How to Surprise a Friend

Co-authored by Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II

Last Updated: July 6, 2022

Show your appreciation for that special friend who's always been there for you. Set aside what you would enjoy, and think of what would make the perfect gift or perfect day for your friend.

Surprise Ideas

A card with a personal note
Coffee or tea and their favorite edible treat
A book or movie they've been looking forward to
Knock on their door with popcorn and a movie
Throw a party to thank her for being a good friend
Whisk your friend away on a day trip
Decorate a classmate's locker
Invite your friend to a quiet meal, and have more friends waiting to surprise her at the restaurant.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Planning a Surprise

1
Think of how your friend shows happiness. One friend might love a surprise trip, but another would prefer a nice gift and a quiet evening. Think about what your friend does when she's happy — that's probably what she'll enjoy. The answer may be one of the following:
- Giving gifts
- Going on an adventure or experiencing something new
- Quiet quality time, enjoying the company of a few close friends
- Talking and encouraging each other
2
Figure out what your friend needs or wants. Snoop around and try to find out what's been on his or her mind. Is there somewhere they've been meaning to go? Something they've been meaning to buy as a treat?
- Try to plan a surprise that's related to your friend's hobbies, taste in music, or other interests. If his or her favorite band is coming to town, consider buying tickets so that the two you can go to the show together.
- If you can't think of anything that your friend immediately needs or wants, try to imagine something that he or she might conceivably want, but hasn't talked about. For example, if you know that your friend likes to read, try to find a book that she might find interesting—something that she probably hasn't read. Bring her a snack that she loves.
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3
Combine the two parts. Now that you know how your friend celebrates, and what your friend wants, combine it into one idea. Here are some examples:
- Someone who enjoys talking might love a video of family and friends saying what they like about her, or cheering her on to her next big step in life.
- If your friend enjoys new experiences, but has been complaining about stress, take him on a relaxing day trip to a park or tourist destination.
- Someone who's happiest during a quiet evening at home can still get a surprise when you decorate her house with a theme based on her favorite movie, then stay in and watch that movie with her.
4
Decide who to invite. If your friend is an extrovert, she might enjoy a surprise involving several people, or even a large group for a special occasion. If she is an introvert, she might prefer to spend time one-on-one—or to get a gift that she can enjoy on her own time.
- Make sure the guests will enjoy themselves as well. The white water rafting might be perfect for your friend, but make sure there's something for everyone to do.
- Try to invite people that your friend knows well, especially if he or she tends to be shy or introverted. If your friend is a social butterfly, she may not mind if you invite new people that you think she'll like.
5
Add personal touches. Try including references to how the two of you met, or to other shared experiences you have together. If you're giving a simple gift, add a personal touch to the presentation: stack a pyramid of edible treats, carefully hand-wrap the gift, or add a handwritten note.

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Revealing the Surprise

1
Choose a special location. Make your surprise extra special with a fun location. Kids love a surprise blanket fort. Adults might agree to visit a park or a pub, where they'll be surprised by a special gift or a crowd of friends.
2
Leave a gift in a surprise location. If you're giving a gift, drop it in a place that will surprise your friend. Enlist the help of someone who lives with your friend, and hide the gift somewhere she'll find it during everyday activity.
3
Create a scavenger hunt. If you're really into the setup, leave a series of clues. Make sure your friend finds the first clue, and wait at the end with the surprise. Don't make the scavenger hunt too difficult, or you might be waiting for a long time.
- Consider arranging for another mutual friend to walk through the scavenger hunt with your friend and drop hints if he gets stuck. Plan ahead. The mutual friend should be walking with the friend you're planning to surprise—as if everything is normal—when he or she finds the first clue.
4
Catch your friend off-guard. Talk to your friend as though it were a normal conversation, as you lead her to a surprise party or prepare to shove a present at her. Wait until she seems slightly distracted, and she won't know what hit her.
5
Trick your friend. Call your friend in a panic and make up a reason he needs to come right away. This will give quite an adrenaline rush, but be careful. Don't make up a story that would upset your friend too badly, or that's more fun than the actual surprise. You don't want your friend to wind up angry, upset, or disappointed.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do I do something special for my best friend?

Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II
Therapist
Ebony Eubanks is a Therapist, and Founder and CEO of Peaceful Living Counseling and Professional Services of Philadelphia, PA and in Hockessin, DE. With over a decade of experience providing counseling and coaching to individuals, couples, and groups, she specializes in depression, anxiety, couples work, life guidance coaching, and anger management. Ebony holds a Master’s in Social Work from Temple University and is a member of the Academy of Certified Social Workers. She is a Certified Anger Management Specialist-II, Level II trained Gottman Couples Therapist. and Certified Gestalt Therapist. Ebony also holds additional certifications in Advanced Clinician Training.

Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II

Therapist

Expert Answer

Step out of the box and sign your friend and yourself up for an activity that neither of you have tried before. If it doesn't work out, you can both just laugh about it.
Question

How do you throw a surprise party successfully?

Stefanie Chu-Leong
Owner & Senior Event Planner, Stellify Events
Stefanie Chu-Leong is the Owner and Senior Event Planner for Stellify Events, an event management business based in the San Francisco Bay Area and California Central Valley. Stefanie has over 15 years of event planning experience and specializes in large-scale events and special occasions. She has a BA in Marketing from San Francisco State University.

Stefanie Chu-Leong

Owner & Senior Event Planner, Stellify Events

Expert Answer

To be successful, you will need to have help from another person who is also close to your friend so you can divide the responsibilities. This other person will be responsible for intermediating conversations with guests and people you don't know, while you deal with the logistics of the party. Every other guest should only know when and where to be, or you will risk leaks.
Question

What if she's coming home from camp?

Community Answer

If your friend is coming home from camp, you can throw a surprise "Welcome Home" party at his/her house. To do this, get permission from both your and their parents, and invite some more friends if you choose. Add balloons, streamers, decorations, and banners for optimal effect. Bring some food and drinks too!