kinds of sex beyond basic intercourse! You might find that your lady enjoys other things just as much, or more. A few different things you can try include:^{[7]
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- Oral sex. She might prefer being either the giver or the receiver. If she likes both, give her the best of both worlds by doing the 69.
- Touching each other or watching each other pleasure yourselves. This kind of sex can involve external touching (e.g., rubbing her clitoris or touching the outside of her vagina) or internal (e.g., inserting your fingers or a toy into her vagina or anus).
- Using dildos, vibrators, or other toys.
- Grinding or rubbing up against each other (sometimes called frottage or “dry humping”), with or without your clothes on.

7

Bring a little fantasy into the bedroom.

Using your imaginations is a great way to heat things up. Try talking through a fantasy you both enjoy, or even acting it out. If you’re feeling really ambitious, you could even bring props or costumes into it.^{[8]
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- When it comes to fantasies, you’re only limited by your imagination. It’s an opportunity to try out taboo scenarios that you might not do in real life (for example, picking up a stranger at a bar or having sex in front of other people).
- Some women enjoy watching porn with their partner before or during sex, which can help stimulate your imaginations and make the fantasy feel more real.^{[9]
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8

Play with toys in bed, if she’s interested.

Sex toys add an element of fun and can provide unique types of stimulation. If you and your partner are looking for a little extra help, sex toys are a great option. Talk to her about trying different toys to enhance her experience, such as dildos, vibrators, strap-ons, or anal plugs or beads.^{[10]
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- Sex toys are safe if you use them correctly, but good hygiene is important. Always wash your toys with soap and warm water before and after using them. If you plan to put a toy inside your partner’s body (or your own), putting a condom on it first can also reduce the risk of infections.

9

Cuddle with her when you’re done, if she’s into it.

What happens after sex can be just as important as the sex itself. After you’re all done, don’t be in too much of a rush to hop in the shower and get dressed. A lot of women enjoy relaxing and snuggling after getting busy in the sack. If you have the time, invite her to curl up with you and chat or snooze for a few minutes before you go back to business as usual.^{[11]
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- Alternatively, the two of you can get into the shower together! Getting cleaned off together is a fun and intimate way to relax after sex—and it could even lead to more sex.

10

Have some spicy phone or video sex if you can’t meet in person.

You can still have fun together even if you’re not in the same room. Whether you’re social distancing or trying to make a long-distance relationship work, you can still get intimate with your SO. Call her on the phone or set up a video call, then talk to her about all the ways you’d get hot and heavy with her if you were together.^{[12]
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- If you can’t see each other, use your words and tone of voice to set the mood. For example, you might describe what you’re wearing, what you’re doing, and how you’d be touching her if she were there. Feel free to sigh, moan, or breathe heavily.
- For video calls, treat it like an in-person date: clean up the space she’ll be seeing on the screen, create some soft mood lighting, and dress (or undress!) to impress.
- If you’re doing video chat, stick to an encrypted app, like Signal or FaceTime, so nobody else can look or listen in on the action without your knowledge.^{[13]
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