How to Stop Hating Children

Consider the child's perspective. Children can be difficult to understand or control, but they are human beings nonetheless. Childhood is difficult. Children are faced with a constant struggle to grow, and learn new things about the world. Try to be sympathetic, and think of children as people instead of mere annoyances.

Avoid being too rigid. Children can seem irrational, preferring to live moment-to-moment rather than following rigidly defined schedules or plans. If you tend to think very logically at all times, this can be frustrating. Rather than trying to stick to a predefined schedule of activities, opt for a more open-ended plan, such as a trip to the park, or a simple play session in the child's familiar environment. Children often thrive in such unstructured activities, bouncing from activity to activity as their mood and level of energy changes.^[1]

Speak honestly with parents about your issues. Explain that you have difficulty understanding and liking children, but are working to get better. Ask them for help in getting to know their child. Many parents are quite enthusiastic to teach others what they have learned through parenting, and few people are more well-equipped to understand the frustrations and pitfalls of interacting with children.

Engage in conversation with kids. It is common to "talk down" to children, especially if you have little experience dealing with them. This should be avoided, as it can alienate a child. Don't try to limit your vocabulary, but instead talk to them in a normal, friendly tone, just as you would with an adult. Make sure the child has plenty of time to talk, and avoid telling long stories or speaking at length, as the child may have trouble sustaining attention.^[2]

• Don't worry too much about whether the child you're talking to you will understand what you're saying. If the child is interested, he or she will often ask for clarification, leading to further possibilities for conversation.
• You should, of course, refrain from using inappropriate language, or bringing up "adults only" subjects around kids.

Ask questions. Remember that children, while not yet fully developed, are people with personalities, interests and memories. Asking questions will help a child engage with you, since the child may not often feel comfortable speaking first in interactions with adults. The more you learn about a child's inner life, the easier it will be for you to see the child as a person of value.^[3]

• A common mistake is to ask children overly "easy", simple questions. Ask open-ended questions, requiring more than a simple "yes" or "no" to answer. This will encourage the child to start a real dialogue with you.
• Avoid cliche questions like "What's your favorite subject in school?" Children are used to hearing these questions, and it may not seem to them that you're really interested in learning about them.
• Many children enjoy telling stories about themselves, and are often very gratified to have an adult listen to them. Ask if anything exciting has happened to them recently, or ask about any recent trips, holidays or other events in their lives.

Respond to temper tantrums with patience. It is easy to become upset with a child who is displaying loud, dramatic behaviors like screaming, flailing, or holding their breath. You should resist the temptation to raise your voice, or become upset yourself. This will only worsen the tantrum, leading to increased frustration for both of you. Try to remain calm, and distract the child from whatever is upsetting him or her.^[4]

• A favorite toy or game is a great way of distracting a child who is throwing a temper tantrum. You can also try talking with the child about something he or she enjoys.
• Funny faces are a parent's standby for combating temper tantrums in very young children.

Expect disgusting behavior. Many people have a hard time getting over how gross kids can seem. Nose-picking, burping, drooling and other hard-to-watch behaviors may make you cringe, but they are nonetheless a normal part of a child's development. Try to keep an open mind, and remember that you probably displayed many such behaviors as a child. Ignore the behavior as best you can, and only intervene if the child's health or safety is in danger.^[5]

Practice deep breathing when you feel frustrated. Children are unpredictable, and often noisy, and can be of great annoyance to people who are not naturally patient. Take a deep breath, count to 10, and remind yourself that you are working towards a better relationship with children when you refuse to give in to impatience.^[6]