How to Talk to a Girl by Texting

Co-authored by John Keegan and Glenn Carreau

Last Updated: October 25, 2022 References

Have you scored a girl’s number and want to get to know her better? No problem! There are many ways to send engaging texts that catch her interest and get her texting back. Here, we’ll show you how to start the conversation, keep it going, and even score a date. Read on for a detailed list of tips on talking to a girl over text, complete with examples.

Things You Should Know

Text her within 24 hours of getting her number and introduce yourself politely. Then, kick off the conversation with an open-ended question.
Let her know you’re thinking of her with sincere compliments. Send playful, flirty texts while chatting about her interests.
Match her texting style and remember to use good grammar in all your texts. After a couple of days of texting, ask her out for a date.

1

Text her soon after you get her number.

Following up within the first 24 hours shows a girl you’re interested. While it’s traditional to wait 3 days, there’s no shame in texting sooner. In fact, the girl you like will probably be flattered that you were so eager to get in touch. It’s also easier for her to remember you if you reach out soon after meeting her.
- These days, getting in touch with someone is a breeze. Therefore, the longer you wait, the more likely a girl will assume you’re just not that interested.
- Even if you don’t get to her within a day, don’t wait more than 3 days to text her. Show her that she really made an impression on you!

2

Introduce yourself in the first text.

Offer a smooth, fun introductory text to remind her who you are. If she gave you her number and is waiting for you to text her, start off with a polite re-introduction. Mention your name and how you know her—and feel free to put a playful spin on the text to get her attention.^{[1]
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Research source} For instance:
- “Hey there, Jenna, it’s Morgan from the bar last night—the one you totally schooled in foosball! Where’d you pick up your amazing skills?”
- “Hi, Ava! It’s Casey, your fellow gaming enthusiast from Tinder. 😊 Playing anything fun today?”

3

Use her name when you text.

Incorporating a name makes your text stand out from generic ones. Be sure to include her name in your introductory text. Doing so will show her that your message was written specifically for her. It’s also a better option than using a pet name right off the bat, which might make her uncomfortable since you just met.
- For example, “Hi, Isabel! What are you up to today?” is a better text than, “Hey baby, what’s up with you today?”

4

Bring up the day you met.

Get her in a positive mindset by talking about your meeting. If you met in person and exchanged numbers (rather than matching online), reference how you met. Meeting someone who catches your interest is a happy experience, and recalling it over text can recreate that positive feeling.^{[2]
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Research source} For instance:
- “It was great to meet you last night! Karaoke is so much fun, and you had the best voice in the place.”
- “What a crazy party yesterday! The conga line was definitely fun, but meeting you was my favorite part. 😉”
- Even if you met online, you can still mention something about her dating profile that caught your eye or something that made you like her right away.

5

Ask an intriguing question.

Questions keep her engaged and help you get to know one another. Ask her specific and interesting open-ended questions rather than a vague "What's up?". Asking open-ended questions helps you learn about her and lays the foundation for a meaningful conversation. Just remember to focus on one topic rather than asking many questions at once!^{[3]
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- “What are some of your favorite places on earth?”
- “What’s your family like?”
- “If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?”
- “What’s something you’ve never done but always wanted to try?”

6

Wish her a good morning and good night.

Charm her by letting her know she’s on your mind daily. Send a “good morning” text to give her a happy start to her day and show her that she was the first thing on your mind after waking up. Similarly, “good night” texts strengthen the bond between you and ensure you go to bed thinking of one another.^{[4]
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- “Good morning, gorgeous! I’ll be thinking of you today! ☀️”
- “How’s it going? Thought I’d check in and see if you’re having a good day!”
- “Just wanted to wish you good night. Sleep well, and have sweet dreams! ✨”

7

Give her a compliment.

A thoughtful, heartfelt compliment can cheer anyone up! Text her compliments that make her feel special. Be specific and genuine, so she knows you’re reflecting on all the qualities you like most about her—rather than giving a generic compliment that could apply to anyone.^{[5]
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- “You have the most brilliant mind. I don’t know anyone else who knows as many cool trivia facts about the world as you do!”
- “You’re so talented! I love seeing your drawings and sketches. You come up with the best character concepts.”
- “Your eyes are incredible. There’s a little ring of golden brown inside the blue that takes my breath away every time I see you.”
- Don’t get sexual with compliments right off the bat. Focus on making her feel attractive and respected—not sexualized.

8

Send her flirty texts.

Show her that you like her with fun, flirtatious texts. Flirting over text proves that you want more than just friendship! Send playful texts that make it clear you’re flirting without getting too explicit. Note her responses, too: if she replies with happy emojis or flirts back, it’s a sign she likes you too.^{[6]
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- “You look great today. I haven’t seen you yet, but I know that because you always look great! 😘”
- “Every time I get a message from you, I smile like a goofball! 😍”
- Develop inside jokes with her, too! However, avoid inappropriate jokes until you learn about her sense of humor.

9

Text an interesting photo from your day.

Photos are a great way to intrigue her and give her insight into your life. After all, she’s trying to get to know you, too! Snap a photo that can tell her a little bit about your day, like a fun activity you’re doing, a pic of your pet, or a cool view you came across while walking. Send it to her with a short caption to catch her interest!
- “Check out the view from this hike! Isn’t it great? 😆What’s your favorite place to go hiking?”
- “I’m pretty proud of myself for making this pizza, not gonna lie! It’s my first time making sauce myself. 😋 Got any favorite toppings?”

10

Reference her interests.

Prove that you read her replies by discussing her favorite things. Girls appreciate feeling listened to and love it if you remember what they say. Mention little details you learn days or weeks after she shares them with you, whether it’s an issue she’s been dealing with at work, her favorite movie, or the name of her pet.^{[7]
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- “Hey, how’d that project at work go? You were working so hard on it!”
- “Did you see there’s a TV adaptation of Lord of the Rings being made? I know you love those movies! What’s your take on the show so far?”
- “I saw the cutest cat toy online today! I bet Luna would like it. Want me to send you the link?”

11

Stay positive and upbeat

She’ll find your text exchanges more enjoyable when they’re lighthearted. Avoid complaining or venting about unhappy topics until you get to know one another better. Ensure all of your texts to her sound enthusiastic and cheerful! After all, when you’re trying to woo a girl, it helps to raise up her mood rather than bring it down.
- Even if you’re having a bad day, try to think of a single thing that made you smile or laugh, and tell her about that.
- If you can’t think of anything happy to say, put your phone down and return to it when you’re feeling better.

12

Mirror her texting style.

Study her texts to find out how she likes to be texted. It’s hard to guess someone’s texting style—the number of emojis they like to use or the length of their texts—until you see a few messages firsthand. Observe her texting style and then match it in your own texts; letting her set the tone of the exchange helps you match her expectations!^{[8]
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- For example, if she includes an emoji with most of her texts, then do the same. Send emojis regularly, but don’t pack your texts with them—match her style.
- Until you get an idea of her style, keep your texts short, sweet, and purposeful. Ask her a question to get her talking and see how she texts.

13

Use proper grammar.

Proper grammar makes a good impression and shows your maturity. Basically, bad grammar might make her think you’re not putting any effort into your texts, even if you’re just trying to seem chill and casual. It’s better to start with a grammatically correct text and then match her style later if it turns out she doesn’t mind a few shortcuts.^{[9]
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- For example, write, “Hey, it’s Alex! It was great to meet you last night. Let’s do it again soon!” instead of, “Heyy its Alex, great 2 meet u! LMK when we can do it again.”
- Keep your texts short. Send messages that are 2 or 3 sentences long at most, or it can look a little overwhelming on a phone screen.

14

Wait at least 15 minutes before replying.

Spacing out your texts keeps her interested and eager to hear from you. Leave about 15 minutes between your texts at first, and then start matching her timing once you get a sense of her texting style. Girls like knowing that their love interest isn't just sitting around waiting for every text!^{[10]
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- Remember not to stop texting her for days at a time. A little suspense is good, but outright ghosting might upset her.
- Avoid bombarding her with texts if you don’t hear back for an hour or two. Waiting can be stressful, but spamming her with texts comes off as overeager.

15

Ask her out on a date.

Establish your connection with texting, then move on to a real date! As you start to develop a relationship, don't rely on texting forever. If this girl likes you, she'll expect to go on a date sooner or later.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}Ask her out after a couple of days. Keep it light and casual; ask her if she’d like to go out with you, and tailor the date to her interests.
- “It’s been great getting to know you! Can I take you out to dinner this Friday? I remember you love Greek food—we could check out that new place in town.”
- “You seem like a really cool person, and I think we have a lot in common. Would you like to see the new Star Wars movie with me this weekend?”
- You can also come right out and ask her what she wants. For example, you could ask for her favorite restaurant and take her there for a date.

Sample Texts

Sample Text to Girl About Dance

Sample Text to Girl About Relationship

Community Q&A

Question

What do I talk about with a girl?

Community Answer

Tell her a joke, ask how her day is going, talk about a school project, etc. Text first; girls are very nervous when they have to text the guy first. Don't flirt with her unless you've been talking with her for a while.
Question

What does it mean when a girl asks for your number and then hardly ever texts you?

Community Answer

Possibly she just asks everyone for their number, and you are just another number for her massive list of contacts. Or maybe she was interested in you and then changed her mind.
Question

How do I talk to a girl I've only talked to online?

Community Answer

Just remember that it isn't any different. She's the same person, and so are you. Get the conversation going by bringing up something you guys talked about online and go from there.