How to Talk to Your Girlfriend on the Phone

Co-authored by Lisa Shield

Last Updated: March 20, 2023 References

Quality conversation is crucial for relationship success.^{[1]
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Research source} Even in this day and age of texting and social media, 87% of teens still talk to their significant other on the phone.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
Pew Research Center
Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends
Go to source} The extra effort of a phone call can show a girl that you really are interested and make her feel wanted. Whether you are calling your long-term girlfriend or a cutie you just met, use these phone tips for conversations that will make her swoon.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Choosing a Time and Place to Call

1
Work around her schedule. Arrange a time to chat over text, or wait to call until you think she will be free. Don’t inconvenience her or make her choose between you and her friends or family. Call after drama club, soccer practice, her shift at the coffee shop, or family dinner.^{[3]
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Research source}
- Text her a few hours before you want to talk: Hey, will you be free to chat tonight? or Can I call you at 7? Be flexible and work out a mutually convenient time.
  If she's busy:
  Don't: get irritated or sullen.
  Do: say How about tomorrow night? or Good luck on your midterm! Talk this weekend?
2
Call from a quiet, private place. Girls will be more open and honest with you if they know no one can overhear your conversation. Don’t call when you are hanging out with other people, and don’t put her on speaker phone without her permission.

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3
Give her your undivided attention. She is giving you the gift of her time, and you should do the same. Most young people believe that multitasking takes away from conversation.^{[4]
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Research source} Let her know that her conversation is the most important thing in the world. Don’t text, chat online, watch TV, or talk to other people while you are talking with your girlfriend. Show that you really care!^{[5]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Making Small Talk

1
Greet her cheerfully. Emotions are contagious.^{[6]
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Research source} If you sound friendly and eager to talk, she will likely respond in the same way. When she answers the phone, greet her in a way that opens up the conversation and tells her you want to listen. Use words that are appropriate for how close you are:
- Hey! How's my girl doing?
- Hi beautiful! How was your day?
- I’ve been looking forward to hearing your voice all day! What have you been up to?
2
Leave a sweet voicemail.^{[7]
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Research source} If she doesn't answer and your call goes to voicemail, leave her a short and cute message. She will appreciate that you were thinking of her and enjoy hearing your voice.
- If you have been dating for a while, you can say: Just calling to tell you I love you!
- If you are in a new relationship, leave a more casual voicemail: I just wanted to see how you're doing! I miss you!
- Let her know the best time to call you back, so you don't wind up in a game of telephone tag: I'll be home from soccer practice at 7. Maybe talk to you then?
3
Warm up with casual conversation. People are social animals and are hardwired to crave small talk with strangers. Small talk creates a sense of connection as people get to know one another. Even superficial conversation can be meaningful in new relationships. Stick to easy topics that will put her at ease:^{[8]
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Research source}
- Share a story from your day.
- Ask her about her favorite sports team.
- Talk about events at your school.
- Discuss a TV show or movie you have both seen.
  If the conversation gets boring:
  Don't: interrupt or abruptly end the call.
  Do: ask questions that lead to an interesting topic.
4
Compliment her. Let her know you enjoy her conversation and her company. Without coming on too strong, say things that will encourage her to open up to you:^{[9]
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Research source}
- You tell the best stories!
- That’s hilarious!
- I’m dying to hear what happened next!
- You are so easy to talk to.
  Don't: repeat the same generic compliments every conversation.
  Do: say I love how excited you get talking about __.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Keeping the Conversation Going

1
Let the conversation develop naturally. If you two have chemistry, small talk will flow into deeper conversation. Allow yourself to shift from casual banter to more personal subjects. Take advantage of openings that allow you to get to know each other better:
- I take guitar lessons too! Why did you pick guitar over all the other instruments in the world?
- You get your license in three months? Where would you go if you had a car?
- School break is only two weeks away! Where are you going for the holidays?
2
Be emotionally open. She will only be as honest and revealing as you are. Most people don’t express their true feelings because they fear rejection, not because they aren’t interested.^{[10]
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Research source} If you tell her know how much she means to you, she will feel safe to tell you the same.
- Every time I see you my world lights up.
- You are the most beautiful girl in this city.
- I feel like you understand me better than anyone else.
3
Ask open-ended questions. Frame questions so your girlfriend feels free to elaborate, provide backstory, and express feelings. Don’t stall the conversation with questions that she will likely answer with just yes or no.
Don't: start with leading phrases like I bet you... or You must have...
Do: use How..., Why..., and What... openers.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
4
Be a good listener. Conversations are two-sided, and listening is as important as speaking. Don’t interrupt or talk over your girlfriend. Pay attention to what she says, and wait until she has finished her thoughts to ask questions.^{[12]
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Expert Source

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 11 March 2021.} Encourage her to share more.^{[13]
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Research source}
- What happened next?
- How did that make you feel?
- Why do like In-N-Out milkshakes best?
5
Avoid topics that stall conversation. You want to be honest with your girlfriend, but you don’t want to offend her or make her feel uncomfortable. Gauge her enthusiasm throughout the conversation. If she sounds excited about a topic, explore it more. If she becomes quiet or unsure and says I don’t know, Maybe or I guess a lot, steer the conversation to more enjoyable territory.
- Identify sensitive subjects as you get to know your girlfriend better and stay clear. You want your conversations to be positive experiences. Dredging up bad memories (her parents’ divorce, an ex-boyfriend, her deceased grandmother) is not a shortcut to intimacy. Let her know she can tell you anything, but don’t stir up unhappy emotions deliberately.
- Coming on too strong may scare her off. Don’t sound obsessed or overly needy. Don’t make comments about her body that are too forward and that she would not appreciate.
  Don't: be afraid to open up about your own emotions and life experiences.
  Do: pay attention to her comfort level, and adjust for future conversations.
6
Make plans about your future. Making plans together, whether for a night out or for a lifetime, creates closeness in a couple. Discuss where you would live and travel if you could go anywhere, what kind of dog you want, or what your dream home looks like. Have fun and use your imagination. Keep the conversation light and flirty: you don’t need to come up with a road map for your lives. Tell your girlfriend how much you look forward to your adventures together.^{[14]
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Research source}
Don't: start talking about marriage or moving in together before the topic has come up in person.
Do: talk about your future in a playful way.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Saying Goodbye

1
End the conversation before you lose steam. It is always better to say goodbye while you still have things to stay to one another. You will look forward to your next conversation. Suggest what you can talk about on your next phone call.
2
Tell her you enjoyed talking. Let her know she is special and you appreciate her conversation. She will be more inclined to call you if she knows you want to hear her voice.
- I look forward to chatting with you soon! Call me anytime.
- I’ll be thinking of your sweet voice all night.
- Don’t be a stranger.
- I’ll text you tomorrow morning!
3
Make her smile when you say goodbye. Say something sweet just before you hang up that you know will make her happy. Share an inside joke, tease her with a nickname she likes, or compliment her so she blushes.
- Bye, beautiful.
- Goodnight, gorgeous!
- Mwahh! Goodnight kiss!

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Expert Q&A

Question

How can I overcome my insecurities when speaking to my girlfriend?

Lisa Shield
Dating Coach
Lisa Shield is a love and relationship expert based in Los Angeles. She has a Master's degree in Spiritual Psychology and is a certified life and relationship coach with over 17 years of experience. Lisa has been featured in The Huffington Post, Buzzfeed, LA Times, and Cosmopolitan.

Lisa Shield

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Breathe and remind yourself that she's probably as scared as you as you are! We're all afraid of intimacy and of opening up.