How to Talk to a Girl over the Phone

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: December 21, 2022 References Approved

Working up the Nerve to Call

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Starting the Conversation

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Flirting with Her

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Ending the Call

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Conversation Help

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Video

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Expert Q&A

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Tips

Talking to a girl on the phone can be nerve-racking, especially if she's someone you're interested in. Don't stress, though -- having a phone conversation with a girl is just like talking with any friend. You may want to do a little prep work so you know why you're calling and catch her at the right time, but whether you want to ask her out on a date or just get to know her better, staying calm is the key to a successful phone call.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Working up the Nerve to Call

1
Have a reason to call. Before you pick up the phone, make sure you know why you’re calling. If you’re phoning a girl you already know, it may be to ask her out. If it’s a girl who you’re hoping to get to know better, it may be to follow up on a conversation that you’ve already had. It’s important to have a concrete reason so you don’t just wind up rambling.^{[1]
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- If you’re not quite ready to ask her out on a date, you might call her up to ask her to hang out in a group with other friends.
- If you aren’t ready to ask her out and just want to get to know her better, think back to your last in-person conversation and find a topic you can revisit. For example, if she recommended a book, you might call to tell her how much you enjoyed it. If you’re in the same class at school, you might ask about a recent project.
2
Pick a good time to call. When you speak to her, you want to be sure that she’s not in a hurry to get off the phone. Try to call her when she has free time, such as after school or work or during a lunch break.^{[2]
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- If you’ve just met the girl, don’t wait too long to call her. You want to make sure that you’re still fresh on her mind, so try calling within a day or two of getting her phone number.
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3
Send a text first. If you’re not sure when a good time to call her is, texting first can help. You might ask her if she’s free later that day or tell her that you’ll be calling in a few minutes so she has a heads up.
- If she texts you for any reason and you happen to be near your phone when the message comes through, take advantage of the opportunity. Send her a text back to tell her that you’re going to call her in a couple of minutes.
4
Take a deep breath. If you really like the girl and want the conversation to go well, it’s completely normal to be nervous before you call. To keep yourself from rambling on the phone, try a deep breathing exercise. It can help calm you down so you can make the best impression.^{[3]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Starting the Conversation

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Greet her warmly. You want to make a good first impression when she answers the phone, so it’s important to have a solid greeting ready to go.^{[4]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If you know each other fairly well, saying hello and identifying yourself is usually sufficient. If you’ve just met, say hello, give your name, and remind her where she met you.^{[5]
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- For example, if you know the girl well, you might say, “Hey Kristy, it’s John. How are you?”
- If you’ve just met her, you might say, “Hey Kristy, it’s John. We met yesterday at the library.”
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Talk about subjects that she's interested in. Talking to her about generic topics like the weather definitely isn’t going to impress her. Tailor the conversation to her interests or hobbies so you know that she’ll be engaged -- and she’ll know that you actually pay attention when she speaks.^{[6]
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- For example, you might say to her, “You mentioned you’re a baseball fan. What did you think about that game last night?”
- You can also ask her about things that are going on in her life. For example, you might say, “You had a test yesterday, didn’t you? How did it go?”
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Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. You want to keep your conversation going as smoothly as possible, so it’s best to avoid yes or no questions. They tend to stall conversations, while open-ended questions can help it keep going.^{[7]
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- For example, instead of asking “Did you like the movie?,” you might say, “What were your favorite things about the movie?”
4
Listen to her. You may be tempted to impress her by doing most of the talking over the phone, but that can be a mistake. Give her a chance to speak and listen carefully to what she has to say.^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} That will let her know that her thoughts and opinions genuinely matter to you.
- If she’s telling a story, make sure to let her know that you’re paying attention. When she pauses, you might say “Really?” so she knows you’re following along.
- Don’t be afraid to ask her questions when she’s talking either. That’s another way to let her know that you’re paying attention.
5
Get to the point. While it’s good to make small talk with her about her interests and what’s going on in her life, you don’t want to let the conversation ramble on aimlessly. After the initial pleasantries, explain why you called. In most cases, she’ll appreciate your being direct.^{[9]
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- For example, you might say, “I was calling to see if you wanted to hang out tomorrow night."
- You can also say something like, “I was calling to see if I could get that pasta sauce recipe we talked about.”

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Flirting with Her

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Deepen your voice. If you’re trying to flirt with her, you want to sound confident and sure of yourself. Lowering your voice a little so it doesn’t sound squeaky or timid can definitely help. Make sure that you speak loudly, though, so she can hear everything you say.
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Speak clearly and slowly. When you're nervous, you may have a habit of talking quickly. If you want to sound flirty, though, try to slow down your speech and speak clearly. That will help you sound more confident, which is important when you're flirting.
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Offer compliments. When you’re trying to win a girl over, making her feel good about herself can certainly do the trick.^{[10]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Compliment the things that you like about her, but be honest and try not to sound too cheesy.
- For example, you might say, “I meant to tell you the other day… you looked really pretty in that blue dress.”
- Don’t just focus on her physical attributes when you’re complimenting her. If you’re impressed by her sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, or other qualities, make sure to tell her about those too.
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Keep the topics light. When you’re trying to be flirty, it’s best to avoid heavy topics, such as your sick friend or the layoffs happening at work. Instead, stick to fun, happy subjects, such as your new cat or the trip you recently took to an amusement park.^{[11]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Ending the Call

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Tell her you enjoyed talking to her. When you’re getting ready to wind down the call, you want to make sure that she knows you appreciated the time she spent talking to you. Let her know that you enjoyed your conversation and you’d like to talk to her again in the future.
- For example, you might say, “Talking to you was really fun. Let’s do it again."
- You can also say something like, “This was a really great conversation. Maybe we can continue it tomorrow at lunch?”
2
Finalize any plans. If you called her for a specific reason, be sure to go over the details before ending the conversation. For example, if you asked her on a date and she agreed, make sure you know when you’re going and where you’re going to meet.
- Even if you haven’t made a date or plans, it’s a good idea to mention when you’ll see her again before you end the call. For example, you might say, “I’ll probably see you this weekend at Jake’s birthday party. Let’s talk more then.”
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Offer a sincere goodbye. When you’re finished with the conversation, you’ll want to say goodbye. Depending on the time of day, you might end the call by saying, “Have a good night” or “Have a good day.” You can also be more casual and say, “See you later” or “Take care.” Just be sincere so she knows that you mean what you’re saying.^{[12]
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Conversation Help

Conversation Topics for Talking to a Girl on the Phone

Tips for Talking to a Girl on the Phone

Things to Avoid when Talking to a Girl on the Phone

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it better to call or text a girl you like?

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Patti Novak Williams is a Professional Matchmaker in Las Vegas, Nevada. With over 20 years of experience, Patti specializes in working with clients one on one to help them find love. She has helped match hundreds of couples, engagements, and marriages. Patti was the star of the critically acclaimed A&E series “Confessions of a Matchmaker.” She has been featured in the New York Times, the New York Daily News, the New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, TODAY with Hoda and Kathy Lee, The Rachael Ray Show, CBS’ The Early Show, CNN, The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch, The Nate Berkus Show, and Fox’s The Morning Show With Mike & Juliet. Patti published a book in 2008 with Random House titled “Get Over Yourself!: How to Get Real, Get Serious, and Get Ready to Find True Love.”

Patti Novak Williams

Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you really like her, call her and ask her out to dinner. Spend time talking in person—don't spend all your time talking on the phone or texting. You really need to make sure that chemistry is there in person.
Question

What do I talk to her about when she is bored?

Community Answer

If she is bored or in a bad mood, it's probably not the best time to talk to her. If you're already in the middle of a conversation, though, let her lead the conversation to topics that she's interested in.
Question

What do I do if I think the girl likes me and I like her but I'm nervous to ask if she does like me?

Community Answer

You don't necessarily have to ask her whether she likes you outright. Ask her if she'd like to hang out -- if she isn't interested in you, she'll probably decline.