How to Tell if She Is out of Your League

A girl or woman being "out of your league" means different things to different people. Conventionally, this phrase primarily refers to looks and whether or not the woman you're interested in outranks you. However, most women won't completely discount you just based on how you look. In other words, the only way you can tell if you're out of a women's league is to show a woman you're interested, then actually talk to her and see if she is interested or not.

Part 1
Part 1 of 4:

Figuring Out Her "League"

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    Consider economics. One criteria often used to judge "leagues" is a person's monetary worth. Of course, plenty of poorer people date richer people, but more often than not, people tend to date and marry within their social or economic class. Therefore, if she has a lot more money than you do, she may decide you're not in her league.[1]
    • Use visual clues to help you decide her socio-economic status. If she's wearing designer clothes, expensive jewelry, and a high-end handbag, those are good indicators she has some money.
    • If you know the woman, think about the people she's dated in the past. Has she dated people who had a significantly different income than she did? That can also help you judge.
    • That doesn't mean you shouldn't approach her if you think she's richer than you. For one, she may have just figured out how to appear richer than she is. For another, you should let her decide what makes you in or out of her league.
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    Think about her looks. Another criteria that people use to judge "leagues" is looks. For example, if she is much more conventionally attractive than you are, she may consider herself out of your league. Just like economics, people often tend to end up with people who are similar to themselves as far as attractiveness goes.[2]
    • You may find it easier to judge her looks than your own. However, to truly gauge whether you are in her league, you need to be honest about your own looks. Are you just an average-looking person, while she's got exceptionally good looks? Then she may be out of your league.
    • If you're not sure how to judge your looks, ask a good friend to help you figure it out, someone who will be brutally honest with you. Just be sure you can take it.
    • Even if you're average or below-average in the looks department, you still shouldn't count yourself out. Let her do that for you after you approach her. Plus, she could come to find you more attractive over time if she enjoys your personality.
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    Check educational level. In addition, education and intelligence is another important part of considering if someone is out of your "league." In other words, if she has a doctorate and you barely finished high school, that may not be a good match because you may not have the same pursuits.[3]
    • Of course, education and intelligence are not the same thing. You can be incredibly intelligent and only have a GED. Nonetheless, if she's smart and sharp, she's going to probably want someone who can keep up with her.
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    Pay attention to her fitness level. If she's very into healthiness and you're not, that could be a barrier. You should be able to tell on some level. If she's muscular or is obviously abstaining from unhealthy foods, that's a good indicator that a healthy lifestyle is important to her. It's not that you are less worthy if you don't enjoy the same type of lifestyle. It's just that you may find that your two lifestyles aren't compatible.
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    Consider religion and lifestyle factors. While having different beliefs from someone doesn't constitute a "league," it is an important part of attraction and connection. In other words, if she's religious and you're not, that could be a significant barrier.[4]
    • Other barriers could include the issue of marriage (Do you both want it?) and kids (Yes or no?).
    • You may also have issues based on what kind of life you want. For instance, if she wants a fast-paced urban life but you prefer suburbia, then you may not be compatible.
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    Remember it's not all about leagues. Money, looks, education, and social status do obviously play a role in choosing a mate. However, many other factors can make you more attractive to a woman, including being a competent person or having a warm personality. In other words, don't dismiss your other good qualities just because you've judged her to be "ahead" of you in certain areas.[5] [6]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 4:

Showing You're Interested With Body Language

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    Flash a smile to get her attention. One of the first steps to flirting is to flash her a big, genuine smile. You can even do it across the room. Besides engaging her, it makes you appear like a happier person. It also makes her feel like she's winning something because a smile from someone else registers as a reward in the brain.[8]
    • Starting a conversation with her is really the only way you'll be able to tell if she considers you in her league or not.
    • It's often easy to tell if a smile is genuine. Try to make it reach your eyes. You can also show your teeth.
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    Show your confidence. If you want to show someone you like them, you can't be timid about it. Many people have a hard time telling when someone is flirting with them because it is so subtle and because not everyone flirts in the same way.[9] Therefore, to make sure she knows, you have to be confident and use confident body language.[10]
    • Start by looking her in the eyes. Looking down or away from her doesn't show her you're interested. Obviously, you don't want to stare, but try to catch her gaze and hold it for a few seconds.[11]
    • Other confident gestures include standing up straight and not fidgeting.
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    Keep your body language open. Open body language includes keeping your limbs apart. You don't want to cross them, as that sends a signal that you're not approachable. Crossed arms and legs are like a big "X" over your body telling others to stay away.[12]
    • In addition, try to angle your body so it's pointing in her direction. Doing so signals that you're interested in her. You should also pay attention to how you move your head. Tilting it towards her indicates interest.
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    Get closer. When you're talking to her, one way you can show you're interested in her as more than a friend is to lean towards her. You don't want to make her uncomfortable, however. If she leans back, take a step back, as that indicates you're invading her personal space in a way she doesn't like.[13]
    • Also, try not to employ this method with a woman you just met if you're alone with her. If there's no one else around, that can seem like you're trying to come on too strong.
    • You can also try touching her arm or her shoulder while you're talking. Doing so can indicate you're interested in her.
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    Don't be afraid to preen a bit. While fidgeting with your glass or watch isn't seen as confident, playing with your hair can be construed as flirtatious. You may also want to suck your stomach in, so your gut isn't sticking out as much. You may find you don't even have to think about doing these things, but employing them is a sign of flirting.[14]
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Part 3
Part 3 of 4:

Approaching the Woman

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    Talk to her to figure out if you're in her league . You're never going to be able to tell if she's out of your league or not if you don't talk to her. You may feel awkward walking up to her, but all you need to do is get a conversation going. You don't have to actually hit on her. Opening a conversation is much more effective than a pickup line at gauging someone's interest.[15]
    • Pick something simple to start the conversation. Ask her about what she's drinking or the music playing. You could say something like, "Isn't this song great?"
    • You can also try to get her to put the spotlight on herself, so she's not judging you. You could say something like, "What an interesting drink choice. What do you like about it?"
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    Ask her a favor. Another way to break the ice is to ask a small favor of her. You don't have to ask her to run out to the corner store for you or anything like that. Rather, just ask her something small, such as asking her to pass a straw.[16]
    • You could also say something like, "Would you mind moving your bag so I can sit here?"
    • Also, give her your name and ask for hers in return.
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    Ask her about herself. While wildly different people do get into relationships, most people find partners who are similar to themselves. Education, socioeconomic standing, and beliefs all play a part in finding a good match.[17]
    • If you're compatible in other ways (like your values), looks may not matter as much.[18]
    • Try drawing her out a bit to find more about her. Once you do, you'll be able to assess whether she's out of your league, or whether, in fact, you're out of hers.
    • For example, ask her about her educational background just as a point of interest, such as, "So where did you go to school?"
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    Don't be afraid to compliment her. Complimenting her shows you have an interest in her, especially if it is specific to her person. Making it specific shows you've paid attention to her, and it will come off as seeming more real.[19]
    • You don't have to stick to her looks. If you've been talking to her for a few minutes, you could comment on her wittiness or the fact that she has a great laugh.
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    Chuckle at her jokes. Laughing when she cracks a joke shows you're listening, and that you like her. You don't want to laugh too much, as you may come across as fake. However, laughing when she says something truly funny or even mildly humorous will show her you have a good sense of humor.[20]
    • Also, don't be afraid to crack a joke, especially one at your own expense, as it shows her you don't take yourself too seriously.
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    Anticipate her needs. When you see her drink is getting low, order her another. If you see she's shifting back and forth on her heels, ask her if she wants to sit down. By anticipating her needs, you'll show her that you are a genuine, caring person and that you're the kind of person she wants to get to know more.[21]
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Part 4
Part 4 of 4:

Gauging Her Interest

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    Watch for negative body language. By opening the conversation, you've invited her to determine if you're in her league or not. One way to tell if she's interested is to watch her body language. Her body language will say much about what she's thinking, even if she doesn't want to verbalize it. For instance, she may try to create more space between you two by stepping back.[22]
    • She may also lean away, look away, or pull a bad face.
    • You may also notice she has "closed" body language, where she crosses her arms or legs and turns away from you. She may also use her purse as a shield, of sorts, holding it in front of her body.
    • If she shows signs of nervousness, such as rubbing her eyes, scratching her nose, or rubbing the back of her neck, that could also be a sign she isn't interested in you.
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    Look for positive body language. On the other hand, she may be giving you signs that she likes you with her body language. For instance, blushing is often a sign that someone is attracted to you, as is giving you coy glances.[23]
    • Of course, the opposite rules apply for open body language than that of negative body language. She'll likely turn her body towards you and lean towards you if she likes you. She'll also leave her arms and legs uncrossed as a sign of openness.
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    Listen to what she says. If she keeps the conversation going, she's likely interested in you, especially if she turns the questions on you. If she seems interested in the conversation, she may be interested in you as a date.[24]
    • It's fine to answer her questions, but if you really want to charm her, keep turning the conversation back to her. People like talking about themselves.
    • On the other hand, if she's giving you one-word answers and seems more interested in her phone than you, she's giving you a clear indication she'd rather you back away.
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    Ask her. One way to gauge her interest is the direct approach. You can simply ask her on a date to see how she responds. She'll certainly let you know one way or another whether she thinks you're out of her league or not.[25]
    • You could simply say something along the lines of "I've been enjoying our conversation tonight. Would you like to have coffee with me next week to continue the conversation?"
    • If you're shy, you can beat around the bush a little by asking in an indirect way. For instance, you could say something like "I heard there's a great movie at the independent theater this weekend that I'm going to try to catch. What are you doing this weekend?"
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    Accept the "partner" excuse. If she says she has a partner, that's a clear sign she doesn't want to be with you. She may or may not have a significant other, but many women use this excuse when they are feeling unsafe or they don't know how to tell someone "no."[26]
    • If she tells you she's dating someone, it's time to back away. She has set her boundaries.
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    Walk away. If she's clearly rejecting you, don't keep pushing. Just let her go. She has a right to say "no," and you have to respect that right. Even if she's not saying "no" with her mouth, respect her boundaries if she's clearly saying "no" with her body language.
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    Understand it may not be what you think it is. Sometimes, a woman may not feel like chatting with a random person, even if she's at a bar. Her rejection of you may have nothing to do with her "being out of your league." In fact, even if you're showing interest, she may feel like you're out of her league for whatever reason.[27]
    • Physical safety is a top concern for women in the dating world, and by respecting her boundaries you prove you can help keep her safe.[28]
    • Remember, relationships are based on all aspects of your person, not just good looks.
    • Even if she is rejecting you outright because of your looks, think about it this way: you wouldn't want to be with a person who won't take the time to see beyond your good looks.
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References

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201412/laws-attraction-how-do-we-select-life-partner
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201412/laws-attraction-how-do-we-select-life-partner
  3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201412/laws-attraction-how-do-we-select-life-partner
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201412/laws-attraction-how-do-we-select-life-partner
  5. ↑ Suzanna Mathews. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201412/laws-attraction-how-do-we-select-life-partner
  7. ↑ Suzanna Mathews. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201206/there-s-magic-in-your-smile
  9. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/news/2015/02/13/flirting-behaviors-explained/81207.html
  1. ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/2012/04/10-signs-of-a-confident-communicator/
  2. ↑ http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2013/07/attraction-body-language/
  3. ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/anger/2015/08/insecure-body-language-standing-with-confidence/
  4. ↑ http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2013/07/attraction-body-language/?utm_expid=40598772-17.uJs4PDefRa2HAY2q6qfXNw.1&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com
  5. ↑ http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/chap15.html
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201412/laws-attraction-how-do-we-select-life-partner
  9. ↑ Suzanna Mathews. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.
  10. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-instantly-charm-someone-youve-never-met-before-1688882965
  11. ↑ http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/he-saidshe-said/1938-50-ways-to-tell-someone-you-like-them-without-just-telling-them/
  12. ↑ http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/he-saidshe-said/1938-50-ways-to-tell-someone-you-like-them-without-just-telling-them/
  13. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201110/reading-basic-body-language-dating-and-persuasion-success
  14. ↑ http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2013/07/attraction-body-language/?utm_expid=40598772-17.uJs4PDefRa2HAY2q6qfXNw.1&utm_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com
  15. ↑ http://lifehacker.com/how-to-instantly-charm-someone-youve-never-met-before-1688882965
  16. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-indirectly-ask-date
  17. ↑ http://time.com/87777/i-have-a-boyfriend-bar-dating-excuse/
  18. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alexis-dent/stop-saying-he-or-she-is-out-of-your-league_b_5022104.html
  19. ↑ Suzanna Mathews. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 18 August 2021.

About This Article

Suzanna Mathews
Co-authored by:
Suzanna Mathews
Dating & Relationship Coach
This article was co-authored by Suzanna Mathews. Suzanna Mathews is a Dating and Relationship Coach and the Founder of The Date Maven. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in creating mindset tools, social strategies, and digital strategies that help her clients elevate dating and deepen connections. Suzanna holds a BA in Communications from Bethel College, North Newton, and an MA in Theater and Dramatic Arts from Wichita State University. This article has been viewed 172,210 times.
14 votes - 67%
Co-authors: 25
Updated: September 5, 2022
Views: 172,210
Categories: Youth Dating
Article SummaryX

You might feel like a woman is out of your league because of her economic status or education level, her looks, or her lifestyle. However, the only way to know for sure if she's really out of your league is to show her that you’re interested. To get her attention, try flashing a sincere smile or catching her eye and holding her gaze for a few moments. If you have the chance to talk to her, lean in a little. If she leans away, then she’s not interested and you should take a step back to avoid making her uncomfortable. However, if she stays where she is or leans into you, then this is a good sign that she’s not out of your league. To learn how to ask a woman out who may be out of your league, keep reading!

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